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    Joined: Nov 2013
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    apm221 Offline OP
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    I'm hoping to get some feedback on possible acceleration for kids who have social delays. I'm trying to work out options for my 6 year old (it's a very long story). He has difficulty with waiting patiently when he finishes his work. One school had him try out their second grade classroom and said he had no difficulty with the work. It seems like a very nice school, but I'm hesitant to move him to second grade because of his social difficulties. Has anyone else encountered this?

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    There is a boy in DD's fourth grade class who turned 8 shortly after school started this fall (he was accelerated back in kindergarten or first grade), and I think he has had a lot of problems socially according to his mom. He's probably 1.5 years younger than the other kids, on average. He also dislikes school, presumably because of the social issues. I'm not sure if she regrets accelerating him or not. We accelerated DD one grade but she was close to the cut-off and doesn't stick out as being obviously younger. Before she was accelerated she was a leader in her class and older than the other kids, now she seems average in terms of leadership qualities and how she fits in. I never thought of her as being socially immature, but I think if she was it would be difficult. I don't necessarily buy into the theory that gifted kids will fit right in with the older kids and adapt. I think it depends on the kid and it's an important factor to consider, probably just as important as the academic aspect.

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    I think blackcat is right - you can't assume that kids will automatically get along better with older kids. But the flip side to that is that you can't assume that the child who struggles socially after a skip would have been any better off NOT skipped. Many gifted kids just won't find their people until much later in life than primary school, and some of them will cope better with that than others. If they are going to have a rough time socially either way, maybe social fit is not the most important rubric to use?

    My skipped child is not doing brilliantly from a social perspective in her new grade (not terribly either). BUT there is not a adult involved who thinks a) she should not have been skipped b) she would be better off socially if she hadn't been skipped. She's in the best situation we can manage for her in our particular circumstances, and the reality is that "least worst right now" still ain't that great...

    She's at least not curled up in the fetal position, sobbing and begging not to go....

    People often talk about acceleration as if only making a skip was an active choice, as if not skipping was "doing nothing" or was a neutral decision. If you come to a place in your life when you have to consider skipping a child (or retaining them, and I've been there too) I think it's really valuable to realise that BOTH options are active choices, BOTH options have pros and cons and that you will NEVER know for sure how the other choice would have worked out - but chances are, if you were faced with that choice there's a high probability that neither option is ideal....

    We were ecstatic the first year after DD's skip. Academically, socially, on all fronts it was like a magic bullet... That feeling hasn't lasted but I still think we did the right thing. I wish doing it again to get another year like that was a realistic option, but really it's not.

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    It is hard to comment without understanding more about his social delays, the only thing you have mentioned so far is that he has difficulties waiting for others to finish, which sounds perfectly age appropriate for a 6 year old who isn't challenged by his work.
    DS, just turned 8, was very slow at developing age appropriate social skills. He simply couldn't relate to kids his own age and could not play, just talk and build,preferably with grownups or kids much older. Having two more I can tell, in retrospect, that yes, those were social delays. He has mostly outgrown those, and now is quirky and socially awkward but does well being mildly accelerated in third grade (birthday only weeks after the cutoff) - it's not great, but he's okay, and doing much better than he did with his year in preschool and k. He also has a friend in fourth grade in another school which he does great with playing one on one - eccentric but easy going and a girl, all of which helps. His test scores would warrant another acceleration but we are taking it slowly, and have asked only for math acceleration into fourth so far. A full skip into fourth would simply be hard, for many reasons, not just to do with his personality. Gifted track starts in fifth but will involve a major commute into a middle school on the other side of town, and it's tough starting middle school at age eight, if only because of the organizational demands. On the other hand, I if we decide against the full graded skip we have some serious tweaking to do for him to survive fourth grade.
    Like others have said, it is rarely possible to find the perfect placement for very asynchronous kids. There is always some trade off, and sometimes you just have to try things out.

    Last edited by Tigerle; 10/25/14 04:40 AM.
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    apm221 Offline OP
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    I appreciate the feedback. My daughter was accelerated a grade and it has worked very well, but she didn't have the same difficulty. Without going into details about my son, he does have significant social difficulties (he has some good friends, but also gets picked on and has severe pragmatic language delays). Things are complicated by the fact that he was subject accelerated for reading last year but is not being allowed to do that this year due to increasing social difficulty. So he is effectively repeating English language arts, which intensifies the problem of having difficulty being patient and of disliking school. It is very hard to know what is best for him.

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    Originally Posted by master of none
    If he were placed several grades behind, he'd fit in socially. He was developing socially, so we figured that he'd do best at the lowest social level we could find with the highest academic. And this meant keeping him at grade level. ...

    So, what we have now in high school is a kid we would still like to hold back for social/emotional reasons, who has a steep learning curve when it comes to figuring out how to follow directions the teacher gives-- if there's a way to misinterpret, he's found it.

    We have one of those. 2E/ASD, now in 7th grade, young for grade (summer birthday) but placed for grade level as he would be if he were not 2E. Accelerated 3 years in science and 2 years in math, however.

    It is an interesting problem: test scores show "college ready in all subjects" academically, so yes, he is bored in language arts and social studies. But we do not think his organizational skills, or his ability to intuit from teachers what kind of work they actually want, are anywhere near "college ready" or even "high school ready."

    Therefore we chose subject acceleration in the most needed areas rather than whole grade acceleration-- so he is still a 7th grader among 7th grade peers for much of his school day. There are real advantages of learning social skills from age peers who are a bit ahead in that dimension. There are also some advantages in modeling on older students-- seeing what they can do that the age peers can't, and working toward those skills. We have both in our mix.

    We put the math accel into place ASAP (3rd grade)-- and he was immediately a happier person. The science accel took place in middle school-- wasn't enough the first time, so we made it more extreme-- which was the earliest it was practical. The science is not yet challenging, but he is learning things and is satisfied. He has always needed to have something in his day that he really enjoys learning. Before 3rd grade, school was not good.

    I'd say, look at the individual child, imagine what that child needs, and put it into place. You can always tweak later.

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    amp221 we are going through a similar situation right now, so I cannot comment on how it will work out, but DS5 is switching schools next year, and they have offered him a place with a grade skip. DS does have some social and emotional areas that need work, but he seems to socialise well with slightly older kids. The school is aware of both his areas of strength and weakness and they feel that the grade skip is the best option for him. I feel that a grade skip will be advisable for him at some stage, and it seems like doing it at the same time as we change schools will make it run a bit more smoothly that after he has been at the school a few years and settled in with his year group. He was subject accelerated this year for math and reading, and he coped well with that. We know there will be no perfect solution, so we are making a choice and then putting our effort into making it work the best we can. The new schools seems like quite a supportive environment in general, so that helps me feel confident about it.

    You mentioned that your son tried the second grade class and he was fine with the work, did they comment on how he went socially, how he got along with the other students? That made up a big part of the decision process for the school we are moving to. They even considered how tall DS is.

    Maybe you could take a look at the IOWA acceleration scales to help guide you through your decision making process?

    Like MumofThree pointed out, not skipping is also an active decision. That was a bit more clear cut for us since it is happening in the process of a school change in which we were deciding 'where is it best to place him' rather than 'should we move him from where he already is'.

    Good luck with your decision, and remember, you can only make the best decision now based on the information that you have now. There is no right or wrong. Just do what you think is best for your child and do not be hard on yourself if things don't seem to run that smoothly. If you have to tweak and make changes later, remember that those changes are based on new information you receive from new situations that is not available now.

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    It seems pretty age-normal for me for a 6-year-old to have difficulty managing his time when he finishes his work. Does he have other social delays or impulse control issues?

    FWIW, My 2E (ASD/ADHD) PG DD is in the age-normal grade. When teachers didn't take this into account, we had lots of behavior problems. She's now working a couple grades up in math and the latest reporting on reading comprehension put her instructional level in high school, so it's all quite easy for her.

    So, academically she could move up a couple grades. But I think since she's 2E, over the long run it'll be beneficial for her to have more time, not less, to develop organizational and communications skills, self-control, and self-motivating skills essential for success as an independent adult after high school.

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    What about a move to a different school, but still at the age appropriate grade? We changed DS (socially delayed too) from a "high" performing public school (meaning best rated for the immediate area and with some bright kids) in a rural and overall low or mixed socioeconomic area, to a extremely highly rated school in a high socioeconomic area, still within a possible driving distance to jobs, and there is really a shocking difference. It's wholly a different experience, and both public schools within the same state, and I think well worth the lifestyle cut for us. A reasonably happy DS is a huge weight off our shoulders.

    My take on it is first you find a school that really will work with you and looks good overall, who seems very interested in your individual child, where the teachers all seem nice and accommodating, and then only second decide if a skip is needed in that particular school. If it is a private school then it needs to pass a higher bar I think ahead of time, because their incentive is to sign you up and not necessarily to provide years of minute to minute accommodations.

    So how is this school other than the offer of a skip? How is your current one? Can you observe in the classrooms of both of the possible grades in the new school? What do you see kids doing? Do they talk to the adults or are they silent? Do they speak to eachother during class? Do they look happy when they are done a worksheet or what do they do then? What do the teachers/principal suggest about helping him socially? Do they mention other kids with similar issues of both Es? When you observe do you see kids doing widely disparate things in the classroom, is there going to be differentiation beyond a skip (because a skip likely only helps for a year, maybe two or three, the pace is usually the problem). When you observe are the rest of the kids bright seeming? Is there a great teacher student ratio? Etc.


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    Originally Posted by blackcat
    I don't necessarily buy into the theory that gifted kids will fit right in with the older kids and adapt.

    This is very true from my vantage point. This is where personality plays a HUGE part. In fact, I've observed kids that aren't as talented academically have more successful skips because of the personality factor.

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