Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional today's problem (this is exhausting)

eco- I am probably saying something similar to aeh, but some if my DS's social gaffes arise from inflexible thinking. In the instance of the field trip he could not think past the question that was asked and look for other possibilities. He also could not understand why his teacher seemed upset by his honesty, when he's been taught to tell the truth.
These are big problems for social understanding- inflexibility and empathy. When I say empathy, I'm not talking about decency and compassion- I'm using the word in the pure sense of being able to put oneself in another's shoes during a social interaction. Maybe a better word is metacognition
Social skills therapy can help.

Yes, this all resonates. I've been puzzling over my son for years and it's just now making sense. Part of the problem is that this is all a very different language for me. If I'd just read a list--I'd say my son is "flexible" bc he is a sort of laid-back guy. But this way of understanding it makes a huge difference. Ditto on "empathy." When I've read checklists on autistic traits, I've always denied that my son lacks empathy, because he seems to be a compassionate, loving person. But in the sense he doesn't understand others--this makes sense.

I don't know if the school would provide speech/language therapy for him if he's identified as autistic or other social communication disorder. Is that something that is available, privately? I feel like we need a small grant, to pay for all the things he apparently needs...

eco- If you haven't done so (apologies if I've overlooked this), a full evaluation that involves a full language evaluation would be helpful. My DS has had a neuropsych for ADHD, but prior to that he underwent a full speech and language evaluation (including two school evaluations). It identified deficits in social understanding. In fact, it was the language evaluation that prompted us to seek a neuropsych because I suspected DS had ADHD and it was contributing heavily to his social issues.

I was shocked to learn that a kid in the 99th percentile of verbal reasoning could have language impairments, but was told that these skill sets are different. Anecdotally, ADHD, language deficits and a gifted IQ can look like HFA, enough to one wonder. In fact the language evaluation and neuropsych both completely ruled it out.

If your son has language deficits, social skills therapy and speech therapy can help.

So far, I've not managed to convince SPED to evaluate him. He is having a neuropsychological evaluation on May 12 with a psych whose special interest is gifted/autism. I hope it helps. I don't know if the district will automatically evaluate if I provide medical diagnosis. They have not been very responsive so far.

I think my son is probably "hyperlexic" if that is a real thing. This has probably not helped anything. His school performance (both grades and standardized testing) have been strong, up until this year--first year at MS and he's fallen apart. Almost entirely EF stuff. I haven't seen any evidence of struggles with rigor (it's a FT gifted program, but really just acceleration). I asked the district if I could see his subtests on IQ but they are not forthcoming (was thinking there might be something there).

I don't see any evidence of a SLD in language (he is a prolific writer, speaks well, etc.) but the thing is: I don't know ANYTHING about language delays. His seems social. Is that a SLD?

I honestly don't know what it takes to get a full evaluation from the school district. 504 coordinator did intervene and ordered OT evaluation, but it was pretty much a token exercise, not substantial.

I'm blathering now.:) I just had a really strange conversation with my son on the way to school, in re: the detention, etc. This is how it went:

DS: Once the teacher explained to me what I was doing that got me in trouble, I was okay with it. She asked me if I care about detention, and I said no, I truly don't, because it's a piece of paper.
(He explained that since it was reasonable, it doesn't bother him anymore).

Me: Do you feel embarrassed when these things happen in class?

DS: No, for some reason embarrassment isn't in my data bank.

Me: Well, maybe that's good. It keeps you from feeling upset.

DS: I have been researching autism online. [This one surprised me--I haven't used that word, exactly.] I see that I have a lot of these traits, but the thing that doesn't fit is that I am not social awkward and I love meeting people.

Me: Well, that is a stereotype. I lot of people with autistic traits don't have that issue.

DS: I hope I am not autistic.

Me: If you have traits, it just helps us understand you better and know what to put in place to support you. It doesn't change anything about who you are.

DS seemed completely satisfied with that response. His language is so different from mine. Everything filters through cognition.

I guess I hope he doesn't have autism but he has enough related issues that it's probably the same difference. I hope that having some sort of solid diagnosis helps me with the school.

I am sorry I'm using this forum as my online journal. It's difficult processing all of this. Seems very sudden--but I guess it's not, really. We've just managed really well until now.

Eco I am glad you have a place to share what is going on with your son. I think you are really on the right track here. He is lucky to have you for his mom.

Did you put in a written request for a comprehensive eval? You can detail your concerns in this letter. Put in specifics about how you think that his educational performance is being impacted by a suspected disability. I would address it to the district special ed director. Make a copy and see if the secretary will date stamp it as received and make a copy after it's date stamped. They HAVE to respond (within a certain number of days like 10 or 14). Put in your letter that you are requesting a team meeting to discuss your concerns. If they refuse to evaluate him, they need to send you a prior written notice stating that they are not going to evaluate him for X, Y, and Z reasons. If they don't do this, then they are in violation. If they refuse to evaluate him, you can go to due process. Of course, all of this becomes very adversarial and I would try to get them to look at your independent eval before you resort to any of that. We are in a ridiculous district as well and they don't seem to understand or care about even basic laws/mandates. It has been a huge source of frustration.
(google "child find mandate" to get more information about school districts needing to evaluate students with known or suspected disabilities).

I didn't detail anything in my two prior written requests. Over the phone, the Process Coordinator told me basically to make request and then they'd do respond in writing--which they did (refused eval, based on "record review.") I asked her at the time if I had any recourse if I disagreed with their decision and she basically said NO.

I didn't understand much of this at the time, though, so was really just looking for something with more "teeth" than 504, which wasn't being implemented at the time.

I guess my best bet is wait to see what neuropsych reveals, then write a detailed letter? (Unless she decides he is perfectly normal...ha)

I wish I understood what neuropsych is going to do, exactly. I know she said ADOS and possibly WISC-V (I'm going to ask for that specifically, now...the only FSIQ I have is old and also maybe compromised, besides which I don't have the whole thing, just report).

So, if he IS given a more comprehensive/pervasive dx--is school then required to eval?

I am very confident in this neuropsych's diagnostic chops. She worked with two friends' extraordinarily 2E children and came up with two different pictures (neither of them ASD, although it was suspected). The only downside is that what she *actually* diagnosed in one of them (NLD) is not an accepted dx so the 504 is via backdoor ADHD. And also that child has SLD, wildly asynchronous.

I guess what I'm saying is: I have no idea what they are required to do or not to do based on the diagnosis. I'm not willing to just allow DS to completely bottom out (and be withdrawn from program, only to re-experience all this at new school, etc.)

A colleague of mine who works with developmental kids has referred me to a local advocacy group--I guess I'm keeping that card in my back pocket for now. I don't feel able to be effective with the school because they have all pushed so many of my emotional triggers. And I feel like sending my child into an environment where he is universally disliked is akin to abuse. I *know* that is really ME, bc he is less sensitive but I am 100% unable to remove my feelings from this situation (despite making a huge effort).

If they refuse to evaluate, you can go to a due process hearing. Another thing you can do is call your State Dept. of Education (Special Ed division) and ask what to do if your district refuses to do a comprehensive eval. Sometimes all it takes is the State making a phone call to the district, and asking the district what they're doing. If they told you that they can deny an eval and you can't do anything about it, that's completely incorrect information. At this point, you could file a complaint because they didn't inform you of your due process rights.

Since you are already getting an IEE though, I would wait and see what that says. Then you have more leverage to get them to do an eval. They may want to do their own testing, or they could use the outside testing.

Kids can get IEPs even for things like anxiety disorder if it is affecting their educational performance. Don't give up.

I would not keep the advocate group's card in your back pocket - I would make an initial contact with them now. I found having the advice of an advocates group who understood the personalities and history involved in our public school worth it's weight in *gold* when advocating for our ds in elementary school. It's also possible that where you're at, you'll be able to get an advocate's advice free of charge. Be sure to check the yellow pages at www.wrightslaw.org - the group we have in our state is funded by the federal government, and I think there is supposed to be a similar group in each state. (NOTE - I could be entirely incorrect about that!).

Next thing - I'd complete the neuropsych eval and learn everything you can there before taking the next step with requesting anything through the school district. This is for two reasons - the first and obvious reason is that you'll have a better set of documentation to start from. The perhaps not-so-obvious reason is, imo, the more important reason - you need to be sure you're focused on your child's needs for the long term, not just focused on a school battle. Yes, you have to fight your way through the school battle, but what your child needs is the bigger picture - understanding his challenges as best you can, and having a plan for *life*, not just for school. This may sound trivial, but it does make a difference when advocating at school. First, it helps put the school issue in perspective. You aren't just advocating for your child to be able to function successfully in classroom A, you are partnering with the school to help your child progress in an area that will help him be able to navigate life successfully. Second, the neuropsych will probably be able to help you with understanding where the best supports for your ds are going to be found in your community - will he be able to qualify for services at school based on what the neurospych sees/finds, will he benefit from school services or would it be better (in your community) to seek private therapies/services/etc, and if private is recommended, who to go to. The neuropsych will also likely map out a long-term plan for you, whereas a school meeting/plan is going to be focused on what your child needs for school this year and next.

Once you have the neuropsych report and a firm idea of what you want to request in a school evaluation, make a written request with what I call semi-details. State your concerns (behaviors at school, underachievement, whatever), briefly summarize what the neurospych found, and request a team meeting to consider eligibility for an IEP (or 504, whatever you feel is the correct choice after you have the neuropsychs report and advice). You don't need to list detail after detail re what you want the school to look at, but include a brief list that for sure includes cognitive/acheivement testing, and any additional evaluations you feel would be necessary and/or helpful. If the neuropsych recommended further testing (OT, for example or SLP etc), then add that to the list of the assessments you are requesting.

It sounds like the school did nothing "wrong" in their previous communications with you and denial of an eligibility eval for your ds. However, if you provide the school with private testing that shows evidence of a potential disability they are going to be on shakier ground if they outright deny an evaluation without at the very least calling a team meeting to make the decision to evaluate a *team* decision.

You've said you have no idea what the school is required to do - the advocates group can help with this. Even just a phone call might be all you need to help you get grounded in which direction to go, and what move to make. I also found that the book from wrightslaw "From Emotions to Advocacy" was extremely helpful - especially the sample letters that are included.

Best wishes,

polarbear

That is interesting. DS' current 504 is for OHI--ADHD, Anxiety. There is not one accommodation related to anxiety in it, though, and very little to accommodate the ADHD.

polarbear--I like all of your advice. I'm not sure exactly what I'd say to advocate at this point, other than--my son's behavioral issues and disorganization are causing a lot of chaos at school. I guess I produce the email mountain. And yes, the long-view is important.

This is the agency: http://ptimpact.org/
It appears to be funded by US Dept of Ed.