Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy can i refuse detention for my child?

HowlerKarma posed excellent questions and observations. I would only add: detention for a 9-year-old? Really? Nine? What will it accomplish?

Wishing you well in the meeting.

I'm asking people not to quote this because I'm going to delete or edit it later.

DD's elementary school suspended a 7-yr-old with Asperger's/ADHD when he was left unsupervised at recess (he never went outside with the other kids and the teacher went to the lounge). Rather than put his coat on and go outside, he went back into the classroom and started fiddling around with a chromebook, because he's fascinated by electronic gadgets and has no impulse control. He dropped it on the floor and the screen cracked. He then tried to hide it. Then he went outside. The school/district refused to do anything about the suspension even after the mom complained. The State would do nothing because there is nothing "illegal" about this. The mom asked for a functional behavioral assessment because even though he is on an IEP, this was never done. It is now 6 months later and the school never did it. Schools get away with an amazing amount of BS. Besides the suspension, they also made him spend 2 or 3 weeks doing "chores" around the school to pay for the broken chromebook. They told the mom that if she doesn't start disciplining him better, he's going to end up in jail when he's older.

My 9-year-old was suspended for a day, for vandalism. She was picking loose grout out from between the tiles in the bathroom because she liked the way it felt running through her hands.

I have to say that I think DS is under qualified to make this decision - if you have alternatives, please remove him from this school. I don't think it even matters who is right/wrong etc. It appears to have gone beyond that, and it can only be detrimental to your son.

Update: hubby had the meeting. The Dean of students threw the slips out and said it was inappropriate and the teacher wrote down "defiance of authority" as the reason for detention. The Dean confided in hubby they have received numerous complaints about this one teacher by more than a dozen other parents and the school is on the process of completing paperwork for the union to not renew her contract next year but they have yet to find a sub to finish the school year. So...looks like we arent crazy and arent the only ones either and the Dean and hubby are working together to do what is best for DS.

And no he is not getting detention.

Whew. That's major progress and it's always a good feeling to have one's thinking confirmed!

well done, I guess then maintain status quo, and ignore teacher for rest of year?

When I was in grade school, my friend and I like to peel off and play with the putty on the windows...it was putty, after all! We didn't get detention or suspension, no, it was worse: the janitor came out to tell us not to do it because the window would leak and maybe even fall out.

He was actually very nice, we were just horrified that we had maybe caused a problem for him. We took good care of our school after that.

We had a similarly toxic situation in our local public before DD was approved for OOD placement only ours involved a horrible, unqualified principal who set the tone for the entire school. The whole sordid mess was chronicled here so many of the long term members will likely remember what we dealt with. It was b-a-d.

From that perspective may I suggest that you put a written complaint in to the school district about this teacher's inappropriate/retaliatory/discriminatory behavior. In it be sure to include a request that the complaint "be included as part of her personnel record." What we found was without this phrase the complaint never existed. No matter how many parents complained, over what period of time or how egregious the behavior the complaints didn't "officially" exist. The superintendent could look me in the eye and say "I've only received 2 or 3 complaints over the years" even though I personally knew twice that many that had complained to her over the course of a year. With that phrase the principal/district/superintendent/school board will HAVE to look at the behavior. They CAN'T ignore it.

I am surprised that the Dean of Students was so candid with your DH. All we ever got was eye rolls, deep sighs and sympathetic nods of the head. We had folks from central office take over DD's case, had another principal oversee any and all decisions involving DD and her IEP and even filed a Dept of Ed complaint. The principal was eventually removed from the school but not fired. She was "promoted" to a newly created position at central office. Not the best outcome but at least other kids in the school were protected from her outrageous behavior. Your teacher has union protection. A paper trail will be essential.

Do not blink. Do not look the other way. Do not expect her behavior to change. You will need to vigilant to get your DS through this school year unscathed. Hopefully the Dean of Students will be an ally but you will need to be there every time this teacher behaves inappropriately towards your DS. Every. Single. Time.

Good luck and please keep us posted.