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    Joined: Nov 2012
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    It goes from bad to worse for my DD - and from exasperating to infuriating for me. I am told she is 'very slow' to complete her work. Work she completed once already a full year ago. Exactly the same workbook. Which she declared 'too easy' a year ago. No one suspects boredom as a cause, because the oodles of equally 'bright' kids in the class are just zipping along. I'm only hearing about her 'very slow' work speed after expressing concern about academics. I must remember to keep my head below the parapet in future, lest I make things worse for my child.

    And isn't that the worst of it? My child is being penalized because her parents are attempting to ensure sufficient challenge. At a school which purports to value that sort of thing. All of those promises of differentiation have turned to dust because one administrator thinks her job is to disprove every external test result that crosses her desk.

    I'm not sure I need advice so much as a hug. I am failing miserably as an advocate for my child, and have actually made things worse for her. I'm not sure that all the emails and meetings in the world can fix this, and we're only a few weeks into the year. Am I wrong? Are 99.8's really that thick on the ground?

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    I'm not sure I need advice so much as a hug.
    Ok then, hugs today. Advice tomorrow?

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    No, you are not wrong. Problem is 99.8s are that rare and they all look quite different and they don't necessarily fit the profile of the bright high achieving student schools are used to.

    Big hugs!!!


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    I have a 99.8 who seems quite average academically so far. I'm glad I tested before he started school or I would be thinking I had kids with 3 SD between the rather than just one. Mostly in his case it is being risk averse. In your daughters case yes she sounds bored. Why would they have her do the same workbook twice?

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    Same problem, good luck and Big hugs:)).

    Last edited by xsantos; 09/19/14 08:22 PM.
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    I wish you the best of luck. I do not know whether this helps, but it is my thoughts on the subject.

    Sometimes when dealing with those that do not understand something that I am trying to explain, I choose a different tactic. Be pragmatic. Look for the method to get the right end result, even if the parties whose help I need do not understand why I need it.

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    If you truly want to do something for her, do everything you can to remove her from that school. The year will be wasted academically, and it could be damaging psychologically. You are in a position in which I wish I could go back in time and do it over.

    I just went through the same thing last year with my son. It was awful and toxic. The "disproving" the test results really strikes me as a major concern. My son's teacher last year resorted to humiliating him in class by asking him questions to things she hadn't taught. It's like she thought he should already know everything. She made it a goal to prove he wasn't any different than the other bright kids in the class. She pointed out every flaw she could. She also ignored my son's request for help when he needed it. It was so bad that we recently discovered that he didn't think he "deserved" to get help. His self-esteem crashed, his confidence disappeared and he was troubled by going to school to "waste his life away". That is heartbreaking to hear when dropping a 6yo child off at school.

    We moved him to a new school this year and he is blossoming. He loves his teachers and his class. He's genuinely happy and engaged. I knew he had issues last year. I was counting down the days until he was out, but he's opening up even more about how his teacher "didn't even act like I existed". He now has something to compare last year to and it's upsetting. I'm glad we are in a new place now. It's like night and day in every aspect.

    If you have any choice in the matter, change her school immediately.


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    We switched schools last year because of this same issue. I can't believe the change in our son. He's so motivated academically now and proud of himself. Environments like those are toxic to kids like ours. Wish I had just homeschooled him last year!

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    Well, hugs.

    Below is not advice. It is just my experience.

    Pragmatism is important, but sometimes a teacher really can do a lot of harm, especially to a kid who is highly sensitive.

    Our child has had two bad classroom experiences. In the first one (a preschool), we talked with the head of the school. She was very approachable, but we didn't get the sense that she saw a problem. As nice as she (and the school) was, we left that school. The next year my daughter had a much better experience.

    The second time (an elementary school), the administration was very receptive to our concerns, never belittled them, and the counselor became an advocate for my child. Nothing changed during that school year, but the right teacher was selected for her this year and things are so much better.

    That leads me to believe that before changing schools, it can be helpful to talk to someone higher up. I think finding an advocate there helped in a more long-term way.

    At any rate, I left my child in the bad situation for the remainder of the year both times. It DOES do damage. I would not leave my child in that situation for longer than a year, and I do wish I had brought up the problem earlier last year and tried to get her class changed. In both years we spent the summer working to build her confidence back up again. But this year she has a teacher who knows her history and can help build her confidence back up too. There is something to be said for that.

    I totally get the "doing more harm" thing. FWIW, things I have learned (for my situation) are: not to use the words bullied or gifted, talk about very observable specifics, document the things that concern you (we kept behavior calendars, samples of handwriting, samples of work that concerned us and showed a pattern, examples of what my child was doing at home), bring the documentation. I think documentation is really, really important. The school needs to SEE the problem, not just hear about it.

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    Whether changing schools or staying in place, advocacy may be needed from time to time. Some environments are open to advocacy, and some are much less so. Ongoing research on the environment/audience and advocacy skills, continued gathering of information, and practice may all help yield positive results through advocacy.

    For example, when a school representative states in a meeting that your DC may move ahead upon proving mastery, you may wish to inquire for details as to how they define mastery, for example: cut scores or activities which will be utilized, timetable for these assessments or activities, redo opportunities, etc. This provides a transparent process.

    At the end of the meeting you may wish to recap and document the agreements, understandings, and next steps from the meeting. Then if it appears any of the agreements are not being followed, you have a basis for initiating a follow-up meeting. This holds the school accountable for their process.

    At this point you may wish to request a meeting to essentially recap understandings from the prior meeting, inquire as to progress and any actions taken, seek details, and then document these understandings and agreements.

    You may also wish to keep dated written records at home. This will be largely for your own use, and will provide a factual framework for future efforts.

    Other posts which may be of interest here and here.

    A list of advocacy resources in this thread.

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