Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Prep for meeting with school, any advice?

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lol, Master of None

I despise confrontation and until some really awfull things happened at school for my son, I avoided meetings with the school. Now, while I still hate confrontation, I am proactive in trying to head off problems before they reach critical mass.

I think you should have the meeting with the school and perhaps present your thoughts in a this is what we experienced last year. These are things we would like to see happen this year. How can we work together to make this happen.

Make a list of the concerns you have from last year as well as a wish list of things you would like to see for the next term. Try to prioritize them and make the top items your biggest concerns.

Talking about the emotional impact of your concerns on your child sometimes works better than a whole lot of empirical data (although the data helps too). If you have private test results have them with you. If possible see if the Psych will attend the meeting with you as well.

Personally, I've had decent results using the let's work together approach before the problems get out of hand than trying to get academic changes when the school only sees behavior issues.

Good luck and keep us posted

I would not stress IQ scores too much, but would emphasize strong achievement test scores, especially individual tests or above level tests.

Bring examples of self initiated projects that your children do in addition to (or instead of) assigned class work!

Now is a great time (k-4th) for a grade skip! We wish we had been offered one more for our son when he was still young.

Also keeping in mind that the teacher's/school's goals are not the same as yours can be helpful in thinking about how to frame things.

They are worried about kids performance in general, test scores, workload, classroom management, etc. You are worried about one child. Sometimes those two sets of priorities line up, but not always.

Anything you can do to present your issues and ideas in a way that supports the school's/teacher's list of priorities, rather than as asking for special treatment that will detract from their reaching their goals, the more likely you are to get the help your child needs.

IMHO, meetings can be good. It lets you know where the school is, and it should be a place to voice your concerns. We have tried to have concreat things we wanted, advanced math is an example. We have also brought in proof of where DS5 was at before we asked for what we wanted. We als worked in colaboration with the school, it was a team effort which included us working with him at home. Teaching them to teach themselves is one of the best ways to develop life long learners. Also indulging their passions and letting them explore them to the depth they want, also helps. We expose DS5 to things and go into more deph as needed. We cast a wide net and then go deep when needed. Im rambling, before you go decide what you want, ask for it, and try to back it up with why you want it, and try to show what they are doing. It's all a process, not a final goal.

Agree with everything above.
I guess one way to look at is this: If your children were BEHIND to the extent that they are AHEAD, would you be scheduling a meeting?
Actually, probably not, the school would have already called you to discuss it.

I find this comment pretty troubling:

Nobody knows how full of facts this child is, and when he shares something, they are shocked. The reaction puts him deeper in his shell.

Especially: The reaction puts him deeper in his shell.

Just that is a valid reason to pursue this, IMHO.

Oooooh! That's very wise, 'Neato! Really, that's an extremely smart way to think about it to get past that "Am I nuts or whiny or wrong?" feeling that we parents of HG+ kids so often get.

Brilliant!

May the force be with you

Excellent post, Dottie! You really have heard it all!

I am also extremely envious of the fact that you get an advocate (provided by the state, I assume) to attend your meetings.

good luck MoN.

I'm late to this discussion, but am prepping for a similar meeting next fall, so I'll add a couple of thoughts.

First, this site has some very good resources. For short-term review, I would suggest reading Julia Osborn's article on advocacy (you can find it easily using the site's search function). The article library also offers a Davidson Advocacy guide, which, though it's 40 pages long, reads quickly and has good outline ideas. If acceleration is your goal, there are any number of good articles in the 'Davidson Database' article library. I read about one parent who brought in several such articles, with key points highlighted, and presented them in a binder to the school representative.

Second, a portfolio of your child's work/play in math, reading, whatever, showing a level of competence above what the school curriculum offers at the age-appropriate grade level, is hard to debate against.

Knowing your blind spots is key, too, if you can manage it. Mine is that I'm apt to rely on personal intensity rather than dispassionate data - this always backfires! But it's a terrific effort to be detached where my child is concerned.

Best of luck.

oh no hugs. much luck to you.

MON, I hear you on the handwriting issues... DD has no official accommodations either. Last year, I had her type her homework (without asking the teacher's permission). The teacher was fine with it, and homework was MUCH quicker As for in class work, I haven't tried to address that. I am very interested to hear what you and the school work out for your DS.

Dear Master:

So sorry to hear your meeting was discouraging. For what it's worth, I've found the best summarized blow-by-blow account of a mother's ongoing negotiations with schools over her child's whole educational career in the beginning of DEVELOPING MATH TALENT. You might find some comfort (or not!) and ideas there. In essence, she concludes that advocacy with the public system is a time-consuming, effort intensive job that continues through all twelve years of the conventional curriculum. For this reason, we are trying to have a home-school system set up as a fall-back.

I'd like to mention again the rich resource base the Davidson institute offers in its Davidson Gifted Database pages - I know there are specialized articles there on dealing with handwriting and suchlike, if you haven't read them already.

When I think this process through, and try to see the public school administration's side, I assume about 80% of their parents believe their children to be gifted and deserving of 'special' attention. For this reason, I've concluded it's essential to have third party data (test scores) and analysis (articles and research) to make the case I want to present. With this approach I'm hopeful we can maintain the dialog on the plane of what is best for the child and consistent with the school's mission, rather than the plane of what we think versus what they think.
I have my fingers crossed that this approach will get us where we want to be.

Hang in there!

Agreed. Try to collect as much tangible data as you can to support your situation. I really feel you should go with the full eval at this point to see what you are dealing with. Find out what's behind the handwriting and expression issues from a specialist. They can get you the special education plan if you need it.

I look at how stressed I was last year. The thought of repeating the process and starting over with each teacher for 11 more years makes me realize it may not be a good idea for me!
I'm not sure I have the temperment to deal with it!

I'm currently attempting to take advantage of a partial homeschool availability that our state has. This way the girls can attend school with their friends(they get a long with different age groups and we are lucky that they both like being with their same age group as well), yet spend part of their day, working at their appropriate learning level. And I don't have to put the burden on the teacher. I think it works for everyone. The girls are happy, parents feel learning needs are adressed to some point, teacher doesn't have to deal with me!

I would LOVE partial homeschooling! My state doesn't allow it.

MON:
You say that one of your options is to get outside testing to find out what he needs and then tell the school. Does that mean that you aren't sure what he needs? I'd say do the private testing if you can - don't wait around for the school to do it or to "use their expertise". They probably don't know what to do either.

After a very frustrating meeting that we had with the principal in June we decided that we had to pursue further testing. They psychologist who tested DS two years ago told us that it seemed time to reassess to get a stable measure of ability and to figure out the behaviors issues. We just don't feel that the school is giving him what he needs but yet we don't really know what he needs. Hoping to know after testing in August. Then we'll know what to ask for and whether the school can do it.

Best of luck. It would be nice to take the summer off from worrying about school stuff, wouldn't it??!

Dazey,
The state allowing for it and actually getting it to work properly are two totally different propositions........

Debbie,
Incredibly frustrating, sent you a p.m.

Oh Mon, what a disappointing meeting! Better luck next time, and be sure to document everything they promised!

Partial HS sounds like a terrific option. What states allow it?

FWIW, we are looking at sinking big bucks into testing. We'd rather spend it on things like specialized lessons, toys (and vacations!), but just don't see any way around it. We try to see it as an investment that will yield a return to our overall family quality of life for years and years to come.

MON -
This just makes me want to cry. How sad. It was bad enought when they resisted letting my 'low handwriting' boy type, but if my own son wasn't at least talking at school, I would have felt too helpless. I'm praying you get a teacher who understands.

I guess if it were me I would start the ball rolling on the SPED, just out of sheer frustrationg, and because it's the only thing that is gaureenteed to get action of some kind.

Remember that we aren't required to fix all these messes, just to do our best and try.
Grinity

Oh, how frustrating for your ds! The handwriting thing is one of my biggest pet peeves. I'd say, go with a private eval to get him the help he needs--if the school hasn't recognized and worked toward fixing the problem by now, they're unlikely to, ever.

We're lucky enough to have found a school for ds6 that does writing as a class seperate from subject work ... But that was a barrier at his public school last year that I just don't get.

Now the talking ... That's a whole seperate issue and I've got no advice, but plenty of sympathy for the situation!

Good luck, whatever you decide to do next.

Agreed! How the heck are you?

Yay! Here's hoping for more of that same progress for him!

I'm so happy to read this MONone!!!

What a wonderful feeling for you! Glad all is well (or at least much, much better)!