Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Suspected gifted 4 year old...what do I do?

I am at a loss for what to do and am looking for answers. Some days I am at my wits end...My son just turned 4 a couple of weeks ago and I have always suspected he may be gifted from a very early age, well before age 2 even...the problem is along with his giftedness come many behavior issues which mask his true abilities from most people. I have fortunately found a wonderful homeschooling/montessori program for him and his teacher also believes he may be gifted. He just recently figured out how to read while still 3 years old. While he is not proficient at it, he is beginning and did this all on his own. His memory is and always has been astounding. Once he hears something it's like he has an auditory photographic memory. Just today his teacher commented that she brought out a map of the continents which he hadn't seen in over 2 months and he correctly named all of the continents with ease....He gravitates towards music and can recite lyrics quickly and enjoys memorizing songs...He was very verbal early on, speaking clear words by 8 months, saying over 50 words by 15 months and speaking in sentences well before age 2. The issues we are having with him now are that if his mind is not engaged in something that he finds challenging or fascinating, he finds inappropriate outlets to get out his frustrations...he can be physically rough with other kids and excessively loud and disruptive among many other difficult behaviors. At the same time, he can be completely content and focused on his work for hours at a time and be a joy to be around. It is so variable and frustrating! I feel like I parent 2 separate children sometimes....It's like if he even has more than 1 minute of time that he can't figure out something interesting to do, he falls apart...he can play by himself but likes to have something specific to do... Have any other parents dealt with behavior issues? Do these things I am describing sound indeed like he may be gifted? I'm at a loss for what to do!! Sometimes he even acts like he is on the spectrum...which I know that he is not, he just can't socially cope sometimes...He seems to know he is different also and has an advanced sense of self/life in general. His reasoning skills are insane and he is extremely inquisitive about every tiny thing in his world. I feel like I am being interrogated daily...the conversations we have could easily be with a child twice his age. He is very philosophical about life, death, the world in general...but he does feel different than his peers...Upon hearing the Rudolph the red nosed reindeer song he commented "That is not nice of the other reindeer to not want to play with Rudolph just because he is different...I am different too. I will never be the same as everyone else." What are we dealing with here? I go to a new doctor in a couple of weeks and would like to see if we need to get a psychological evaluation or something? What do you recommend? Sometimes he is flat out just out of control...extreme defiance. I fear oppositional defiant disorder as well but hoping this is all part of being gifted...

I am going to add a couple of points also that I forgot to mention...He has always been very quirky, at age 2 he went through several "tics" where he would talk out of the side of his mouth, open his mouth wide at times...those have stopped fortunately. He does still have some sensory issues. He used to not be able to be around loud noises without screaming and covering his ears to cancel out the sound. He went to OT for a while during age 3 and I need to get him back into it. The OT felt that he may have sensory processing disorder but nothing that can't be worked on...He has improved with the sounds, he will not freak out with the vacuum or public toilets flushing or blender anymore and actually enjoys vacuuming the house on his own. He has gone through several obsessions. However, he is never hyperfocused to where he won't want to talk about something else. He just goes through phases of intense interests. He is very inquisitive, asks questions constantly about every aspect of everything he could possibly ask a question about. Some days I feel like I am being interrogated and it is exhausting. But I know it's his thirst for knowledge and having to know the answers. His biggest obsession has been horses for about the past year. He loves everything about horses, reading books and learning about them...he prefers for me to read a horse encyclopedia or information type book to him instead of story books many nights...although he does enjoy stories and has a long attention span to listen to them fully. He has difficulty with transitions, often times still melts down when things don't go as planned...I have suspected Aspergers or something on the spectrum for some time. I had myself worried sick right about the time he turned 2 because I just knew in my heart that something was different about him. He has always been extremely intense...even as an infant, he was always wide eyed and observing everything. He was born this way, instead of crying he came out wide eyed and ready to look at everyone. It was weird! Now that I have a second child I can see just how different he was/is...she is smart too, but not on the same level of intensity.

Welcome!

Yes, what you describe sounds gifted. In addition to learning from other parents in online forums, many parents like the book A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children.

Many parents of gifted children find resources to keep our kiddos mentally occupied outside of school, keeping life in balance.
- There are many helpful resources and articles listed on the Davidson Database.
- Are you familiar with Hoagies Gifted Education Page? Great resources there. Also Hoagies on facebook.
- Gifted Homeschoolers Forum (GHF) is another helpful resource.

Some pediatricians are familiar with gifted, some are not. GHF offers free downloadable brochures, including " Healthcare Providers' Guide to Gifted Children" that you may wish to print and bring with you.

Parents may wish to be aware of possible misdiagnosis, as outlined in this SENG youtube video. There is also a book, Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses. Eides' book on The Mislabeled Child may also be helpful.

For twice-exceptional (2e) wrightslaw provides advocacy guidance.

Professional testing with a neuropsychologist is the best way to determine the unique combination of characteristics of a child's brain, and the possible future implications for educating that child.

On the Hoagies page this link lists Psychologists familiar with the gifted:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm

The WPPSI-IV is an IQ test that can be given to 4 year olds.

We tested our 3 year old and the results were very helpful/actionable.

Thank you so much!!! That is great information, I will definitely look at it all. I like the idea of the brochure for the pediatrician. I have been waiting until he got older to really figure out what is going on with him, but I feel like now that he is 4 we can really get a better idea of what we are dealing with and how to educate him and keep him stimulated at home. It's such a tough road. I feel like every parent thinks their child is smart and "gifted" and use the term so loosely. I've almost been embarrassed to even mention it to others for fear of sounding precocious. But I have always known that he is way above the rest of his classmates. Even at age 2, when the teacher would tell me all of the behavior problems they were dealing with she was in disbelief when I told her all of the things he does/says at home. She really thought he was not intelligent. My family even just thinks we don't discipline enough or that his behavior is a result of our parenting which is highly unfair. Nobody understands what type of child we are dealing with. It's bad, but I really hope I have some answers so I can explain to family and friends that he may have some exceptionalities that make him act the way he does. It doesn't excuse it by any means, just helps explain it and takes the blame off of us! It's so alienating sometimes for both him and us! We've got to figure out something that works...he told me that everything in his room is "too boring for me mom." And I asked him what kinds of things he wants, because I plan on totally re-doing his room so that it is more stimulating for him. He brought out his kids dictionary and said, "I will look in here for some ideas, because this has everything in it". I think maybe a set of kids encyclopedias would be a start? I need some help finding some educational materials to fill the home with. School has a lot, we just need more here...

kdoelit- yes, your son sounds gifted and intense. Many people here can probably relate.

My DS is now nearly eight, and I find that if I need to get things done, I still have to check in with him about his "plan" for the next hour or two. We lived through the mischief, tantrums, intensity, etc., and to a large degree are still living it (minus the random mischief and tantruming as an extreme sport).

Here's something that seems to work with busy, smart boys (and maybe girls, but I don't have any). Engaging the hands and mind together- building materials (free form), art, crafts. Later, music lessons, complex board games, writing stories, a small amount of creative video gaming (e.g. Minecraft), Reading of course-- physically holding a real book and burrowing into it for an hour (I like that too!).

Also, my DS needs a lot of outdoor, unstructured playtime- at that age, the swings at the park were great for meeting sensory needs.

I found a provider on the Hoagies page that is a little over 3 hrs away but am willing to take him there because it sounds like an amazing center that could give us the answers and tools we are looking for...

http://www.success-in-mind.org/index.asp

Thanks for the recommendation! Does insurance usually cover costs for an evaluation like this? We have Tricare standard...

Cammom - Thanks! Yes he is very intense..all..day...long. LOL. Being our first, we always thought this is just how kids are...but now that we have our second, I'm noticing how different he really has been all along!

I agree he has to keep his hands busy, or else he gets into mischief. Glad to know some of that to some degree subsides as they get older, or at least changes. I desperately need to get some materials together and organize our house so that things can flow and he can always have an activity to do. Big issue is making sure he cleans up afterwards because he can trash a room in 5 seconds flat while exploring.

I do think once he becomes a more proficient reader this is going to give him a huge outlet that he is missing desperately and seeking in other ways. He does want to learn an instrument and his current homeschool preschool teacher is going to take him along with her kids (they are ages 10-6) to a weekly group guitar lesson. She "gets" child psychology and I am so fortunate to have her. I really hope learning an instrument will be good for him. What about learning another language? Do any gifted kids find this as a good outlet? Not sure how to give him the proper materials for this but he seems to gravitate towards geography and different cultures so he might teach himself another language even. For some reason he likes me to tell him the Japanese words for different things...

Insurance may tend to cover testing for deficits or learning disabilities, not necessarily for strengths or giftedness.

That's what I was afraid of...maybe if they test for deficits initially or behavioral analysis for things like aspergers/ODD because he does sometimes have those traits too. But if they find that he is indeed gifted in the process, I wonder if that is a way around it? If we have to pay out of pocket we totally will, I'm just totally unsure of how much something like that could cost...

I'm guessing the new doctor could refer to anywhere that we suggest? If we want to go to this group in Duram, NC that understands giftedness I would rather do that than go somewhere that could give him an improper diagnosis or not understand him fully.