I found this in a box of stuff I was going through today -- it's something my mother saved at some point. No credit on the page, so "anonymous" unless anyone knows otherwise.
How to Succeed
Once upon a time the animals had a school.
The curriculum consisted of running, climbing, flying, and swimming, and all the animals took all the subjects.
The duck was good in swimming, better, in fact, than his instructor. He made passing grades in flying, but he was particularly hopeless in running. Because he was low in this subject, he was made to stay in after school and drop his swimming class in order to practice running. He kept this up until he was only average in swimming. But average was acceptable, so nobody worried about that except the duck.
The eagle was considered a problem pupil and was severely disciplined because, although he beat all the others to the top of the tree in the climbing class, he insisted on using his own method.
The rabbit started out at the top of the class in running, but he had a nervous breakdown and had to drop out of school because of so much make-up work in swimming.
The squirrel led the class in climbing, but his flying teacher made him start his flying lessons from the ground up instead of from the top of the tree down. He developed charley horses from overexertion at the takeoff and began getting C's in climbing and D's in running.
The practical prairie dogs apprenticed their offspring to the badger when the school authorities refused to add digging to the curriculum.
At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim well, run a few feet, climb a bit, and fly a little was made valedictorian.
