Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional How to tell DD about ADHD/she doesn't want to hear

Our psychologist spent the last session talking with DD9 about DD's diagnosis of ADHD inattentive type. DD came out of the meeting muttering about "the scary lady", as she calls the psych. DD did not want to discuss what went on in the session (absolutely not!!). Just so you know, DD does not believe that the psych. really likes her (or any other kid). DD claims the psych. is just doing a job that she gets paid for, and that the woman is just faking being nice to her. DD10 likes the woman as do my husband and I. She is really kind!! So frustrating that DD won't work with this woman.

I spent time attempting to speak with DD about ADHD today. I brought up book characters who deal with it, compared it to wearing glasses, etc (used terms/phrase I have seen mentioned here). DD would have none of it, and she argued that it was NOT physical in nature. As usual (when she is highly agitated) she wiggled and wiggled as she sat in my lap. Finally she stated that she was not going to talk about it any more. Oh no.
So, can anyone care to lead me to some good books to give her (she's a non fiction reader for sure)? Websites for me to help me explain myself better? I can't wait to hear if DD does talk about it with the therapist because DD has said over and over that while it is ok for others to talk to their therapist, she has no intention of sharing her "personal business". Big sigh from me. Where in the world did she get the idea that it is not a good idea to talk to a therapist? FYI - many of our family members are in the mental health field so therapists are part of her every day experience.

Oh, by the way, the therapist doesn't usually do "talk therapy" - it's very play or art based.

greenlotus, I've found helpful articles on the website "ADDitude" (www.additudemag.com). Quite a lot of it is written for adults with ADHD rather than just parents or kids, so it might be a good starting point for her, and talk to her at a more direct and appropriate level than many other sources.

It seems to be easy-read but decently evidence-based, with most of the articles written by people who have BTDT. It includes a lot of recommended resources, so she might be able to identify follow-up articles, books, sites, and other more in-depth materials that particularly appeal to her. It has lots of info specific to ADHD-I as well, and doesn't always mix the various types as some other sites do.

As a person who was forced to see a creepy psychologist (who studied with Anna Freud, no less) for several years as a child, I get where your daughter is coming from on this.

If your daughter finds the therapist scary, I'd respect that and find a different practitioner and approach.

I don't really believe play therapy has value for this sort of thing. But I'm a huge believer in Cognitive-Behavior Therapy once the child has enough maturity to do it.

With this kid, I'd back off the labels for a while, but when something comes up that goes poorly due to the ADHD, I would probably say "oh, remembering to bring the homework back is a struggle for you right now. Here's the strategy I think will work better for us next time." And directly teach the new strategy.

Eventually you can get to: "oh, now we know that's a thinking mistake from your ADHD" and keep reinforcing the strategies.

A label can be very empowering-- knowing that you have a problem that *comes with solutions*. But offering the label first can be off-putting especially to tweens. Come at it with solutions first, and then gradually connect the solutions with the label.

I would also agree with Kai. If you daughter doesn't like this therapist, then she isn't a good fit for your DD10. If you think you DD needs to see someone at this time then you probably need to find someone new for her. No reason to change for the other daughter. Choosing therapists can be complicated & personal, and just because you like her doesn't mean she is a good fit.

Don't have a lot of good idea's about the ADHD but I agree that there is no reason to PUSH the label. Are you trying to get her to take meds or do other strategies and she is resisting?

Good Luck.

My friend recommended their magazine as one of her children has ADHD. It is a good resource. I was just hoping to find something written for kids. I am going to look at their articles about how to talk to kids. Thanks for reminding me about the site!

I think this is very practical advice for us. We are working on solutions (504, list of tasks on a white board, etc). I have "Smart but Scattered" and need to actually read the book!!

A couple of things have happened that caused me to bring up "ADHD" to her. First, she KNOWS something is up. Her big sister is the most highly organized person on the planet, and it has become plain to DD9 that something is going on with her. She yells about how DD10 can do this and do that, and that she, DD9, cannot (organizational stuff). I was discussing a book character who has dyslexia and ADHD, and after I explained about ADHD, DD9 piped up that she probably had it as well. DD is also a science fiend so I figured that she might like to read about the topic. Our family has encountered numerous health issues, and we discuss them matter of factly. It just didn't go so well this time.
Oh, and I asked today about the difference between this therapist and one we had before. Both girls liked the previous one better because she liked to play games with them, and this woman talks more than plays. When I think about finding another therapist I get a sinking feeling. This psych. specializes in ADHD, takes our insurance, is a nice woman who only works with kids, successfully helped us with the school, and has some knowledge about giftedness (a bit, admittedly).It took me forever to find her!! We cannot afford to go out of pocket. I am very very aware of finding the right "fit" for a therapist. DD doesn't want to "tell her business" to me either. I am just very patient about pulling info out of her. It's a very difficult process!!!!! Big big sigh coming from me. DD10 can't wait to tell me all her hopes, fears, woes. DD9 just holds it all tight.

Have you looked at the website of Magination Press by American Psychological Association (APA)? A quick search on their site, by Subject, shows 21 Children's Books on Attention Deficit Disorder and Learning Disabilities, including:
Attention Girls! A Guide to Learn All about Your AD/HD
Cory Stories: A Kids's Book About Living with ADHD
Get Ready for Jetty! My Journal About ADHD and Me
Help is on the Way! A Child's Book About ADD
Learning to Feel Good and Stay Cool: Emotional Regulation Tools for Kids with AD/HD
Putting on the Brakes
There are many more titles, these are just a few. In general the Children's books from Magination Press are quite good. There is a feature on the website which lets a potential customer read 2 or 3 sample pages from a book. Parents can use this to compare books and determine which titles may be best suited for a particular child.

Thanks, indigo! There are a couple of books here I had not run into before. Some of the books I found previously were either geared towards older kids (inappropriate topics) or written for little ones. I will go check out the ones on your list!