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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 66
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 66 |
I'm am wondering how you help your child "fit in" with other children his/her age?
My DS is in 1st grade and always plays alone at recess and doesn't seem to be making many friends. He has expressed over the summer that he prefers talking to older kids. His school has recess and lunch at by grade level so older kids aren't an option. I think part of his problem fitting in is that his interests aren't quite the same - for example, when I asked him what he did at recess this week, he said he was experimenting with gravity. I don't want him to grow up feeling that he has to hide his interests but I don't see most 1st graders wanting to do gravity experiments at recess. He can be very social and engaging with adults so it's not that he's not social, he just doesn't seem to be able to find common ground with his peers.
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,245 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,245 Likes: 1 |
Welcome!
Does your child participate in an extracurricular activity, such as a sport, hobby group, library program, scouts, or youth group? These may provide an opportunity to be with other kids who have similar interests, sparking conversations which may carry over to school.
Have you tried setting up a playdate with one or two classmates? This may provide an opportunity to get to know children a bit more, again with the hope that common interests may create a foundation which provides opportunities to socialize or join in a game at recess.
While fewer schools may now have their playground supervisors engage the children in large group games at recess, you may wish to check whether there is interest in this at your child's school. Some examples of large group playground games are:
- Mother, may I?" (also called "Captain, may I?").
- Simon Says
- Red light! Green light!
- Jumprope games
At schools with swingsets, monkey bars, or other climbing structures, these have often been great areas to perch and enjoy a group conversation at recess.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,390
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,390 |
Seconding the Unwritten Rules - really good, practical advice.
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 111
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 111 |
While fewer schools may now have their playground supervisors engage the children in large group games at recess, you may wish to check whether there is interest in this at your child's school. Some examples of large group playground games are:
- Mother, may I?" (also called "Captain, may I?").
- Simon Says
- Red light! Green light!
- Jumprope games If you do go this route, please know that many schools discourage playground supervisors from engaging in games with the kids. The idea being that the supervisor should be scanning the playground, which can't be done effectively if he/she is occupied in conversations/games.
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 279
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 279 |
Can you ask the teacher if s/he notices another child in the class who might make a good friend for your child? Then ask that child over for a play date. Many teachers recommend one on one play dates for kids struggling to make friends at school (at that age). That way a parent can help the kids find common interests, whether it be movies, running around, legos, science experiements, etc.
Sure, it might not be a life-long friendship, but it is also worth trying.
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,856
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,856 |
The best thing we did to help our DD fit in with kids her own age at school is to accelerate her a year, so she's not with kids her own age anymore.
DD does have neighborhood friends her own age (her bestie is actually several months younger), and we've taught our DD to look for common interests in whoever she's with. Her interests are wide enough that there always has to be something.
In your DS' case, I would encourage him to save the experimentation for home, and go get some exercise during recess, whether that's ball sports, tag, monkey bars, whatever. I'd emphasize that it's helpful to get out "the wiggles" and focus on school. But I'd also point out that it's what most of the other kids are doing, and if he joins in with a game, that'll help him gain friends.
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,478
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,478 |
What I missed in your post is what your son is feeling about it at school? Does he express loneliness? Does he wish other kids would play with him? Or perhaps he just wishes other kids shared his interest?
Is it safe to assume (posting here) that your son is gifted or highly gifted? If that answer is yes, then the next question is: are kids his age at school actually his peers other than by coincident of birth?
If he isn't lonely or concerned, then I wouldn't put that external burden on him. Friendly doesn't always mean extraverted, and introverts may very well need alone time at recess with their thoughts after a morning of being surrounded by other kids. If it is his concern and not a borrowed one and he is placed appropriately in school, then the above suggestions make sense.
If friendship in general is an issue, then I'd look for groups outside of school with mixed age kids that share his interests.
My DS8 through kindergarten and first primarily sought older kids and adults for conversation. With a grade skip into a gifted class he now gets some of his intellectual conversation out in that context, and, oddly, his best friend is a kid from his prior grade who has some overlapping interests with him. It's almost as if his first priority is getting his type of mental stimulation; sort of a "Maslow's Hierarchy of Gifted Kids Needs."
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 639
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 639 |
I would encourage him to save the experimentation for home, and go get some exercise during recess, whether that's ball sports, tag, monkey bars, whatever. I'd emphasize that it's helpful to get out "the wiggles" and focus on school. But I'd also point out that it's what most of the other kids are doing, and if he joins in with a game, that'll help him gain friends. Exactly! In my DS's case, he came to this conclusion by himself - that it is easier to gain friends by playing the games that they play and by immersing himself in talk involving Superheroes  He plays with balls during recess, digs in the tan bark (to hide tennis balls from the other grade kids!) and plays tag/redlight-greenlight/Follow the leader/jump rope etc and has a gang of friends with whom he deeply discusses recess game strategies and rules during daily lunch break. He uses recess for physical play and as break time. He has peers to engage him in discussion of deep thoughts in other settings that are not related to school recess. So, encourage your child to establish interaction with other kids during recess, join in their play and use the recess time as a time to run around, kick a ball and have a relaxing break (which is what recess is all about).
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