Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Educational Choices--What to Do for Next Year??

My 9-year-old (3rd grade) 2e (ADHD/mild ASD) DS and I have been quite happily homeschooling for the past two years (not that it's perfect but working pretty well for us both). He had been kicked out of his private school two years ago in 1st grade after he was having severe meltdowns and some aggression with peers and teachers. He had been skipped a grade after six weeks of 1st grade with the curriculum being well below his level. Academically he was at the top of 2nd grade but socially and emotionally he was not able to keep up. He also had a HORRIBLE 2nd grade teacher who did not agree with the administration's decision to accelerate him and took it out on my son. We all had a very traumatic year needless to say.

So here we are two years later with the diagnoses listed above. He is currently on Ritalin but not on a long acting form because too much medication gave him severe eye/head tics. It manages his symptoms pretty well but not ideally, especially since he really needs to be on a long acting dose for maximum coverage. We are going to be looking into some other medication options. Even with the low pressure of homeschooling he does have occasional outbursts and sometimes it is difficult to get him to do his schoolwork but it's manageable because we have flexibility.

I was planning on homeschooling him again as I saw no other option. Traditional school would not work for him because the work would be way too easy for him and I do not want to accelerate him again. But...I half-heartedly put in an application to the county school system for the very competitive highly gifted center and what do you know...he was accepted! I actually couldn't believe it because when he was kicked out of the private school we went through the entire IEP process and qualified for an IEP and I disclosed this information on the application. I figured if they read it they may not want to take him because of the information contained in it about getting kicked out of his school and his behavior/emotional issues. Yet, they accepted him. He did receive two perfect scores on quantitative and non-verbal on the Cogat and a good score on the verbal section.

Sigh. I don't know what to do. From what I can gather, the gifted program (a self contained classroom for two years) is for compliant children who work very hard and are bright or marginally gifted. My son is highly gifted (not sure exactly what range, but he shows definite signs of being HG+). I'm sure there will be a few PG kids in the program but it doesn't seem to cater to 2e kids. He would have an IEP and the school would be mandated to follow it but if that is not what they are looking for in a student then I'm afraid it wouldn't work. My DH and I and terrified he would have meltdowns in a high-pressure environment. They supposedly have tons of homework everyday and sometimes on weekends. My son is brilliant and will work so hard on his passionate interests but not necessarily what a teacher asks of him, especially if he has to do what the teacher says all day long, every single day. He does go to homeschool classes currently and does well but the classes are very small and there is flexibility (he's not going to be sent to the proverbial office if he chooses not to do part of an assignment).

I was hoping this program would be flexible but it doesn't sound that way.

To make matters even more confusing, we found out recently that our local Montessori now integrates all the subjects into the Montessori philosophy. Previously only part of the day was in true Montessori style and part of the day was traditional school style (which I did not feel would be a good fit for DS). So, I took a look and it did seem to be a nice environment that has freedom but has structure in terms of the assignments required from the students at given points. There are many children with ADHD in the school and some of these kids we know and they can be difficult and might not make the best friends for my own ADHD kid. It's a small school so there are not many kids to choose as friends. We know one child who is bit of a bully. Also, while the school says that they will cater to his level, I am wondering if he will be bored. How can the regular Montessori teacher be able to teach at middle or high school or college level? I know I am unable to do that so I run him around to advanced homeschooling classes in the area. He is really, really bright and kind of knows "everything." He's an expert on too many subjects to count. How is this teacher going to deal with that?

This takes me back to homeschooling. Try as I may to find DS social opportunities, it is difficult. There are not built in peers as there are at school. Also, it's like herding cats trying to get many homeschooling parents to commit to regular get togethers as everyone is busy with their own commitments, not to mention DS does not have the best social skills.
And homeschooling is not easy. It has become my life's dedication for better or for worse. Part of me is jumping for joy at the opportunity to have free time for myself and part of me is mourning the loss of my "job" and spending time with my son. I've kind of adopted the homeschooling philosophy and lifestyle along the way and was thinking of homeschooling my daughter as well next year (my kids are totally different so it would pose an additional challenge).

If you've followed along thus far, I thank you! I'm in this crazy place of indecision. I'd appreciate any feedback or advice. We are totally stressed out with this decision. We want DS to be successful in school emotionally and also receive academic challenges. We want him to make lasting friendships. What we really need is loving, nurturing, family-friendly 2e school which of course there are none around here or practically anywhere! Thanks for letting me vent here and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

If you haven't already, take your son and go and visit the schooling options. Have these discussions with those schools and give them a chance to explain what they would do for your child in his circumstances. See the classrooms at work. Ask if your son can sit in while you talk to the Head. The only way to get a real feel is to to be there.

If your DS takes up the option for the Gifted class there is nothing stopping you going to back to homeschooling or another option if it doesn't work out. We were worried about the workload when our daughter, who does not have your DS's particular challenges, went into a gifted class. Turns out they were very flexible about homework if you spoke to them. They were building skills but not at the expense of the child and their happiness.

Is part time home school an option? It is in some states and some situations but not all.

You need to trust your instincts once you have a feel for what the schools could provide. With a good IEP would it work? Would he have access to additional services at school? New friends? Different skills?

You are fortunate that home schooling has been working and it remains an option. I don't think it stops being an option if you try something new and it doesn't work.

You've received great advice already. I'll just add that you may wish to make a school comparison chart to aid you in your decision making. A spread sheet makes it easy to list pros and cons of each learning environment in a simple grid format, and to add more weight to the factors you believe are most important, at this time, for finding a good "fit" in a learning environment.

The Davidson Databse has articles on school selection, including some questions parents may wish to ask.

I sent you a PM. I echo what was said about talking to them. They aren't necessarily going to tell you it's not going to be a good fit, because they can't discriminate on the basis of a disability. Also, I'm wondering if his IEP is still valid if it was written a couple years ago and you have been homeschooling?

I would echo prior post suggesting that you ask if your son can spend a day (or half day) at the Montessori and the gifted schools. We have found that this is a really good initial screen for our DS. In one case, we found that he loved it and didn't want to leave; while the second one was "boring" and clearly they hadn't made any attempts to help him connect with them that day (despite what they'd told us -- a huge red flag).

Thanks for the responses! Unfortunately part-time homeschooling is not an option in our state. My son will get a chance to tour the school and go into the gifted class on a different day than the parent open house but the principal is not keen on letting us parents sit in on the class so I doubt she will want to let my son do that. I think I will push for at least me sitting in--otherwise I feel that I can't make a well-informed decision. In the Montessori it is the complete opposite--they require a student to spend several hours in the class before enrolling.

Thanks for the making a spreadsheet suggestion and the link for the Davidson Database.

Yes, we are fortunate that we do have homeschooling as a good option.

Do you know other parents of kids who have been in the gifted program in the past so you could get an idea of how they liked the program? Hard to say how this program would work for your DS but if you were talking about the program in my district I would suggest sticking to home schooling.

My son was in a dedicated gifted program 4-6th and while it worked OK for 4th & 5th it was a disaster in 6th. I now regret sending him. DS (who is now 16) had outbursts and meltdowns and major social problems working with the other kids in 6th grade. There were many problems that year that caused the meltdowns. Big one was DS wasn't ready for the level of executive function the teacher expected and could not keep track of what was due when. The level quantity of homework was intense basically all 'seatwork' was send home as homework. Once we tested DS this past year I realized that his low processing & working memory likely exasperated the problem. The level of the work wasn't a problem but the quantity of homework and the expected level of independence.

One of the big issues for him during 6th grade was that a huge amount of the class was group projects. And while that sounded like it would help my son with his social issues. (Officially he isn't ASD but does have some of the characteristics.) The reality was my introverted child had trouble standing up for his ideas in these groups and sometimes just melted down when the other kids wouldn't listen to him. These were groups of bright opinionated and not that socially aware 11 year old boys and my son was getting ignored and talked over. It was a very frustrating experience for him and send him backwards socially instead of forwards. (6th grade is a hard time for many kids socially anyway.)

Questions I would ask. How much homework daily is expected. How is this homework assigned & recorded. How much of the work is group projects? For the group projects how much supervision and direction is given. What level of math do you teach? Can they accelerate or is the whole class on the same page. What books do you they read as a group? How do they satisfy grade level requirements?

Good Luck.

Sorry to hear about the difficulty that your son had in school, bluemagic. I totally understand. It's something to think about regarding it happening in a full day gifted program. I think it would be similar for my DS about the executive function that the teacher would expect and the amount of homework; I could also see there being trouble in group work which I think our gifted program has a lot of. Good point about whether they will accelerate within the gifted program because my DS is really high in math and the principal said that they would be doing "compacted math" which is grade 3-4-5 math while my DS is already doing middle school math and could most likely take it even higher if given the opportunity. She didn't seem willing to listen regarding acceleration. So frustrating on all accounts. At least I'm gaining some clarity. Thank you.