Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 210 guests, and 14 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    streble, DeliciousPizza, prominentdigitiz, parentologyco, Smartlady60
    11,413 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    Joined: Apr 2012
    Posts: 84
    J
    Jai Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    J
    Joined: Apr 2012
    Posts: 84
    So, I think we are giving up on having my son in public school at the end of this school year (kindergarten). I feel terrible I researched and picked this school and I thought it would fit his needs. The teacher is overwhelmed and doesnt differentiate. I feel like this year is a total waste for my kid. I feel horrible and guilty. Some of the students' behaviors were so severe that the principal, assistant principal and counselor intervened and asked the parent volunteers to stop coming while the class was "restructured." And when I say severe--one student smeared feces on the bathroom wall (bathroom is located in classroom.).

    My son has been acting out and is obsessed with the behavior chart. He isn't challenged and I honestly think what little he did learn could have been done in a month of me homeschooling.

    I don't even know what to look for in a private school. My husband and I found one that we both like (a rarity), and I think our son would appreciate the faster pace, but I no longer trust my judgment because I liked the public school. I just don't know where to start.

    Joined: Nov 2013
    Posts: 314
    N
    ndw Offline
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    N
    Joined: Nov 2013
    Posts: 314
    I'm really sorry to hear about your experience Jai and it's bound to have shaken you. It's hard for any of us to work out if a school is going to be a good fit at the best of times.

    Private schools can be tricky, well any school really, because they can make promises that aren't fulfilled. Is it possible for your son to have a couple of trial days at the school? That way you will get a sense of whether it might work.

    What we look for in a private school is the same for any school, a productive flexible environment where our child feels comfortable. There is the difficulty that much of that is teacher dependent so you can have good years and bad depending on the teacher. Do you think that might have been a contributing factor to what is happening at the current school. Difficult children and a teacher who struggles?

    Regardless, it is important to visit prospective schools and try and get a feel for the atmosphere. Is it rowdy or calm, happy or rough, does there seem to be respect between the children and the teacher, do they value the parents? Remember it will be your experience that is important too. Can you communicate with the school? Even if they don't know have all the answers are they willing to work on it? Do you know anyone who has had a child there? Personal recommendations are useful but of course, every child has different needs so take them knowing your child could be different.

    There are resources around, try the Hoagies site for what to look for in a school. Good luck

    Joined: Apr 2013
    Posts: 5,244
    Likes: 1
    I
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    I
    Joined: Apr 2013
    Posts: 5,244
    Likes: 1
    Originally Posted by Jai
    what to look for in a private school
    This article from the Davidson Database, Choosing the right school for your gifted child, may be of interest.

    Schools for gifted kids are few and far between. Many parents learn advocacy techniques in preparation for working with their child's school.

    Joined: Mar 2014
    Posts: 387
    C
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    C
    Joined: Mar 2014
    Posts: 387
    We got professional help (our Hoagies IQ tester also consulted with us). There are dozens of private schools in our area and our psychologist narrowed it down to a handful. We picked one and it has worked out great.

    The advice was expensive, but it was well worth it. When it came to picking a school for my kid I knew we needed help.

    Last edited by cmguy; 03/27/15 06:16 PM.
    Joined: Jul 2010
    Posts: 480
    T
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    T
    Joined: Jul 2010
    Posts: 480
    I would sit down and really think about what you're looking for in a school. How do you feel about things like longer days, outside time, homework, creativity, and many other issues?

    Personally, I'd ask how many kids they have like your child, and what they do for them.

    But, did you know that if you're in the northern hemisphere you've missed private school application season? They mostly want applications by Jan/Feb and offers for next year have gone out.

    Joined: Apr 2012
    Posts: 84
    J
    Jai Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    J
    Joined: Apr 2012
    Posts: 84
    Thank you all for your replies. I am trying to remain calm and collected. I live in a large town in the southern United States where basically all the private schools having rolling admissions (with maybe the exception of one that I couldn't afford) and no wait lists so that is not an issue here. I visited (and eliminated) several schools before we selected the public school so I will go out and visit the remaining ones. Some of the reasons that we liked the school: (1) the director spent almost two hours showing us the school and answering questions. We met all the teachers (K-5) and were able to go into the classrooms and observe the students. The students seems very happy and engaged. (2) the director says that we are welcome to come in and observe at any time just sign in at the office first. (3) the kindergarten work that was hanging on the walls is more advanced than what my son to currently doing--all the classes were doing more challenging/advanced work earlier than would be happening in our local public school 4) some of the children were setting up science projects in a part of the gym as it was science week. Each student from first-fifth grades does a project and answers questions from the judges. My son would LOVE doing this. (5) we talked to the director about our son participating in the gifted program at Vanderbilt and how quickly he learns. Also that we want him challenged and he is not currently. She seemed unfazed and said they have a few students like this and the teachers keep them challenged. The students are allowed to work ahead.

    My dislikes: (1) the school is attached to a church and while I do consider myself Christian, I want my son to be tolerant of differences. I recognize this is my own bias against religion. Nothing at the school or the director set off any warning bells. (And I have toured Christian schools were my alarm bells went off). (2) the library, playground and computer labs are smaller than at the public school. The computer lab is sufficient. We utilize our local library so that is not a problem. The playground is really basic/ small though. But the students do go to gym everyday.

    I need to follow up on how much homework is given. I emailed the director after I left and she says it is at the discretion of the teacher so I am going to find out if I can email the first grade teachers and ask directly.

    Joined: Sep 2011
    Posts: 3,363
    P
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    P
    Joined: Sep 2011
    Posts: 3,363
    Jai, trying to figure out which direction to take when you have multiple options and nothing seems perfect or even close to it is tough. My advice is two-fold: first, don't let this year's experience cause you to doubt your own gut feelings about what is going to be a good choice for your ds. Second, try not to worry that having a not-so-great experience one year (or maybe even longer), is going to mean that your child is going to fall behind or not live up to their full ability.

    quote=Jai]So, I think we are giving up on having my son in public school at the end of this school year (kindergarten). I feel terrible I researched and picked this school and I thought it would fit his needs. The teacher is overwhelmed and doesnt differentiate. I feel like this year is a total waste for my kid.[/quote]

    No matter how great a school is overall (school philosophy etc), the teacher in the classroom makes the difference - from my experience, it's *the* difference that counts. Many years before I ever had children, I remember my best friends noting that no matter what school you send your children too, there is going to be one year that you're going to have your kid land in a class with a teacher that is just not good. It happens across the board. We've had it happen with our kids - it can be miserable, but it also doesn't mean that the school overall isn't a really good fit for your child. So - before you definitely decide to move, network around a bit to see what the first grade teachers are like, what other parents have to say about them. It might not be that this school is a bad fit, it could be that it was just this year's teacher.

    Quote
    I feel horrible and guilty.

    You have nothing to feel horrible and guilty about. You did your best to try to find a good fit for your ds, you researched schools. Sometimes we get lucky and all works out as we'd hoped, sometimes it doesn't. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it's because of something you did or didn't do - you really tried, so feel confident that you did what you needed to do, and feel confident moving forward as you reassess.

    Quote
    Some of the students' behaviors were so severe that the principal, assistant principal and counselor intervened and asked the parent volunteers to stop coming while the class was "restructured." And when I say severe--one student smeared feces on the bathroom wall (bathroom is located in classroom.).

    We've had our kids at a school where behavioral issues with other kids were overwhelming to the point that the teachers really had limited time for putting energy into teaching (they were too busy managing behavior). This is a really tough situation to be in as a teacher - I have a close friend who is an early elementary teacher faced with this same issue and it's beyond frustrating for her. She's a great teacher, but managing children who are in the classroom without the support that they need takes up a huge amount of her time. She's also very concerned for the kids who have the behavioral challenges, because they are kids and they need support and they aren't getting it from the school district or from their parents. So I'd also look at - are these issues that exist across classrooms and grade levels at this school? If so, it's a tough situation to have a child in who wants to learn.

    Quote
    I don't even know what to look for in a private school. My husband and I found one that we both like (a rarity), and I think our son would appreciate the faster pace, but I no longer trust my judgment because I liked the public school. I just don't know where to start.

    You look for the same things in a private school you look for in a public school - what you want for your child, academic challenge level, learning philosophy, environment etc. Whatever *you* want for your child. With a private school, there are a few add-ons to consider (some would be the same if you are looking into public charters) - how long has the school been around, is it financially stable, is it growing/stable/ or shrinking in terms of total # of students - and if it's shrinking, why? Does it compensate teachers well enough to attract and retain quality teachers? Are parents satisfied with it, enthusiastic about it? Is there an expectation of parental involvement and does that fit with what you are comfortable with? Are there "add-on" expenses involved that might be a strain financially for your family (class trips, fundraisers, etc)? If it's only an elementary school, where do students typically move to for secondary?

    A few other questions to consider from your family's perspective - how far is the drive (I'm guessing there isn't a bus option), and how does the commute impact family life? Do you have younger children? Do you see yourself sending them to this same school?

    Re being non-Christian in a Christian school - ask what the percentage of non-Christians enrolled is, and also ask about denominations - is there a high percentage of one denomination vs others? One of my children attended a Christian school for awhile (we are Christian, but this school wasn't affiliated with our specific church or our denomination). I'll share a few things from our experience - which may be *completely* irrelevant from the experience you will have, but otoh, they are things you could ask about or be thinking about when you network with other parents. Our school advertised itself to us as a school of diverse (religion) families - there were children from different denominations and different churches from all around town. This was true, but it didn't really translate to diversity of what was taught or to diversity of philosophy of teaching faculty. Note: I'm not talking about expecting other religions and ideas to be embraced, I'm talking about different layers of how Christianity is approached. This also spilled over into the playground with peers. And the flip side of what you'd expect at a Christian school also happened - just because a school is "Christian" doesn't mean you're going to find your child in the midst of children with "Christian" values - our dd's "not acceptable to our family" vocabulary grew with leaps and bounds during recess at this school.. and that hasn't happened at any of the other schools she's attended.

    I hope that doesn't sound like I'm bashing schools with religious affiliations because I'm not! It's just been my family's experience that in finding a good fit for school philosophy and values, it's been easier for us to find a school that has values that align with our family values without the church-affiliation.

    It sounds like you've found a school you are really interested in - I'd trust your gut.

    Good luck as you move forward!

    polarbear

    Joined: Apr 2012
    Posts: 84
    J
    Jai Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    J
    Joined: Apr 2012
    Posts: 84
    Thank you, polarbear, for your thoughtful reply. And thank you to everyone who posted. We have some serious research and reflection to do over the next few weeks. This forum has made me feel a LOT less guilty, and I really appreciate that!


    Moderated by  M-Moderator 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    New, and you'd think I'd have a clue...
    by astronomama - 03/24/24 06:01 AM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    Son 2e, wide discrepancy between CogAT-Terranova
    by astronomama - 03/23/24 07:21 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5