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    Joined: Dec 2009
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    Oh, man, I know I felt the same, and my DD blames herself for everything, too. I think it takes a while to develop that filter, and perfectionistic kids may need help doing so.

    I teach high school, so the kids are much more self-advocates by then, and hyper-peer-aware, so I never reveal IEPs etc (privacy laws, too).

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    During rehearsal for holy communion, the sacristan yelled at the whole group of kids, some of whom had been vey rude, that if they weren't going to shape up, she'd cancel the whole thing. DS, whose behaviour is exemplary at these occasions, was devastated. It took a while till he believed me that cancelling wasn't going to happen. Thy never think about what these empty threats do to the more sensitive kids.

    Last edited by Tigerle; 05/03/15 11:08 PM.
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    Originally Posted by Tigerle
    During rehearsal for holy communion, the sacristan yelled at the whole group of kids, some of whom had been vey rude, that if they weren't going to shape up, she'd cancel the whole thing. DS, whose behaviour is exemplary at these occasions, was devastated. It took a while till he believed me that cancelling wasn't going to happen. Thy never think about what these empty threats do to the more sensitive kids.

    Indeed, there's never a greater injustice for the well-behaved than to punish them for the actions of the rest of the group, which they did not participate in, and which they have no power to control. It sends a message, too: "Why bother following the rules? I'll just get punished anyway!"

    This is why I draw a sharp distinction between treating people fairly and treating them equally. They are two very different things.

    Punishing the whole group is just laziness on the part of the authority figure, because it's easier than dealing with the varying levels of misbehavior on the part of multiple individuals.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    Indeed, there's never a greater injustice for the well-behaved than to punish them for the actions of the rest of the group, which they did not participate in, and which they have no power to control... Punishing the whole group is just laziness on the part of the authority figure, because it's easier than dealing with the varying levels of misbehavior on the part of multiple individuals.
    Agreed. Not a fan of collective punishment.

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    Oh but "leadership" a quality that you need checked off on your gifted check list

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