Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Unbelievable - teacher won't meet with parents

As an in between example, I use the MON approach, backed by an educational advocate. I work to build a relationship with the principal and teachers, talk about the weather with them, chit chat about their kids, and show myself as being a positive member of the school community. But when I've got things I don't think I can bring to the principal directly, I have her do it. My approach is slow, but it works for my family and in our school system.

As Pemberley points out, different approaches work for different people. Each school has its own culture. MON and Pemberley lay out two approaches that have been effective for them and their school systems. It really does help to understand how things function in your school building. Do you have anyone you can talk to? My first understanding of how to work with the school - what works, what doesn't, who will view my comments positively, who wouldn't - came from the mother of a child with significant disabilities. She approached me, knowing we were in need of help, but since then I've been more and more comfortable approaching other parents to pick their brains about what works and what does not. It doesn't need to be a parent dealing with the same constellation of abilities/disabilities, just a parent who speaks ETR/RTI/504/IEP jargon fluently and is on a first-name basis with intervention staff.

Well, what you do really depends on the district and school culture, the dynamics among the school personnel, the teacher's reputation, and the objective immediacy (to the school) of your DD' problems. I lean toward MON's approach as that has worked for us but that may partly have been due to the fact that the school likely had the perception that we have the resources to easily take legal action. What has helped tremendously for us was the gathering of creditable allies within the school from the very beginning. This would include school psychologist, school counselor, assistant principals, principals and former teachers who share your view of your DD and have provided past accommodations.

Your recourse (or lack of) will depend on the perceived reasonableness of your teacher's position within that school culture. Are we talking about November as in a week and a half or November as in four weeks? Is your daughter performing poorly or behaving problematically in school? In DS11/DD11's 4th grade two years ago, the parents of A and B students were told that they were not to sign up for one of the end of first quarter parent/teacher conference slots. The idea was that the other students/parents needed the teacher's attention more urgently and the A/B students/parents would have to wait until after first quarter conferences. In your situation, you don't yet have the 504 so the principal may back your teacher's delay in meeting you again unless you can demonstrate the need for an immediate meeting. Perhaps you can forward specific enrichment demands by email to the teacher? When she fails to implement them, then have your DD's psychologist send a letter to the principal stating the teacher's actions are damaging your DD so that it is necessary that the teacher immediately schedules a long meeting with you?

Ok then. You may think this is overkill, but I took everyone's posts, put them in a Word Doc, highlighted the advice in green, and sent it on the DH. This way he can scan quickly (he gets spoon fed all the giftedness info when he gets home at night!!). I am hyper-organized about this kind of info. I have printed out emails and/or made files to keep track of all the correspondence going back and forth from our house to the school because I will forget who said what and when. In my business, if it didn't get documented, it didn't happen.
-DH emailed the teacher last night. I didn't know until this morning. He used his psych. words (he is in the mental health field) that are so good and let her know that I would be bringing that letter to the principal today.
-I emailed the principal asking for a quick meeting just to show her psychologist's letter and to let her know that I truly appreciate her help/really don't want to be such a bother/it's not easy as parents but we feel that we must move forward/how can we work together....
-I sent a second email to the principal asking for the 2nd 504 meeting to be set up soon. Indicated that the psych. will be there to discuss DD's "dual identification". Psych. has asked for the school AIG teacher to be there along with a whole host of others. It will be a crowded meeting. Director of gifted after school classes will be sending a letter concerning DD. He's a Duke professor so that hopefully will be of help as well.

Whew! That's all so far. I will keep all of you wonderful people updated as things progress. I think we all need a big party somewhere to support each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so many great suggestions.

Good luck, greenlotus! Love your party idea

I made the initial mistake of believing that meetings with the school consisted of many educated adults, all with different perspectives and experience, united with a common goal: how to best serve my DD's educational needs. I therefore came in with an open mind to what they might propose, based on what they may have learned and seen from similar cases, and ready to educate them on our DD's specific needs and quirks, and how their proposals would affect her, which they would be very interested to learn.

Yeah, I was so young and dumb.

In this case, I would forward the teacher's response to the assistant principal, make sure the psych's letter is attached, and politely explain how a 15-minute meeting weeks away is inadequate for the situation at hand, and ask the AP what can be done to facilitate a meeting ASAP, so we can get a 504 in place for my DD, with interventions required urgently per psych evaluation (see attached), and as required by federal law.

Yeah, I'm that parent now, though I would describe my style as more of a crowbar than a hammer, as I use every single bit of leverage I can find, and keep on working the cracks until I can force the doors open. Interesting side effect, it seems the school gave DD an unusual opportunity this year, unasked, just to avoid having to deal with me.

Do you really *need* to meet with the teacher? You have private professional's report outlining the accommodations/etc your dd needs in the classroom. Make the written request for a 504 meeting, give the school a deadline to respond, have the meeting, get as much as you can put into the 504.

In the meantime, start communicating with the teacher via email if it's difficult to meet to talk in person or if she's not responding to request for meetings. As a first step, I'd probably just stop in at pick-up after school and talk to her, but if that is't going to work, go straight for email. Make your requests specific and in direct relation to something that is or isn't happening in the classroom - for example, will dd be allowed to type her creative writing assignments, or can ds be seated at the front of the room etc (whatever accommodations are relevant to your dd's situation and recommended by the psych she saw). When you make a request for something like these types of accommodations through email, state a simple example of what's going on with your dd in the classroom (or during homework sessions) that illustrates why she needs the accommodation. If you want to you can mention that it's been recommended by her psych (if it has). This isn't just a means of attempting to communicate with a teacher who isn't interested - each of these emails is going to be a record for you - a record that shows your dd needs accommodations - so even if the teacher does nothing, you've captured data that you can use when advocating.

Another thing you can do is to think through things your dd can do herself that aren't outright accommodations, and you can talk a lot to your dd to brainstorm what she thinks might work for her. I understand that your dd is frustrated over school and you're frustrated over it all, but it's still there and together you might be able to come up with some ideas that the psych hadn't thought of that actually are worth attempting.

Hang in there!

polarbear

eta - I replied before I'd read your follow-up post - it sounds like you are well on your way! Good luck with your meeting - let us know how it goes!