Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Inability to make up one's mind - gifted trait?

My 7 year old has been unable to make up his mind for the past 2 years. I am not even talking about big decisions. The small ones - like shoes or crocs to go outside, shower or bath, sandwich or pizza for lunch etc. etc. Usually, after I ask these questions, there is no reply. After a while I ask him to be respectful and answer my question and he replies with "I am thinking about it". If I asked him something else that was more important - like do you want to sign up for robotics camp or art camp for summer, that would probably take him a month to decide. He was not like that until he turned 5 years old. He was quick and precise and knew what he wanted. But, the older he gets, the more difficult it is for him to make choices. He is very good at answering quizzes in school, but it he gets a problem that requires him to analyze data, it takes him forever to figure out what conclusions he wants to make.
Frankly, it is annoying for me, especially for the really small stuff, though I try to prod him along gently by reminding him of the possibilities - e.g. since he ate a sandwich yesterday for lunch, maybe he could try something else for lunch today etc.
Is this a gifted trait? Or is it just phase at this age? TIA.

Giftedness -> Perfectionism -> Procrastination/Indecision

I would use a combination of natural consequences/deadlines, parental-imposed consequences/deadlines, and parental choice (taking the decision out of his hands), depending on the situation. Talking through the decision making process and friendly reminders of impending deadlines can help, as can reminders that the decision doesn't have to be perfect.

Ohhhhh, I have one like that. Actually, my "easier," less intense child (the more intense one is extremely decisive...good luck changing her mind...and that, too, has its challenges) is that way...and it is a maddening trait. DS6's perfectionism seems to also include the need to make a perfect decision...I can sympathize with it, but at times it makes our lives (sigh) insane.

I have gotten to the point where I try to talk him through why he feels as though each might be a good decision, and then I almost point him to a decision (but I try to make it his idea)...because he seems to almost need that. It has helped. A bit.

Isn't living with gifted kiddos interesting?

But that forces him to think about what he wants for lunch. It is faster to operate by rote. I had a peanut butter sandwich, milk, and Hershey bar every day for lunch in elementary school, so I never had to think about it .

Sounds like the Buridan's Ass paradox.

Limit the choices.

Yes. This was my brother. I think slow processing speed and ADHD can also exacerbate this in a gifted kid. I don't think this is a respect issue.

I can't say that it's a gifted trait or a phase because I don't think it is. However, I do have one child who sometimes wants to palm off certain decisions on me. For the most part except for trivial stuff, I don't allow it given his age. He has also expressed a desire to have all his outfits exactly the same because it's too much trouble to have to match clothes or figure out what to wear. He did go through a stage in first grade where he would appear in the same outfit every Saturday; it took me a while to notice the trend. I think part of it is not wanting to take the time to think about stuff that are unimportant to him. The other part is not wanting to be responsible for making the "wrong" decision.

I personally do this myself. I don't know when it started, and I wouldn't call it a gifted trait, per se, but it seems like small decisions are the worst almost. For me I think the biggest problem is that it's always like I'm "missing" the other choice if I don't choose it -- for example, if I eat the sandwich, would I wish I had had pizza? What if I don't eat pizza again for a while? What if....? It's not like I get anxious over it or anything; it's just more like, "Well, but I COULD...".
I think what works best is either saying " We had x yesterday so let's have y today", or helping to reframe the decision by reminding him either option will work, maybe making a list of pros and con's if it's a big decision. My mother always told me it's not a lifetime decision. At least, ice cream isn't.

One of my sibs went through a phase like this, too, where the answer to any non-factual question was "I don't know". In retrospect, I think it was the awareness that it is impossible to have all of the information about any one situation, such that one can definitively make the "right" decision. I seem to recall that it stopped around the time college started...I wonder if moving on to an instructional setting that acknowledged uncertainty helped.

I do think that it is a good idea to emphasize that, most of the time, we are choosing from two good options.

And for myself, you should see me trying to pick something from a menu...

Just jumping on the "oh yes, do I know paralyzed by decisions" bandwagon. No solutions, but listening hard.