Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Dealing with the Guestions difficult to answer?

I have a chicken and egg delimma with responding here. I don't know whether DS8 is a substantially different kid, or if my style has had an impact. But there are rarely free answers in our house unless it is purely an expedient thing. DS doesn't ask a lot of factual questions, and knows to take a first stab at something. This has its downsides as he doesn't want to be told things unless he's fresh to a topic (or it's spelling.)

So, in the long run, I ask more questions than he does. He gives me answers to things he's wondered, and he gets praise in measure to the effort he put into it and has pride in it.

I am honest about it and say when I don't know. I then have my DD sit with me while we research information concerning the question in books/online and we draw conclusion from what we find together.

No one knows everything I think that guiding her through the process to find things out for herself is way more important that giving her an answer.

She needs to understand that adults aren't the source of all knowledge and that ultimately she needs to draw her own conclusions about whatever she sees, reads about or hears. As far as I am concerned education is about giving someone the tools and showing them how to use them- not regurgitating the dogma du jour.

The old hand someone a fish or teach them how to fish...

My DS4 is big-time into asking me questions he already knows some or all of the answer to. When he asks me that sort of question I respond with, "Well, what do you think?" and usually he will tell me whatever's been spinning in his head.

I hope you have a productive meeting with the school, but if they don't have some good ideas about why his IQ scores have such vast variances, I would certainly seek out a specialist who can help you figure it out. With some scores at 99.9% and some at 50%, the full scale IQ probably isn't a true measure of his intelligence, and it would benefit him to find out if a learning disability it at play and what to do about it.


These questions occurred to me, too. It is not healthy or wise for anyone in the family to allow one parent to be set up as "the smart one" and more worthy of respect. So I hope that's not the case. It's hard to tell from a post on a forum like this so maybe I am reading too much into it, but respect must be given by all parties in the family.

I would agree that the IQ testing is probably not a completely accurate picture of his abilities. In addition to the question of learning disabilities, his experience of English may be different from other children growing up in this country, as he is hearing multiple languages at home, and English from non-native speakers. It is likely that there are verbal concepts that he understands, for which he has made up his own terms, because he has not had as much exposure to the standard English terms. Or words that he knows only from reading, which he wouldn't recognize if said out loud.

I do think also that the parenting relationship between you and your son is more important than the educational or giftedness questions. You have a lot to offer to him. Whatever his level of intelligence, you are still his mother, who loves him, takes care of him, comforts him when he is sad, and is there to teach him about life and how to be a good human being. You don't have to understand all of his ideas, or be able to answer all of his questions, but you can still show an interest in his thoughts by asking him to explain them, and writing down his questions to look up later. You can also demonstrate to him that there are different kinds of skills, and different contributions people make to a family. Even when you do household activities, you can explain what you are doing (also a way of showing him what explaining something looks like)--such as how and why one sorts laundry by fabric or color, how one selects or cuts vegetables to prepare a meal, the thought process that might have gone into decorating a room.

I think it is very good that you have tried to enter into his interests, and feed his desire for knowledge in those areas, but it might provide some balance for him to see that you already have large stores of knowledge in some other areas, that might not have been particular interests to him, but are very useful for life.

Finally, it may be worthwhile for you and your husband to sit down periodically, when your son is out of the house, or is asleep, to talk about how you feel, your concerns about meeting his needs intellectually, his attitude toward each of his parents, and how best to help him grow both academically, and as a respectful and compassionate human being. There are always challenges in parenting, and it is even harder when work schedules mean you are parenting separately much of the time.

Try to get a copy of the sub scores or make notes at your meeting today.

There are people on this forum that can help you to decipher/better understand what the scores indicate about your child.

Dear Tallulah,
I will try to explain myself little bit:))
""He wasn't 100% with you because you weren't 100% with him. You were taking notes.""
Some times one day, some times one week or months DS7 is focusing the problem in his mind. Normaly I realized that but yesterday I didnt.I tought It was a beautiful mommy- son day but His mind was trying to solve smthg else and evening time when he began to talk my husband, I realized that his mind wasnt with me:)) I got frusturated.Because I want him to enjoy regular things. I want him to relax. i dont want him to attend activities like a robot.

I do know basic physics.but I dont know Quantum physic and teory of realitivity (I can tell yoy what is a string teory, dark meter,anti meter but not like my son, I know the formula . Between Galileo and Einstein I can explain to you the history of sciene but thats it) My son knowledge is ahead of me in some areas in science , I needed a take notes because it was like a lecture.I am a note book girl.My husband even in college never used book and note book.but I did.

DS7 doesnt want me to take notes.Because He was pretty sure that these ideas original. He wants to keep them for himself:))). After he watched Tesla's biography documentary,He began to think that way. He sees whole universe differently. he doesnt want my answer yesterday he didnt ask anything, He made a conclusion and he wanted support for his ideas which I cant, I am not a scientist.I really freaked out because he is only 7 years old and He will make radical changes if we continue support him in right way, he is completely different. He is not a bad kid, He is trying to cope with his differences and as a mommy I am his target :))).He can write but at PK, he got so mad to write same letters again and again and refused to write any more. Now He began to realize that His friends writing get improved but not his and Now i think He got panic and because of that he is refusing to write more . Parenting him is my life time challenge and sometimes I feel like I cant do this but thanks for this forum and you guys Every time I am getting back on track.The ideas you(all of you) gave I will use them wisely:))
My husband never lets my son looks down on me, but I still feel inedequate because DS7 needs some direction at this point and I am stuck now. But just now :))

Have you considered the Young Scholar program for your son? Qualifications listed here.

Also, as your son develops ideas you may wish to give future consideration to him applying for one of the Fellows Scholarships.

Dear Indigo,
I will apply for the Fellow Scholarship but The 2014 Application Deadline has passed.I will wait for next year dead line
For young schoolar program:
DS7's school Scool tested him with Woodcock Johnson 3 NU test of achievement and these results are not enough to apply.
Broad reading : 99 +2.35
Broad Math : 87 +1.12(DS7 refused to participate)
Broad written Lang:1 -2.46( He didnt write)
Oral language: 45 -0.12
Discrepancies :PR: 93 SD(or z):+1.51 significant at +or -150: yes interpretation: Above expected recall

Weschler intelligent Scale
Verbal comprehention: %95
Smilarities 99.9
Vocabulary 84
comprehention 50
My husband looked at it and said He got bored :))
I looked at it and said "Learning disability" :)).
Perseptual reasining Subtest Score : %96
bloc design:98
picture concepts: 84
matrix reasoning:91
Prosessing Speed : %16