Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 196 guests, and 25 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    streble, DeliciousPizza, prominentdigitiz, parentologyco, Smartlady60
    11,413 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    B
    Bean Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    B
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    We are still throwing tantrums here. The day dreaming is well in hand. We've been averaging 2-3 fits a week over stupid stuff.

    Two questions. First, at what point do I consider seeing a Pysc? Our previous visit involved travel, so we'd need someone close to home. I don't have any interest in having her tested again until after we do the Explore to see if it's worth the money and time (probably in February).

    Second, what do you do with a HG/PG kiddo when home school is not working? Unschooling is not an option with this kid. B and M school would be a joke.

    Where we are at the moment: She has a program she's enrolled in once a week right now she loves- hands on math and science with kids a year or so older: Starbase. She gets to be the "Pilot" for her table tomorrow.

    We've told her how important it is she manage her temper this week so she can go. She's proceeded to throw tantrums, slam fists, scribble pages... I took away attending the program on Monday and told her, "Hey, have an awesome Tuesday and Wednesday, and you can earn it back."

    Yesterday was good... Today was a nuclear blow up over a multi-digit multiplication problem. It was review, and really long. I actually lost my place showing her how to do it, so I do understand her frustration.

    I'm always afraid I'm inciting her (my own mother was a pro- if she said, "if you do x than you cannot do y", I knew she'd make sure I would blow up and lose y, every single time.) It was not a skill that served me well going into adulthood.

    Managing one's temper is a non-negotiable.

    I think I'm making things worse instead of better. She seems to get angry whenever she needs to do anything she deems time-consuming or hard.

    We don't have much for schooling options for her. If she was enrolled, she'd be working 2 full grade levels ahead. There are no options within an hour+ that would accommodate. I'd like to switch to something online, but online public school is not really an option either (it's pretty bad in our state), and the reviews on K12.com and Time4Learning are pretty dismal.

    EPGY until she takes the Explore? I don't want to move her test date up because she likely to play connect the dots if she goes into it with her current attitude. I'm not sure if I'll know more after the Explore, anyhow.

    Thanks-

    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    I note that only 2.5 weeks have passed since you first began discussing this. In that time, you've apparently solved one problem (daydreaming), and tantrums have evolved from "every day" to "2-3 per week." That sounds like positive progress.

    Behavior modification is a process that requires consistency, patience, and time. It sounds like you're doing well with the first thing, running short on the second, and haven't had much of the last thing yet.

    I'd recommend a few minor modifications to your approach, based on the little shared here:

    - Clearer definition of behavioral goals that can restore access to lost privileges. Rather than, "have an awesome" Tuesday and Wednesday, say, "no tantrums." Because "awesome" is pretty ambiguous.

    - I'd find something else to use as a revocable privilege. On one hand, the thing you're using is an educational opportunity... according to my Rights, Responsibilities, and Privileges speech I give to DD, education is a right, and cannot be revoked. So, unless I saw my DD throwing tantrums in that class environment, such that she was interfering with her own education and with that of others, the class would be off limits for me. On the other hand, a once-weekly event is pretty remote, and you want the child to experience negative consequences much sooner. It's better to find something the child enjoys access to every day.

    Otherwise, it sounds like you're on the right track, and you should take a moment to appreciate that things are getting better in a relatively short time.

    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    B
    Bean Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    B
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    Thanks,
    "- Clearer definition of behavioral goals that can restore access to lost privileges. Rather than, "have an awesome" Tuesday and Wednesday, say, "no tantrums." Because "awesome" is pretty ambiguous."

    Good point. We were more clear. In the interest of brevity, I emphasized the tone, rather than the exact wording (i.e., it was positive rather than threatening.)

    As a serious "caboose" child, (by nearly 10 years), dd does seem to get the smaller dose of my patience and time. Pointing that out is warranted.

    Now, to find something non-educational to revoke is a problem. She's not motivated by many material things. I'll need to ponder.

    Thanks,
    Bean

    Joined: Feb 2012
    Posts: 1,390
    E
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    E
    Joined: Feb 2012
    Posts: 1,390
    Originally Posted by Bean
    Now, to find something non-educational to revoke is a problem. She's not motivated by many material things. I'll need to ponder.


    Removing the privilege to read for pleasure until after I had completed my responsibilities was the magic ticket for me as a child, FWIW. (My showdown was over cleaning my room.)

    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 2,856
    Our DD9 has a ritual cup of strawberry milk every night shortly before bed, and she gets really, really upset if she misses it, so that's an easy, daily go-to for us. She recently revived bedtime stories, and I canceled that once last weekend due to behavior issues. We also use early bedtimes, because getting adequate sleep is a health and an educational issue, which are protected rights, but staying up 'til the latest reasonable bedtime is a privilege, and can be revoked.

    I'm not sure how we ended up with so many of her go-to punishments revolving around bedtime... it wasn't intentional. It certainly is convenient, though, because we can make sure any intolerable behaviors at any point of the day are met with consequences the same day.

    We're pretty flexible and creative with punishments, though, so if something is on hand that's more immediate, we use that. So if DD doesn't want to clean her room, and she has a friend heading over shortly, no problem, play date is cancelled.

    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    B
    Bean Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    B
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    Hmm... I think early bedtime will be the way to go. She's never in her life gone to bed before 9-9:30. That would rock her world. She never napped either, but that's for another post.

    It would be hard to even take away reading for pleasure or really anything else- as an immediate punishment. The kid could entertain herself with dryer lint if need be.

    I guess I should also say we have been trying to address this earnestly for several months. We had never really connsidered it a gifted issue. Since I posted here afew weeks ago, we have made progess. The feedback has been immensly valuable.

    Joined: Aug 2010
    Posts: 3,428
    U
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    U
    Joined: Aug 2010
    Posts: 3,428
    Can you hire a tutor, even just a few hours a week? I could never homeschool my oldest (10), who still has blow-ups similar to what you describe over homework at times. She and I are not a good combination when it comes to instruction. She and dad are a little better, but not much. She does not have these issues with other adults, or only very minorly so. What about your daughter? Any blow-ups at her class, for insance? I understand your concerns about B&M school, but it sounds like another person to instruct might help.

    I am NOT blaming you at all. I absolutely KNOW the kind of thing you are going through. It is why I jokingly say that if we homeschooled only one of us would get out alive.

    Joined: Jun 2014
    Posts: 226
    C
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    C
    Joined: Jun 2014
    Posts: 226
    I know what you mean Ultramarina! My kids almost always do better being taught by other people. Instruction from their parents just gets their backs up and quickly spirals into uselessness.

    Also, if I homeschooled my DS we'd spend the day with him questioning every word I say ("Why do I need to study math? What is this 'math'? What is 'is'?" etcetera), or picking apart my grammar as I instruct him. LOL

    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    B
    Bean Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    B
    Joined: Oct 2011
    Posts: 69
    I am sort of the local person who tutors :o) We are in a fairly rural area, so most activities, lessons, etc, require a long car trip.

    She blew up yesterday at breakfast in front of her dad, which he hasn't seen at this level before, saw how I handled it and backed me up 100% (thanks DH!).

    Along with the consistency Dude mentioned, a different day planner page (check list rather than time) and some positive reinforcement we gave her after a very long day of car shopping on Saturday, we are off to a good start this a.m.

    Her piano teacher also upped the expectations for her at the end of last week, which I think has changed her view of herself, although watching her face during her lesson was pretty funny (to me.)

    Today, so far, so good.

    Joined: Feb 2014
    Posts: 337
    I
    Ivy Offline
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    I
    Joined: Feb 2014
    Posts: 337
    Originally Posted by Dude
    ...according to my Rights, Responsibilities, and Privileges speech I give to DD...


    Don't mean to derail, but Dude would you elaborate on this topics (either in another thread, a PM, or by pointing me to a thread where this was discussed)?

    We are working on making things run smoother in our household and this really resonated with me at first glance. I would appreciate knowing more about your speech, your thinking on this topic, the lists of items in each bucket, etc. Thanks in advance.

    And to make this relevant to the OP, Bean, I sympathize. DD is always better getting taught by other people than by DH or I. She seems to save all her worst behaviors for us.

    Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

    Moderated by  M-Moderator, Mark D. 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    New, and you'd think I'd have a clue...
    by astronomama - 03/24/24 06:01 AM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    Son 2e, wide discrepancy between CogAT-Terranova
    by astronomama - 03/23/24 07:21 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5