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    Joined: Feb 2014
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    I had sensed that DD9's teacher was not the warm caring kind of teacher we have had the last 2 years. DH and I met with her a couple of weeks ago to explain that DD had been diagnosed with ADHD, and we wanted to support the teacher as she worked with DD. The teacher did not appear to be concerned when we stated that DD was not happy at school. This is the teacher who stated that DD just need a therapist. Yesterday afternoon at the preliminary meeting for a 504 accommodation for DD's ADHD (inattentive type)the teacher stated that she would have our daughter nicely fixed up and organized soon. I stated that DD would need both the school, our private psychologist and us parents to really help her to gain the tools for better executive functioning. I added that in the clinic I worked last year I saw students who still needed assistance in middle school and beyond for their ADHD. It doesn't go away. I think she looked a bit peeved by that. Darn. I didn't mean to do that. The principal asked for specific details about accommodations for DD from our psychologist and even suggested that the psych. use specific phrases in her report so we would be sure to get the 504. She was very helpful. When I turned to the teacher to ask her if we could have another meeting with her she said that she would be glad to see us next month at the parent/teacher conferences. I asked if I could see her earlier. Our psych. has recommended that we work with this teacher to provide "more enrichment, more challenge" to DD until, fingers crossed, the school agrees to accelerate her. I even jokingly agreed to buy her dinner and stated that as my mom is a teacher I know just how busy they are!! She said to email her some dates.
    Alright. Today. I'm trying to be calm. The psychologist created this fantastic letter for the teacher and explained with all the correct terminology that DD needs accommodations now, and my husband and I would be willing to purchase online classes, volunteer in class, provide materials, you name it for DD and any other child who could use them. It was a powerful letter. She even used the school's test scores (and other testing) to prove her point. I was to give it to the teacher so that this teacher and I could work together to help DD. I just received an email from this teacher that she is too busy to meet with us, and we will just have to wait until November's parent/teacher conference to meet with her. We get 15 minutes.
    I am dumbfounded. Appalled. I have never ever had such a teacher at this school. I have had the best relationships with the past 2 teachers. They knew that DD needed extra, even if they didn't always have lots of time to provide a little extra. I am just sick. I don't even want to send DD to school tomorrow. I am waiting for DH to get home so I can get some support. Poor guy. I will be waiting for him at the front door.

    What does one do when a teacher won't even meet with the parent?

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    Oh greenlotus, I can feel your frustration from here, and just wanted to let you know that someone heard you!

    Now, here I am going to speak as someone who hasn't had the nerve to do what I am suggesting - but I think you really have most of what you need: clear instructions from the psych, and general agreement from the principal that those instructions would be followed. Perhaps if the teacher is not available to meet, you can cheerfully assume that it is because she is happy to move forward and doesn't need to again discuss the specifics in the short term?

    It sounds like you are personally prepared to drive (feed them) many of the accommodations anyways, so could you just do it? Act like she's totally on board and aligned with everyone else. E-mail the teacher (daily if need be), copied to the principal, saying essentially, "as we discussed and has been elaborated in letter from psych, today we are sending DD in with the following alternative materials to work on. She has been signed up for course x, and we will work with the school admin to ensure that within 24 hours she has on-line access during class time. We are happy to come in on the following dates to work with the whole class on z. We are really looking forward to talking with you at the Nov meet-the-teacher about the effectiveness of these approaches, and what additional steps we can take to ensure DD's educational success this year."

    OK, I admit, I speak with no experience. It's just what I wish I'd do under the circumstances, and hope I'll do if we get to a similar place. Hang in there! It will get better. The principal is on board, the 504 is coming, and you are obviously fully equipped to make it happen, with or without the teacher. You're doing great!

    Joined: May 2013
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    My thought on 504s is that they are almost useless unless the teacher is on board and agrees with it and willing to follow it. So many of the modifications/accommodations you have to trust the teacher to do, and there is no way to verify or prove that it is being followed or not followed. I have had teachers disregard specific things even in DS's IEP, like making him use his slant board. That being said, it's helpful if there is an obvious violation, like the 504 says no timed tests and you can prove that she was given a timed test and it somehow counted against her (in terms of placement or getting a worse grade for example).

    If she won't meet with you I would just show up in her classroom after school one day and tell her you have some questions. If she says she doesn't have time, ask her to call you and tell her that she can choose a time that works for her. If she refuses, I would report her to the principal. Teachers can't just refuse to talk to parents.

    This teacher sounds like a piece of work and like she just doesn't buy into the ADHD or giftedness or want to work with you. Is there any way you can request a teacher change? We had a teacher like this last year who was very passive aggressive and I ended up pulling out DS in the middle of the school year and transferring to a different district school. I know you have been looking around at other schools so I'm guessing your options are very limited.

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    I'm a little passive aggressive so If it were me I'd be sending a well worded email about understanding her time pressures etc but that you still need to discuss DD with somebody so, can she recommend one of her seniors for you to contact, otherwise offer to save her the trouble and call around yourself.

    I'd give her a week and call the principal. Like I say passive aggressive, but she can't argue with you wanting to save her time.

    Joined: Nov 2013
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    I can really feel your frustration and empathise totally. I would have been just like you, hanging by the front door for DH so I could download. I might not have waited and fired him off an email, he is hard to reach by phone. Actually writing down your thoughts can be really useful.

    Asking why do we all think this teacher's response is so inappropriate, is a good way to start organising your thoughts

    You clearly have a child with needs that need to be addressed in an urgent way and the teacher is essentially stonewalling you. That says so many things which could include I am not interested, I am too lazy, I don't understand, I don't agree. None of those possibilities is conducive to a good working relationship which you need to best progress your daughter's education.

    This can't wait weeks and it can't be appropriately addressed in a a 15 minute meeting.

    There definitely needs to be immediate further communication. The principal sounded on board. The options I would pursue include:

    A return email to the teaching firmly stating that this can not wait nor be best addressed in a 15 minute meeting.

    Including an outline of steps that need to begun to address your daughter's needs immediately and which you must discuss in person to ensure they are fully understood and how best to integrate those measures at both school and home.

    Copying in the principal or forwarding the exchange to the principal and asking for their advice as to how you can more forward with meeting your daughter's needs if the teacher is unwilling to meet when needed.

    I certainly would not wait, apart from the fact that your daughter needs intervention ASAP, schools move slowly and you don't want the momentum to be lost. Before you know it the date for the parent teacher conference will arrive and 15 mins is all you will get.

    While I quite like MichelleC's approach, nothing will happen with this teacher unless she buys into her role in the process. The principal will hopefully be of assistance there. If you can't get that then you need to consider all your options.



    Last edited by ndw; 10/21/14 10:26 PM.
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    I also agree on acting ASAP. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt for way too long, when I should have just gone straight to the principal and started there, and kept going back to them instead of trying to discuss issues with the levels in between when I started to feel them push back/switch off during discussions. It was the established "process" at the school to talk first to the teacher, then the HOD, then the vice-principal, and only then the principal (the last two only if discussions weren't "working" with other staff members), but it got me nowhere - for the last 2 weeks DS was at the school the teacher simply ignored us completely, then the communication sheet "disappeared" from his file, so we had no proof we'd even tried to communicate with her (we weren't allowed to call them directly or email them, you had to use the coms sheet or call the office to request a meeting).

    I also agree that if the teacher is either inexperienced in this area, or someone who doesn't "buy into" giftedness/adhd, then you probably also aren't going to get far with her. Is there anyone at the school like a counselor who could mediate between you and try find out what the issue is? If she really isn't willing to do even that, then I'd request a teacher change from the principal.

    All the best! I am glad you have such great support from the psych though!


    “...million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.”
    -Terry Pratchett
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    I could be wrong and I hope I'm wrong but I don't see how you can change this teacher's heart and mind overnight. Maybe you could get the admin to force her to implement some changes but your DD isn't going to have the support she needs.

    I'd request a teacher change and if that goes nowhere, I'd look into another school or homeschooling.


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    Unfortunately I have tried MON's approach with no success, although I am glad it has worked for their situation. The difficulty we had is that a more passive approach was generally ignored or walked over by teachers like this one. It also cost a lot of time.

    I think you have tried pleasant and co-operative in your communications with this teacher. Direct and assertive, while remaining calm (and still pleasant) would be my tack, with early engagement of the principal. It was our only way through delaying tactics.

    I also agree that you may well need a different teacher as one of your early options because it is very hard to get help from someone who does not want to be helpful.

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    Greenlotus the good news is you are not the only one on this board that has dealt with this. The bad news is also that you are not the only one on this board that has dealt with this. {hugs}

    Over the years MON and I have had a sort of Yin and Yang approach to addressing these issues. She kills them with kindness. She is over the top sweet until they realize how clueless their behavior is. I, on the other hand, tend to use their cluelessness as a weapon to club them into submission. Whatever works for you and your child is fine.

    The really good news is that your principal seems to be on board. I would use that to your advantage and go immediately to him/her. I mean immediately. I would forward that email exchange to the principal and request an *immediate* meeting. I mean as in you can be available this afternoon. If principal can't meet you today it could potentially wait until tomorrow but stress the need for immediacy. I mean N-O-W.

    I guarantee the principal will have a discussion with this teacher about the importance of finding time to meet with you. If your psych says "NOW" then the principal will need to take that seriously and do whatever it takes to get the teacher to understand.

    Unfortunately our totally clueless 2nd grade teacher never got it and we had an absolutely horrible principal. The staff at central office ended up spending countless hours cleaning up messes that were created. Yes I was a total pain in the neck but my approach worked. I presented information or requests. If the person didn't get it I went up the food chain. And up the food chain. And up the food chain. I had documentation and gained some important allies along the way. In doing this I may have esstablished a reputation for being "that parent" but I also established one for being serious, committed and on top of things. I earned credibility. Everyone knows that if I raise a question or concern it is legitimate and they check it out.

    So MON's approach has proven very effective for her within her school environment. In our environment (and with my personality) playing nice fell flat. Choose the approach, or combination of approaches, that feels the most comfortable to you.

    Good luck and be sure to keep us posted.

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    You have received a lot of great responses. In addition, I would suggest speeding up the 504 process. Once the document is completed, the teacher HAS to do what is in it, or the school will be in violation of the law. I'm sure the teacher is busy, but she will have to make time for the accommodations or face repercussions if she doesn't once the 504 is in place.

    Of course, as the teacher is on the 504 team, you may face issues as to what you can actually get approved as she might not support your psychologist's recommendations. If you can, I highly recommend taking the psychologist to the 504 meeting. Also, is there a school psychologist? Ours was very helpful during the 504 process (which was for reasons other than ADHD)

    We also ran into issues trying to set up meetings with the teacher when the Parent-teacher conference was a month or so away. One time I was able to get the meeting, and the other (different year) I was not. If she really won't meet with you before then, I suggest telling her nicely that you will need more than 15 minutes, and ask her when she would like to do it. Or you could call her (leave a voice mail, and then follow up with an email.) If you don't get a reply, then move on the principal or the 504 coordinator.

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