Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy "I don't like school."

It's beginning to emerge that the reason DS doesn't like school is the pace of instruction. Simple tedium.

Acceleration is not enough.

I tried this with my DD10. She told me that she couldn't remember feeling anything all day, and "this doesn't seem like a very fun game, Mom."

Last year my 3rd grade DD was in an 8th grade reading comprehension group. At first she was just oh so happy to be there but after a while the enthusiasm started to fade. It took until almost the end of the year to get her to admit that the pace was "painfully slow." This year the school acknowledged "DD will always be out in front of those kids" so instead of attending the higher level class every day she goes twice a week and spends the other 3 days doing more in depth research projects on topics raised in the readings.

Yeah - sometimes acceleration isn't enough. If they recognize his need for acceleration, though, maybe they will be open to some other creative solutions like we worked out for my DD.

Or, it may be enough, but not for long.

My DD9 was skipped into 4th grade last year, and with full GT services, it was a good fit. One year later, we're hearing almost daily: "I don't learn anything in school." Last night, DD asked us to plan a structured after-schooling program, so she can learn something.

I told everyone at DS7's IEP meeting that he says he doesn't like school and no one seemed that concerned. One person said it sounds like a typical boy thing. I said "maybe, but if I pulled him out right now and said 'we're done with this school' he would happily pack up his stuff and never look back." I know the reason why he doesn't like school is because he finds most of the other kids annoying and the work to be a waste of time and not interesting. But it's hard to say that without insulting the teacher. I think DS would be unenthusiastic going just about anywhere unless he could study/do what he wants all day long. So there's probably no school that would make him completely happy, although I think he has a point in that probably 50-75 percent of what he is "learning" is at the wrong level and a waste for him. Right now the special ed teacher (of all people, since they don't work with gifted kids here) is looking into pulling him out for math and having him work at his own pace in her room. He already tested/passed out of second grade math so no one can really put up a big fight about it.

We recently had the pleasure of learning from the principal that DS announced to a group of benefactors to the school that said school couldn't teach him anything. When we quizzed him on it later (because it seemed a strange way for him to say something like that), we discovered a teacher at the table embellished the statement. He had been placed on the spot by the group when they asked what he was learning. He told us he said he only learns about 40% of the time. His "40%" comment rang as the truth. So why would this teacher report to the principal our child said the school can't teach him anything? I suspect this teacher doesn't like our child and wanted to take him down a peg.

Homeschooling is looking better and better.

DH and I have surmised the reason for a deadpan response when this sort of thing is mentioned is because they would actually have to do something about it if it's acknowledged in any way that there's a problem. We're discovering they like to turn the tables and blame the parent or child.


He's going to be happy about that! What a good solution.

We've learned not to talk about DD's happiness or lack thereof, because they really, really don't care... even when you're trying to explain how the bad fit is causing emotional trauma, which is a whole other level of "not happy."

And so it goes round and round...

"Your child is not happy? Our job is to teach children, not to make them happy."

"Okay, well, she's not learning anything. Could you maybe teach her something new?"

"Your DD is making straight As. What are you complaining about?"

AAARRRGGGHHH

Sounds really familiar - wait, they said the same thing at my DS's school too!

I can relate to the straight A's comments. The teachers simply do not see the problem when the grades are stellar. This is when I offer to do the work for them to provide differenciated work in order to show that my child needs to learn to work hard, not just get good grades. (I have only had varying success...)

However, I have had significant success with describing what makes DC happy or not with school work. Especially with lower elementary school teachers, I have found they really respond to problems with a child avoiding going to school, etc.

However, you might approach it another way, such as...
DC was so happy when you sent home such and so super hard word problems and was joyful while continuing the activity even after they got home.

Showing a positive experience with work that you know is at an appropriate level might help the teacher see the light, so to speak.

Good luck! Hang in there! It can be so draining have to advocate all the time.