Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Insight into "Tantrums"

Feel free to elaborate here!

Thanks for all of the sympathy. It's really not a "just mom" thing- although she does save her best performances for me.

Unfortunately, hers is a personality that "turns up" in my family tree. My hope is to direct it into something productive rather than self-destructive.

I've seen it go both ways.

Okay, here goes. I'll try to keep it short.

I start off by describing protected rights. These are things that NOBODY is allowed to take away from them, including us as parents, so there are limits on our power. Parents who consistently fail to protect their children's rights can find themselves losing custody. Responsibilities and rights go hand in hand... in order to protect a right, we have to take certain actions.

Some protected rights:

- Safety
- Health
- Education

You'd be surprised at how much ground you can cover with just these three, but you can always add more, this is just what I came up with off the top of my head, and the most frequently referenced in our home. Once your child understands these concepts, and objects to something you need them to do, you can play the rights card, which makes it easy to convey two important things:

1) Negotiation is futile. I'm not allowed to bend on this, so don't ask.
2) Here's how this rule exists for your benefit.

Responsibilities flow from rights. So, for example, in defense of good health, we parents are responsible for providing an adequate supply and variety of healthy food and drink. for ensuring the home is reasonably clean and germ free, etc. The children have responsibilities as well, such as showering once a day, brushing their teeth twice a day, eating only in designated areas, go to bed on time, etc. Because they all flow from rights, these things are non-negotiable, though we can exhibit flexibility from time to time (yes, you can continue that activity a little longer, and take your shower first thing in the morning).

Privileges, on the other hand, are entirely optional, and this is the space in which we parents act with absolute power. My DW and I rule as a benevolent dictatorship, in which we prefer to shower our child with as many privileges as are reasonable, within our means, and not in conflict with a protected right. DD does not have a protected right to access to toys, electronics, sleepovers/playdates, activities with friends, activities with parents, etc. She has a right to a healthy breakfast, but it doesn't have to be her favorite healthy breakfast on any particular morning. We might choose to make it for her as a special privilege.

And here's the key with privileges: privileges are earned through good behavior, and lost through bad behavior.

I'm laughing because this is EXACTLY what homeschooling my daughter would be like. I have my limits.

That's when it's time to turn on an audio book at our house. The mom equivalent of "I'm not listening la la la" :0)

When you've got your groove, homeschooling can be great. The kid you drop at school in the morning isn't the same kid you homeschool. My older three attended PS most of their school career, and even though I was super PTO /band/ sports booster parent, it was still a different relationship. My relationship with homeschooled dd is not always better, but it's not any worse.

I think your daughter's double is in my writing class... "Is this syllabus covered under fair use? Did you write the schedule? Who are those people? What are they doing out in the yard? I didn't get to play basketball this week. What are we reading next? Why? I already read that"

By the way, Dude, thanks for the overview- very helpful!

Yes, thank you!

You're quite welcome.