Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Competitions. How young is too young?

I'm just not into competitions. To me, life isn't about being better than someone else or everyone else. I also want DD to learn something for the love of it and not make it about winning.

However, my DD4.5 just happens to be naturally super competitive. I told her piano teacher that we can't enter her into any competitions since DD'd be steaming mad if she doesn't win. We had a good chuckle over it since we both knew it's true.

We have a new string teacher and she wants us to commit to entering DD into next year's competition. We told her that we don't feel DD if developmentally ready.

We're not crazy stage parents. SO is taking this a bit more seriously than I am since he truly believes in her talent but he doesn't think music education should involve competition either.

When DD is a bit older and chooses to enter competitions, I don't think we'd prohibit her from entering them but how young is too young to enter competitions be it be music, chess, math, or sport?

In my opinion, anyone under age 4 is too young to compete. My DS is super competitive and he has entered competitions since he was 5 years old - in sports, chess, math, music. If you live in a cosmopolitan area, take your DD to watch the top profile music competitions there this year - there are "elementary" categories in instrumental music - you will be very surprised at how many little kids compete. The judges really take the time to write thoughtful comments and the ways the little kids can improve their skills and musicality.
We started with competitions that were very low stakes - the kind where every one got a medal and was treated like a winner. We then moved on to the competitive ones and at age 7 now, DS competes at the national level in some things.
In our case, competing has been a great learning experience and also opened DS's eyes to the fact that there are other kids out there whose drive, determination and skill set match his.

PS: I don't have a single competitive bone in my body, so this is all new to me. I think that preparing for competitions takes time away from learning new things. I do not voice my opinion, but let my DS lead the way.

My dd 3 and I play competitive games like cards, board games, connect 4 and so forth. Although, I sometimes let her win, most of the time I do not let her win. She is quite comfortable with the concept that sometimes other people will beat you at a competition. I started competitive games somewhere around 2 with tic tac toe. She plays soccer, but it is not competitive soccer. It is a bunch of kids learning to kick the ball around. As far as real competitions, I do not know, but I do believe competitions are valuable in general.

I was never one to want our DD to be involved in competitions especially when she was learning piano. Hard to say why but I didn't want her to be stressed and like you say, it was about learning and loving the music, not winning. Having said that, through one thing and another DD has been in different types of competitions. She was in the Eistedfford with her ballet group age 7 or 8 and a spelling bee. She has since done lots of academic type competitions and debating. It's not the same as what you are perhaps talking about but DD wasn't scarred and actually it has helped in lots of ways I didn't anticipate.

DD has become increasingly competitive but we don't put any emphasis on being in a competition other than taking part and using it as a way to face a challenge and, at times, fears. It is a good way to learn about not being the best, unless they win.

I have come to the conclusion that competitions aren't bad, it's more about the way you approach them and what you plan to get out of them. If it can be done without pressure or expectation or major meltdowns based on the outcome then have a go. Learning to both win and lose gracefully is a good social skill.

I was proud of our DD this week. She entered her first swimming race. She came dead last by a long long long way but I was so proud of her being involved and facing a fear. A kid she didn't know saw how nervous she was and yelled out to think of Maths equations. He obviously knew her. She thought about Quadratics all the way down the pool. No competitions aren't all bad!

I think this is child and event dependent. DS did math pentathlon in kinder and ended the event in tears because he only won 3 out of 5 matches. This is not a high stress competition, but I think he was a little young. The next competition was in Destination Imagination (DI) last year (second grade) and it was a great experience for him. They didn't win, and I never even saw the score sheet. The kids totally didn't care. It was a great team competition.

This year (third grade) he tried out for the UIL (University Interscholastic League - it's a Texas thing) Spelling competition at his school, made the team and went on to win a medal at the district competition. It was a great experience for him to have to work hard over a long period of time to be successful and to compete with other students who are the best at their schools. At his age I did have to plan the studying for him so that he worked a little each day (15-20 minutes) so that it didn't become overwhelming for him. I feel like that kind of event would have been a bit too much pressure a few years ago, but was great for his current stage of development.

He is doing DI again this year, and I doubt they will place as some teams are super committed and only admit gifted students (our school accepts all students), but it has been fabulous learning experience for him again this year.

There is a line from the poem "If... " by Rudyard Kipling which seems to answer well the question of when one is ready for competition:
Evidently this line is written on the wall of the players' entrance at Wimbledon, reminding competitors of the importance of good sportsmanship and winning/losing with grace.

I think it's child-dependent. Can the child handle losing and winning with grace in other situations? You may also want to find out how intense the feel of the competition is. DS started competing in chess tournaments at 5. I really was hesitant, and there are still things about it that I dislike, but it's also been good for him. I noticed his grace and sportsmanship when he started playing a team sport--he handled loss and failure much better than many other kids who had probably not experienced a lot of this before. I would actually feel more enthusiastic about it if he were less good at chess. He has a lot of expectations on him.

Also, music is really different from chess or sports. You can't really participate in chess or sports without someone winning or losing. Music is not inherently about that, so that would give me more pause.

We have a friend who's 10 YO son (at school with mine) is a national level athlete. Every time we talk, I get the Mars/ Venus feeling: every bit of advice she offers, every suggestion she makes for kid's activities or supports, would be so terribly, utterly wrong if applied to my son.

But her son - very like both his parents - is *deeply* motivated by competition. Any kind of school work, homework, project, artistic endeavour, even play activities - frame it in a competitive way and he enthusiastically gives it his all, wants to work hard, learn more, engage more. Take away the competitive element and blah. He's checked out and half-hearted at best. My DS, in contrast, loathes any possible hint of competition, and thrives only when it's not there.

So - my thought isn't age-specific, but more, can you get into her head at this young age and start to get some sense as to where she might fall on the spectrum above? If competition weighs her down, minimize or avoid. On the other hand, if it inspires her to soar - well, then you might need to find ways to let her fly.

I'm not terribly thrilled with the idea of music as a competition, either. If you can play a piece of music with skill and expression, everyone wins.

But... if my DD were intrinsically motivated by that sort of thing, and she practiced with more enthusiasm and pushed her abilities as a result... why not?

In your place, I would look at bringing my DD to a competition as an observer. Let her see what the competition experience is like, what she would be up against, etc. And then I'd let her make the call. If it's something she wants to be a part of next go round, fine. If not, that's perfectly fine, too.