Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy parents are nuts to think their kids are advanced

I'm sure lots of parents here get this reaction from teachers, but it still bothers me. I've recently talked with a district administrator and a school teacher about maybe coming up with special arrangements for DD10 who is a gifted musician so that she can make better use of the time during school's instrument program. The reaction, in a very subtle but unmistakable way, was that I must be nuts to think that my kid is more advanced than other kids, even though I am very familiar with the local music education scene. I don't even talk with school teachers anymore about math or reading or foreign language... But I thought music is something where a kid's level is so easy to tell: what is the kid's repertoire, how many years of ensemble experience, the level of the orchestra, etc. ... Oh well, DD has asked me for a couple of years to talk to the school about her music class arrangement, I promised I'd fight, then it turns out harder than I thought and DD seems discouraged. I'm still trying though. Any thoughts?

I'd start with their written rules. What is the district's acceleration policy? Do they address giftedness in the arts, or only in other academic subjects?

Have you documented her repertoire? Having a list of pieces mastered, recital dates, and letters of recommendation and/or commendation may be of help.

You may wish to follow the basic advocacy approaches outlined in the Davidson Guidebook Advocating for Exceptionally Gifted Young People, tailoring this to music rather than academics.

I hear you. If we kept on pushing, we might have been known as that parent who think rules should apply to everyone but to their child so we didn't.

I get this hunch that most people feel DD4 can do what she can do because of the home environment and exposure. Meaning, any children would be "advanced" if they were fortunate enough to have parents who would pay for music lessons and have the time to help practice.

Just like with academics, people in general seem to think only the extreme cases you see in the mass media are gifted.

Thanks for the reply, everyone.

DeeDee, our district doesn't have any gifted program and I haven't found any written policy. I know lots of parents who feel strongly about this.

Indigo: yes, I gave the teacher details about DD's repertoire and her past experience (short of sending her DD's performing arts resume). I haven't heard from the teacher since... I will have a chance to talk with the principal about other things and will bring this up again.

Mana: I know what you mean. Our teacher obviously felt that kids who have had a few years of private instrument lessons are all advanced. This is true relative to kids who have never had lessons. But kids who have had a few years lessons can be at vastly different levels.

To get buy-in from the teacher, you probably need to figure out what can be done within their offerings, i.e. ask for something that they can reasonably give you. Do you want her accelerated into a group at a higher grade level, for instance?

Ohhhhh... this makes me CRAZY. LOL even just reading what you've written has me writhing with fury.

I work in education so I see both ends: some kids are delayed in learning regardless of how much extra support they get, and then... some learn at the speed of light and are driven by fervent curiosity to figure things out themselves and are capable of doing so, and become restless and stressed when they don't have access to new information and learning.

Parents of typical kids don't have the experience to see this though. They just don't have the exposure to different levels of cognition, and they assume that if little Johnny had a math tutor he'd also be several grades ahead. No... not necessarily.

ITA. I'd also take advantage of the power of the "group" - you mentioned that you know other parents that have similar concerns - pulling your voices together toward a common goal that is something that can be accomplished within the bounds of limited school budget and limited teacher time to deal with will help you get closer to success.

I also realize this isn't going to be an ideal answer, but have you considered something after-school as an option? I realize that is essentially what you are already providing privately, but if there's a small group of talented musicians at school, would they be able to work together as a group one day a week before or after school (or whatever) if one or two parent volunteers sponsored and supervised them?

Just a few thoughts - good luck!

polarbear

Yes, I agree and I tend to think spotting musically gifted children is really easy. I suspect that your DD's music teacher knows your DD is talented and accomplished (unless he or she is tone-deaf...which would be rather problematic).

Has this school ever offered acceleration or exemption in the past to your DD or any other children? If that's not something they do, trying to change that culture would be an uphill battle.

Thanks. Parents definitely do a lot to make up for the lack of a gifted programs, we run a lot of enrichment clubs. But in-class enrichment has always been an issue. We haven't seemed to be able to make much headway. DD does a ton of musical activities outside of school, participates in outside orchestras since 1st grade (she has been with middle- and high-school orchestras), formal training programs, etc. etc. Ideally we'd ask for some form of exemption, letting her use the time to do theory work, practice her solo music, etc. Not sure whether it's possible at all.