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    #211014 - 02/17/15 08:46 PM DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels?
    Cassmo451 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/09/13
    Posts: 109
    Loc: Missouri
    My dd10 is struggling with emotions and understanding others emotions. She said other students at school don't really get her and she doesn't fit in. I asked her why she feels they don't understand her, and she said that she sometimes acts silly and plays dumb (her words not mine). I asked her why she plays dumb she said that she plays dumb to understand how it feels to be wrong when a question is asked. She wants to know how it feels to always be criticized and to not be right even though you work hard to get the right answers. This seems odd to me but does any other parent have children doing this? I have know idea how to react to this situation. Any ideas?
    _________________________
    Cassie

    "Imperfections in our journey were what made it perfect."-Ewan McGregor

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    #211022 - 02/18/15 05:18 AM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    Cookie Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/28/14
    Posts: 599
    Hmmm never happened here. Maybe place an end date to the experiment say next Friday and then have a discussion about findings. Then ask that all future experiments be run before the ethics review board for approval (required when humans or animals are involved). The review board of course is you.

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    #211033 - 02/18/15 08:09 AM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    ultramarina Offline
    Member

    Registered: 08/24/10
    Posts: 3428
    Wait, do they not understand her because she plays silly and acts dumb, or for the opposite reason (she gets everything right and feels isolated)?

    DS6 has dumbed down his work at times to "match" his friends. He is asked for help a lot in the classroom and decided to start asking other people for help, too. He then got wrong answers but wrote them down anyway to be polite. At least, this is what he tells me, and I think it's probably true. He's a little weary of sticking out.

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    #211040 - 02/18/15 10:30 AM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    Cassmo451 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/09/13
    Posts: 109
    Loc: Missouri
    I think they don't understand her because she is just a different kid and we encourage her to be herself at home, but she likes to sing and makes up songs at school during recess and acts a little silly so the kids don't really know how to take her. Plus the others know she is in gifted pullout so when she acts not as smart they wonder why. This experiment is good in one way because the developmental doctor wanted her to put herself in others places to understand how they feel but I don't want her dumbing herself down to please others.
    _________________________
    Cassie

    "Imperfections in our journey were what made it perfect."-Ewan McGregor

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    #211110 - 02/19/15 04:42 PM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    FruityDragons Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/09/14
    Posts: 105
    Loc: Midwest USA
    Do you think she's doing it to fit in, hoping she'll understand others better? Is there a possibility she's being picked on about being smart? Or is she trying to figure out what it feels like to be "wrong" and to fail, which seems to me to point to a need for more challenge or opportunities to make mistakes?

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    #211115 - 02/19/15 07:20 PM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    madeinuk Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/18/13
    Posts: 1451
    Loc: NJ
    There are days at work where I am sorely tempted to do the same as your 10 year old but half of me is afraid that I may like it too much.

    The only downside would be the self loathing during any lucid intermissions LOL
    _________________________
    Become what you are

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    #211207 - 02/22/15 09:12 PM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    Cassmo451 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/09/13
    Posts: 109
    Loc: Missouri
    I think she is truly trying to understand others because they don't always understand her. She says she wants to move where more people "get" her. I think it may be partly to fit in but also to understand her age peers. I don't know how to help her because the "experiment" may not go as she plans. But who knows. Right now we are out because of a LOT of snow so maybe once we get back to school she will have come up with another plan.
    _________________________
    Cassie

    "Imperfections in our journey were what made it perfect."-Ewan McGregor

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    #211210 - 02/23/15 05:52 AM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    Bostonian Offline
    Member

    Registered: 02/14/10
    Posts: 2603
    Loc: MA
    To really understand what it's like to feel dumb she needs to study subjects that are on the borderline of being too hard for her. Doing so also has educational value.
    _________________________
    "To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle." - George Orwell

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    #211216 - 02/23/15 09:01 AM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Bostonian]
    Cookie Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/28/14
    Posts: 599
    Originally Posted By: Bostonian
    To really understand what it's like to feel dumb she needs to study subjects that are on the borderline of being too hard for her. Doing so also has educational value.


    Great point! If only our educational system was designed this way. If we ran the show, it would be.

    Also, things like musical instruments, chess, and even a sport can put kids in a position where they are on that borderline.

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    #211502 - 02/26/15 10:04 PM Re: DD10 is acting "dumb" to understand how it feels? [Re: Cassmo451]
    Cassmo451 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/09/13
    Posts: 109
    Loc: Missouri
    Thanks for the info. At least I don't feel like I am in over my head. I am trying to do a lot of pushing her at home since school isn't very challenging. Every vacation we take has some educational thing to it and she has to study up on the big project. She has just started to learn to play chess and golf. And next year she has the opportunity for band in school. I try my best to challenge her but I think she is way beyond me.
    _________________________
    Cassie

    "Imperfections in our journey were what made it perfect."-Ewan McGregor

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