Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Frustrations in Advocation

I'm getting tired. My DS6 is in K and is bored out of his mind. He's a high-energy kid and bounces around when he's not engaged. It's a problem. I met with the school in February to discuss possibilities for 1st grade because their pull-out gifted program doesn't even start until 2nd.

They fed me a bunch of "we don't have the resources," and "aren't you worried about behavior," etc. We decided to see how he did in the pilot reading program where kids are matched on ability rather than age. He's done wonderfully. So I emailed the group I met with to remind them that we need to make some plans for next year. I did that last week. Not a single one of them (5) responded. And the teacher refuses to take suggestions from his therapist about ways to handle his anxiety in the classroom. I feel like I have offended them, even though I have worked VERY hard not to do that.

I don't know what to do at this point. I want to go in there armed with irrefutable information and make them listen. I am getting him the WJ, so they have no reason to deny the Iowa Acceleration Scale, which I've asked for. He has IQ scores, but above-level testing would be good. I'm doing that outside of the school system, as they do nothing until SECOND grade.

I can't handle another year like K. He can't. Any thoughts, suggestions, anecdotal stories?

I don't know that I would pay for more testing if they are not going to look at it, honestly. Does the school even acknowledge the validity of the IAS? If not, again, I wouldn't spend too much time on it if they will not utilize it. Despite all of the wonderful evidence out there (A Nation Deceived and now A Nation Empowered), in our experience, acceleration is tough to advocate for if the school simply doesn't want to do it.

Does your school have an acceleration policy?

FWIW, I believe that others here have cited sources which suggest that poor fit can exacerbate some of the behaviors you describe.

I wish I had more helpful advice, but we are following this thread as our advocacy has been going nowhere fast.

They do use the IAS and they do have an acceleration policy. They also have a gifted policy, which they updated the day AFTER I had a meeting with them and pointed out some of the accommodations they said they make that I know can't possibly be true. Of course, they didn't bother telling me they changed the policy.

The thing is, they don't offer the gifted program until second grade, so they don't do testing until the end of first. There is no set grade on the acceleration policy, but they won't do the tests he needs to come out with a decent IAS score to make the case for acceleration.

I think their resistance has more to do with me. I'm not narcissistic. It's a small school, and I think they're used to being able to give the same tired lines to parents and parents accepting them as the way it is. Unfortunately for them, I am not that parent. I understand education and policy. I have a doctorate in education and have taken the very classes that have taught me what is and isn't acceptable. I have written a Thesis that included sections about IEPs, IDEA and 504. I have written doctoral papers (not my dissertation) that have examined these areas as well.

I say this not to brag about my knowledge, but to show my breadth of knowledge in the very areas they are trying to feed me lines about makes me more difficult to work with. They aren't used to parents knowing these things. In fact, when I pushed for a 504 for his Celiac after he was glutened so badly we had to go to the ER, the teacher actually asked me, "How do parents find this stuff out?"

I wanted to say, "I have a brain that works and am willing to continue learning despite your obvious resistance to it." Because I have sent an article about anxiety in gifted kids after I was told they don't see anxiety in him. It went unread.

It is excellent that they actually have a policy and that they use the IAS (your school automatically gets 2 points our school looses!).

My DS6 is going crazy in 1st FWIW, and they don't start G&T until 3rd/4th. DD9 is in G&T and it is not enough anyway.

I understand what you are saying. I, too, have a doctorate (which I don't actually mention to them), so I am not just pulling data out of the air when I am advocating...it is all well-researched and thought out. My DC are also both DYS. I still have not been able to get anywhere.

Stay strong. Others here have been more successful and may have good advice...I am following (and am here for moral support, FWIW!).

newtogifted, is this your neighborhood public school that you're advocating at? If it's a private school, ignore the rest of my reply lol! If it's not, have you tried advocating at the district level? Is there a central gifted or SPED department that you could address your concerns and requests through? We were caught in a situation advocating in elementary school where the school staff/faculty were extremely resistant to providing anything above and beyond essentially "nothing", but when we pulled in a district rep who was familiar with district policy and who also was familiar with federal law we were able to make progress.

I suspect that part of what's going on with your situation is the school not being entirely receptive to having a parent with your background advocating. I don't know that it's necessarily that they would feel threatened because of your background, and I probably can't explain clearly what I think might be happening... but here's an attempt! I have quite a few friends who are teachers. None of them have the educational background you have, but through knowing them casually outside of a school/business relationship, I've seen that they have strong feelings that they are the experts in the classroom, and parental input in some instances is easily and quickly dismissed as coming from people who know nothing about education. As a professional in an entirely unrelated field, this attitude has been problematic because as little training as I've had in education, I'm still a relatively bright individual who also knows a heck of a lot about the children I'm parenting. In your situation, you have the educational background to back yourself up when advocating, and that might be beyond annoying to teachers who already have an attitude about parents who know nothing advocating. Does that make sense?

And full disclosure here - I love, admire, and think the world of most of the teachers I know and have known. Please don't anyone think I'm knocking teachers by what I said above - I'm just trying to explain a roadblock my family encountered in advocating.

What to do in your situation? First, consider going to district level.

Other things - pin the teachers down on the behaviors noted. Does your child's behavior stand out in some way? Have you been in the classroom and observed the class as a whole? I'm curious about those things because (and I say this as a parent with no educational experience or training lol!)... there are usually quite a few kindergartners in any given kindergarten class who bounce around and are easily distracted when they aren't engaged in a class activity that interests them. Soooooo.... it would be important to me to know in advocating, is the behavior concern really a concern, or is it typical kindergartener-age behavior that's just being offered up as an excuse?

Do you have a local parents advocates group? If so, call them up and ask what they recommend re your next step. Knowing the law, knowing school district policy is all helpful and can be done outside of talking to advocates, but the thing we found invaluable from our local parent advocates' group that we could not have found anywhere else was inside knowledge re school staff/personalities etc that helped give us a frame within which we knew how to approach our specific school when advocating. When we were advocating just from our perspective as parents at the school, we just saw this huge brick wall put up by staff who were arguing against everything and didn't seem to want to be supportive at all. When we talked to our advocates' group we learned that our school was historically difficult to work with, was very close to losing federal funding due to lack of compliance with IDEA, and we were given very helpful advice on how to approach the school, how to word our requests etc - and it worked. You and your school are in a completely different situation, but the idea of getting advice from a non-biased outside third party who is also familiar with the local schools may be helpful.

Was the pilot reading program in school? If he's done well in that program and hasn't exhibited any behavior issues during it, that's also a great data point to have when advocating.

Last piece of advice, keep moving forward. Don't give up. It might not work this year, but don't give up for next year. Along the way keep collecting your data - not just testing data, but homework, work done in class, work you do at home to supplement. If the school won't give him achievement testing, I'd consider looking for it outside of school. It's relatively easy in our area to find inexpensive achievement testing through homeschool community contacts.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Do you have the book From Emotions to Advocacy? I like that approach. Good luck--polarbear gave you great advice.

Thank you so much for all the great advice!

Polarbear, it is a public school and they do have an SPED department. I go to the board meetings (I'm the only parent there), and at the last one, the SPED Director stated a clear dislike for "medical" professionals sending letters of recommended accommodations. She stated, "Maybe I should start writing prescriptions for medication," and "We are the experts in education. They do not know what accommodations are needed in education." Here's the kicker. DS's psychologist has tried to communicate with his teacher to provide ideas about how to help him in the classroom. She responded once and then said, "I may not be able to respond." I asked if she was using some of those items in class (stress ball, reminder card), and she is not.

The resistance you explained (and you did a good job) is exactly what I think is going on after attending that board meeting and hearing the jokes and chuckles by principals, board members, and audience. I KNOW the instructional coach is annoyed by me. In the one and only meeting I've had with her, she started with, "Is he your only child?" No, I have a two year old. "Oh, but he is your oldest." When I brought ideas to the table, she was obviously resistant and confrontational.

I love and admire teachers, too. My greatest influences have been teachers, and I teach at our community college.

I have asked for specifics, and the teacher says, "he just wants to get done as fast as possible, so he can do what he wants," and "he is always yelling," AND "he tries to manipulate the situation back to him." His psychologist has described his anxiety as a need to have control over his environment, which can look like manipulation, but he's actually just trying to make the situation comfortable again. I received a note that he was trying to get the kids to laugh at a student's art work. He says he wasn't. Swears it. He's not a liar, but he will downplay situations to stay out of trouble (wouldn't any kid?). So I emailed to find out what happened because if he was, then we need to address it. His teacher has told me he is the most challenging student she has.

I'm thinking of starting a parent advocacy group. We live in a rural community, so we're dealing with a rural school. I am getting more involved in our neighboring metro area. One of the local institutions offers a gifted summer program that he is participating in. They offer info sessions for parents, too, so I'm hoping to meet people that way.

The pilot program was in school and he has done very well with it. I am going to use that in my next meeting, if they ever respond. At this point, if I don't get a response soon, I am going to go above them to the superintendent.

deacongirl, I haven't even heard of the book. It's now on my list!

Thanks again for the great advice and support! As you all know, this can be a lonely journey!

Your lucky, here the GT program starts in 3rd grade in select magnet schools, and 4th at the rest.
My DS5 is in Kinder with the same problems. We have a early access program that got him into kinder this year, but it's not enough.

I looked into early K, but our state doesn't allow it. We'd probably be in a much better position if it did!

So far and God willing, long may it last we have had nothing but support from all of the wonderful teachers my DD has had in her elementary school. We even had a teacher who had not wanted to differentiate for our DD have the professional integrity to openly declare at a meeting that she had been wrong once we showed the test results to the team.

This is not the situation that you and your DS are in - you tried being nice (the velvet glove) and got nowhere, now put the iron fist into that velvet glove.

Get elected onto the school board - resistance will vanish.

Use your educational training to your advantage :-)