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    Joined: Nov 2014
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    This is my first time posting, but I've been reading for years.

    I have a 4th grade boy who has complained for years about how boring school is for him. He is profoundly gifted. He has a lot of natural motivation. Taught himself to read, reads lots of very deep books for fun.

    He begged me not to send him back to school this year. We have a strong GT program, and he is in about 8 hours of GT classes each week.

    But the classes aren't traditional GT classes, they are just accelerated in reading and math. He still complains about these classes being slow.

    In the last month or so I've noticed a change, he is checking out mentally. Both with listening and schoolwork. He does a poor job at best on his schoolwork. Often he will write the correct answer, but won't give a single explanation on how it got it. Well, when you aren't graded on the right answer, but rather the reasoning to that answer it means you fail (even with all correct answers).

    The teachers are starting to complain about behavior.

    Any advice? He is in the highest grade this school offers. Middle School starts in 5th so there isn't a subject to accelerate him into. And, I know the school won't offer a skip. They told me in no uncertain terms -- no way.

    Now, he looks like the worst student in the school with failing grades and a spaced out demeanor. I'm worried about him. His teachers say, "we know how smart he is, but he is just too immature to handle the workload." Meanwhile, he was showing his work last year and the beginning of the year. But now, its like he has given up.

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    Welcome!

    You may wish to read up on advocacy and also underachievement. The Davidson Guidebook to Advocating for Exceptionally Gifted Young People may be helpful to you. The Davidson database has many articles on underachievement, easily found using the search feature.

    Have you researched the school policies online? Is there anything about gifted services? Is the gifted "program" one-size-fits-all, or does the policy allow for customization to the students' readiness and ability?

    You may also wish to begin researching the Middle school he would be slated to attend, and any other options you may have available. Check your state laws and the school policies. Is there anything mentioned about acceleration? Does their process include the Iowa Acceleration Scale (IAS)? You'll also find lots of good information on the website of Institute for Research and Policy on Acceleration (IRPA).

    Is homeschooling a possibility?

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    I'm so sorry. I'm dealing with the same exact thing with my 9 year old son and he too is failing partly for not showing work or not turning in work. Just know you aren't alone!

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    My DS started to show this issue in first grade. We moved him to a self paced environment because he was already checking out (at six years old, it can happen).

    It's a vicious cycle- the more he underachieves, the less the teachers are willing to accelerate, the more he underachieves, etc. etc.

    indigo has some good ideas. I don't have much to add, except to say that we were not successful in advocating for advancement in a traditional school.

    One thing that has helped DS (he's in second) is that his new school offers a lot of depth. For instance, they use Singapore math-- rather than rapid acceleration (DS is working almost two years ahead now), once DS completed the general workbook, they moved him on to extremely rigorous problems using the learned methods. I'm mentioning this because there are some good curriculums/tools that could be used for enrichment-- either at school or at home.

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    +1 to everything mon just said.

    Count your blessings, because there are worse ways for a child to cope with this. My DD continued doing the work, continued keeping well-behaved, and even started conforming to what they thought a child her age should look like, including pretending not to know things she'd been doing for years. But the stress of conforming, and of not having her needs met, resulted in something I can only characterize as psychological trauma: uncontrollable meltdowns over ordinary mistakes (spilt milk... literally!) which escalated in frequency, amplitude, and duration, hitting head against walls, openly expressing a wish to be dead or never born, etc.

    This is not a behavior problem, this is a child coping with a bad situation as best he can. The problem is not him, it's the situation. That's where all of the focus needs to be.

    If the school is not willing to change the situation, then it'll be up to you. In your place, I'd continue to advocate within the school for the short term, and be ready with Plan B: remove him from school and homeschool him for the rest of the year, and begin a dialog with the middle school to see if they have anything suitable to offer him in 5th grade next year.

    When someone tries to play the maturity card, ask them how they would respond in his place. Imagine you were in class, seven hours a day, given the same work he's assigned, subject to the same rules he is, and you had to write out answers explaining why you know 5 x 4 = 20 in full sentences... what would you do?

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    What Dude and MoN said.


    You might look up my very first post on the forum, made when my DD was eleven.

    We made some SERIOUS changes in our approach as parents, and her situation improved once she accepted that we are on her side.

    We are NOT trying to shave bits of her rough edges off to make her fit in with a monolithic and inappropriate set of demands. We were willing to step in and help HER to get what she NEEDED.



    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    Another voice confirm what master_of_none and Dude said. DD reacted similarly to Dude's DD, sweet and quiet in school and completely flipping out at home.

    But no matter how it manifests, you need to step in -- and quick -- in order to help him. We were unsuccessful in advocating and ended up switching schools and then leaving school to homeschool. But no matter how it turns out, don't ever let the school scapegoat your DS and blame this situation on him.

    I know a PG teen who didn't get help and has completely burned out. Funking out of school, belligerent and constantly in trouble, totally shut down.


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    But no matter how it turns out, don't ever let the school scapegoat your DS and blame this situation on him.

    I know a PG teen who didn't get help and has completely burned out. Funking out of school, belligerent and constantly in trouble, totally shut down.
    You may wish to share hope with this family by pointing out resources on the Davidson database such as the article Tips For Parents: Taking Control of Your Child's Education, which may help a teen get un-stuck and moving forward in a positive direction.

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    Welcome, Bea!

    I will chime in with another "it's not your son, it's the environment" post.

    I can understand the "too immature to handle the workload" argument, although I think it is somewhat bogus. There is a certain level of executive function skills necessary to do some higher grade work, that younger kids may not have. But if I had listened to the people who advised me to have DS9 repeat kindergarten because he wasn't mature enough for first grade, he'd still be in kindergarten.

    We wound up taking both our kids out of school. For DS9 (also PG), he became a behavior problem (defiant, disruptive, meltdowns, etc) in 2nd grade that the school was unable to address. DS has still not recovered fully, and I regret keeping him in school for as long as we did.

    DD7 kept her excellent behavior in 1st grade, but her schoolwork started disappearing (she later told us she was dumping it in the trash). At home she would have meltdowns and mostly refused to do homework. Not wanting to make the same mistake twice, we pulled her out soon after starting 2nd grade.

    Your son is doing the best he can given a lousy situation. Imagine having a job that required you to go to all-day meetings at work, with all the powerpoint slides covering topics you already understand, aimed at people less intelligent than you. You have to fill out worksheets and answer questions based on the presentation. You can't check your email or play Angry Birds on your phone. You have to appear to be paying attention, all the time. No matter how good your work is, you have to go back the next day and do slightly re-worded worksheets on the same topics (and do the same at home when the workday is over). Most of your co-workers appear to enjoy, or at least tolerate, these meetings; some are struggling to understand the information presented. And you can't quit, because, well, you're not allowed to.

    Why the heck would you bother expending effort and trying to do a good job, since doing a good job doesn't result in any meaningful change in the situation?

    The previous posters have offered some excellent advice. Your son needs to be in a different environment.

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    Well I guess I would recommend starting with something less drastic than taking him out of school altogether. There is a lot that can be enjoyed about one's final winter and spring as the oldest in the school. Things one had been envious about as a 2nd grader like the 4th grader beach trip in the spring or getting to put on the musical... probably something like that for your DS even if it is a silly thing it is still meaningful.

    If your schedule allows, you could acknowledge to him that it's not going well, and allow him to have this time between Thanksgiving and Xmas breaks as an extended break not so that he can give up on school but in acknowledgement that you can see something is wrong and he surely could use a real break. Let him focus on what he's interested in for a solid month or so. He only misses a few weeks but ends up with a really significant break. No make up work, just tell the school no about that, that he needs a break. What are they really going to do? They don't want to fail him, then he'll just be there being an even worse problem for another year!

    Find a sympathetic educational type psychologist and tell them the whole story and let them know he needs a couple weeks off while you help the school find a solution, afraid he's spiraling into depression or whatever you feel like saying -- and get them to write an absence excusing letter. A outside letter lets the school off the hook as liable for his absence.

    I don't think the goal can be to get the teachers to understand your point of view. Teachers are teachers because they believe that school works, that practice makes perfect, that they can make a difference by making kids do worksheets every day. R=They believe that working hard builds character and that not working hard destroys one's work ethic. Which doesn't mean you don't start with the teachers. Start with the teachers anyways, and say its just not going to work the way things are set up right now. Just go back and forth a bit in a polite way knowing you will get no where. Once you've talked to them politely for about 5 days move up a step.

    Schedule your DS to see the school psychologist/counselor, just once at least. Let them know ahead that he's just not himself etc, that he's a hard worker normally and that you are really worried about him. Let him explain to them he's bored and hates school and all that. Dont' trust the counselor not to minimize his concerns etc, some counselors are put in terrible positions by their schools to just get the kids to conform.

    Try to think about what would work. Tell the principal your fears and tell them what you've brainstormed to have it so your DS can still physically get into the building each day.

    For example you could suggest he bring textbooks on what he's interested in and be excused from the work in class X and Y and get to sit at the back and read his books, as long as he passes the tests. Sure they'll say no initially but honestly they are able to grant that if they wanted to so act like they can. Just ask for what you think would work.

    You could suggest he become a computer lab assistant instead of going to class. I don't know. Dont' hedge, pick things that you think actually would work.

    Yes some of those things do send terrible messages about how one gets off easy if one checks out, how if one stops doing the work it will just magically disappear. The alternative though if forced to continue doing meaningless work, may be worse, that they really do just check out, that mental health suffers, that their trust in you as a parent suffers.

    So the bottom line is do something, because then your DS sees you are listening.

    So becomes a discussion of the least worrisome path. Don't be afraid of taking on the school in some unconventional way, asking for something completely nuts. Just keep stating your fears until they come up with something better.


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