Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School social-emotional struggles for DS7...help!

Our DS7 is in a great school which is accommodating his needs as a highly gifted student. We moved here from another state just under a year ago, so he hasn't known his classmates for very long. One classmate lived in our townhouse complex and DS considered him his "best friend." (I, however, observed him being mean to my son on several occasions, but it kind of went over his head.) Anyway, the neighbor boy moved to Georgia suddenly last week. Obviously DS is pretty bummed and we've talked about it. I set up a playdate with another boy from his class--he is also quiet and shy and they play Lego together. They get along, but apparently this boy has other friends he's known his whole life, so DS isn't really "in" with his group. For the past week DS has eaten lunch alone. He also has anxiety that manifests by chewing, and he's destroyed several shirts. We bought him a shark tooth chew toy necklace and he chewed the end off in one day. :}

So...help! My degree is in education, my husband has a master's in psychology, but when it comes to DS, we don't know how to help him. He started seeing the school counselor just before Christmas, but it's only every other week, and so far he has had to miss gym (his favorite special class) twice. I worry if we increase the school counselor time, that will only isolate him even more from his peers. I do plan to see if they have a lunch group or something at the school.

Should I not be this worried? Will he figure things out on his own? Grade acceleration is one the table, but I'm not sure if that would solve this particular problem.

Thanks in Advance,
Siren

Shirt chewing year (age 5)...we walked to school (pushing younger brother in stroller-letting him do it) while chewing gum (spit out gum before the crossing to school). Stroller was bigger than he was.

Next year, he homeschooled and he chewed gum anytime he felt the need to chew his shirt and the whole day was so flexible that the shirt chewing just kinda faded away.

You can also combine the counseling and physical activity. At this age, play therapy often makes more sense anyway, so perhaps part of the session (or some of the sessions in their entirety) could be a physical activity, like shooting hoops on the playground (games like HORSE can be used for turn-taking), or kicking a ball around. It's also easier to talk when you have something to do, and don't have to maintain total eye contact. If these physical activities involve inviting a peer model/prospective friend, it allows the counselor to work with him on friendship skills in a live setting, which is a whole lot more meaningful and transferable than just talking about how to make friends. I'd start with a dyad, and then maybe work up to very small facilitated friendship groups. Most kids love attending these groups as models.

Thank you so much, great suggestions.
He has been diagnosed in the past with sensory processing disorder, but it was very mild and we haven't pursued treatment. We do have a small trampoline in the house and he is still using the shark tooth necklace to chew on, and we plan to buy another one that should be even more sturdy, and he uses a heavy blanket at night. He also likes strong hugs from us and wrestling (not my favorite, but his dad will go along). Luckily we have gotten snow, finally, so we've taken him out often to sled and play. He often just rolls down the hill.

Our second child DD5 has severe anxiety which causes extreme tantrums (tries to control everything-can't-tantrums). It has disrupted our family for years and taken a lot of my energy. It is finally, finally, managed at this point and things are a lot better. I think because her anxiety was so severe, and she externalizes, maybe I didn't take DS's anxiety seriously since his behavior is generally so good and he internalizes. So, I think he needs to be moved to the front burner now.

I'm seriously considering pulling him out of the school-based counseling and either seeing that same counselor outside of school hours, or having him see the play therapist that worked with my daughter. Hmmm...food for thought. I agree, he loves structure and predictability, in addition to needing the gym time, so the school based counseling is probably doing more harm than good.

Thank you again for the help and advice! It's so scary to feel so out of my depth to help my own child.