Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Early entry kindergarten--should we undo it?

While we did not intentionally do early entrance to K for middle kid, she was young for grade. She started in a private language immersion school in Pre-K. The birthday cutoff in the private school is December 31, but the local public school is September 30.

We always thought she was immature for her age, and she was really small. We asked the private school if she should repeat Pre-K (asked again in K), but they saw no need. I should add that this is the kid I declared "not-college-material" when she was four, so perhaps at the time it seemed that holding her back would help with academics.

When we moved her to the public school, we had her repeat 2nd grade. Academically, probably not a good thing because the private school was ahead of the public in most areas (writing, math, etc.). Socially was a different story. I think she was much better off in the "correct" grade for her birth date (in October). Still kind of immature, still small, but a better social fit. While many here may discount sports, I doubt she would have continued her main sport - and no way she would have picked up her other sport - if she was young for grade. She loves her sports and is in her fifth year of travel for her main sport.

I don't think middle kid is damaged for life. She is currently in 11th grade and seems to have made it this far without major "damage" (though I'm sure she'd claim that we parents damaged her in some way - but most 17 year olds will tell you that!).

The decision has a lot to do with the kid. My eldest was one of the youngest in her class (late August birthday). She was always fine with older kids, younger ones, same age...did not matter. Good luck and consider what is best for your son.

I also think it is worthwhile to consider taking the child out of K this year, skipping K and putting him in first grade next year.

Ours had problems at 4 that sound similar. She didn't act out, she withdrew (while smiling on the outside). Her personality at home changed so much we thought we had lost our child. The school said she was happy, but when they filled out evaluation forms for us, they noted autistic-like behavior, so there was a mismatch between school behavior and the school behavior that was reported to us.

Unlike HowlerKarma's daughter, mine really did need out of the situation. grades or work offered or any of that stuff wasn't even a consideration. We just needed her out of an atmosphere that had become toxic for her. When we removed her from the atmosphere, things were immediately better.

We did things that I wouldn't recommend to you--and mine has problems that you don't mention. However, I will say that I do sometimes regret not having her skip kindergarten and go straight from preK into first grade. Kindergarten is about writing and drawing, learning the rules and learning the alphabet. I think if you are thinking at a much higher level than your output allows for, kindergarten can be a really frustrating experience. No play, no thinking, lots of drawing and writing.

HK, I will look into that book. I cringe at the title, too, but the reviews indicate that it's more about the parents than the kid.


THIS. "Not exactly a sociopath" is accurate...but also very adept at making the adults around him walk on eggshells. His little sister (age 2) has even picked up on it, and knows when he's in a "mood" and will give him a wide berth.

NotSoGifted, it's helpful to hear about your experiences. Luckily, my son is on the tall side so he fits right in, height-wise. And for better or worse, he doesn't seem too into sports (yet). That could change, but we've tried to get him excited about sports and he is usually completely uninterested. But still, I do wonder if being with age-peers would just "fit" better.

Unfortunately, taking him out of K and doing 1st next year probably won't work unless we pay for private school. Our state won't let a kid go to 1st grade unless they're 6/7 years old or have completed a year of K. He'll be 5 this spring.


Yes, I think this is probably a significant factor in what's going on. His school is not a high-performing school (it's also a Title 1 school), so his peers tend to be less well-prepared for school than the kids in his day care were. I'm sure that's frustrating for him, and probably makes it hard to connect with them on some levels. He was flabbergasted during the first week of school when he realized that a good portion of his classmates did not know the alphabet and could not spell their names. We have tried to make friends with another girl at the school who is also 4 and in kindergarten, but she is in a different class so he doesn't see her as often.

Thank you for the input, everyone. There is so much here to chew on, and I feel so much less alone just knowing that others have wrestled with this.

So many good replies, I don't know if I have anything to offer.
My first reaction to how he feels about school and daycare make me think this is a personality issue. I know that with our son, emotionally speaking, he's been intense since day one and at 3 years and 11 months and I know that this intensity will continue on in various forms probably forever.
One idea is that you could skip K altogether and just enter him at grade 1 when he's 6 and begin day care in the meantime? Maybe that doesn't make sense because the kids at day care will be younger. Perhaps a nanny for ages 4,5 and then 1st at age 6?
We are in the decision phase and waiting for test results and that's what we are thinking, of skipping K altogether. But I stay at home, so it's an option for us.

I noted in your OP, Helianthus, that your son exhibits various symptoms of sensory defensiveness, yet the only accommodation you mention that he's being provided is a 20 minute recharge at the end of the day. I know that, as an adult with auditory defensiveness, a day with few opportunities for quiet rest is problematic. Could your son be given an option to withdraw from group activities outside the gifted pull outs at other times of day?

Another consideration is that he may, biologically, not be ready for full days without a nap. As a 4-year-old, I needed a 1-2 hour midday nap and was in half day kindergarten as a result. How does the school day map to his natural circadian rhythm? Is he energized in the morning or sluggish?

Just to throw out another consideration, how much are junior teachers paid where you are? Would it be affordable to hire a teacher to (part-time?) homeschool him for you while you and your spouse work? (Some families share a homeschool teacher, and this can make the option potentially more affordable than private school.) You could effect the grade skip yourselves, and have achievement tests done subsequently to validate your son's achievement for a further skip down the line.

This is exactly what we are experiencing with preschool and I am anticipating with K. He knows what people expect of him and will perform the way they want. But he tells me the teachers think the kids are babies and he idealizes Kindergarten all the time. It's crushing imagining how disappointed he'll be in K.

---The tension between seeking to conform and seeking something to learn was wearing her out, and causing all of her social and emotional problems.----

This quote really resonated with me. I think this is DD, and is also me. I think this is the crux of my dilemna about choosing a K for her. She is advanced in pretty much every area of her pre-K curricula, but is very hard on herself and wants to do things like her peers. Should I choose a public charter montessori K, or a traditional K? Do I choose peers she can easily fit in with, or peers that will challenge her (and perhaps frustrate her)?

Shes 4.5 (She'll be 5 at the end of June). So she's on the young age of the grade as it is and is hard on herself (like I am). She tells me that her mouth and her hands just don't work as fast or as detailed as her brain.