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I have a question and maybe some other parents have experience with this?? I have a daughter that scores in the HG+ to PG range (WISC-IV and SB-5) and has very high achievement and very good executive functioning and is a social butterfly. She is 8 and has always had lots of friends, is very socially astute and has always been one of the most popular girls in her class. The problem is that she is an expert at gauging emotional reactions of others so she often hides her intelligence. For instance she has articulated to me on several occasions that she has to change her vocabulary drastically when talking to her friends because they will think she is weird if she does not. Even though she does very well at school and has excellent grades her teachers are always shocked when they see her scores. One of her teachers even remarked on her being to like-able to be that gifted (which was ridiculous), stating that she was not "prickly" enough. So 1) How do you encourage your children to not hide their gifts? and 2) combat ridiculous stereotypes that gifted children are socially awkward?

If she qualifies for DYS maybe doing the regional meetups or the Reno meetups might be helpful? If we end up qualifying we will try to join DYS when DS3 is a bit older.

With that level of documented ability and social ability she would be a unquestionable candidate for a grade skip using the IAS standards. That would probably be a good start.

So 1) How do you encourage your children to not hide their gifts? and 2) combat ridiculous stereotypes that gifted children are socially awkward?



I have no idea. Honestly, people who don't know my DD very well are completely astonished to learn just HOW gifted she actually is. She can even fool those who know her for years. She is so lightning fast at gauging what will make others uncomfortable that her default setting is to give them precisely what they want/expect from her, and nothing else. Her emotional regulation is so sophisticated that it's nearly super-human even by adult standards, so-- really, I have given up TRYING to change this about her. As an adult, this is a skill set that will pay dividends so profound that I have trouble really wanting to ameliorate it completely.

Being able to make others comfortable around you IS a good thing. It allows for leadership and team/collaborative activities that are productive, and it also allows you to be flexible and versatile interpersonally and professionally. So I guess my answer is this:

I quit trying to change who/what my daughter is, and I started realizing that my job as her mom is to make sure that others don't dismiss or underestimate her so significantly that she lacks appropriate challenge or opportunities to learn. On the other hand, this most recently meant GOADING her into challenging what she was initially told even during college registration. I mean, sure-- we coach assertiveness with her, but the bottom line is that she is reluctant to wield it effectively on her OWN behalf. (She has no trouble doing so on behalf of others, though, so we know that she's capable-- just mostly unWILLING to make others uncomfortable.)

I joke that my DD is PG, but with a Deanna Troi exterior. She really is. When you finally see that about her, it immediately eclipses every other aspect of her giftedness, as formidable as those things are. THIS is what separates her from the rest of the human race, basically. Seeing that light dawn on others (which is rare, because she's so tightly buttoned down that most of them NEVER realize it, which is DD's intent) is one of the most interesting things I've ever witnessed.

I have learned that DD, once comfortable, is still enough a child that she will do things that ARE NOT possible for anyone who isn't PG, and she won't realize what they signify if nobody calls them out. In other words, getting to know her slowly is convincing enough for most people to slowly warm to her LOG. Usually they wind up accepting that she's "probably HG." The PG stuff, she generally does in such a way as to provoke cognitive dissonance in others, but the surface is otherwise so placid that most people who aren't themselves HG+ write it off as their imagination. KWIM?

I've quit telling DD to not hide her LOG. She knows better, and she's right, when you get right down to it. There are not a LOT of situations in life that actually call for PG intellect, and there are in point of fact a lot of instances in which it is counterproductive and alienating. {shrug}

As long as she isn't intentionally flubbing tests, then it sounds like the stereotyping is the only issue. Social flexible is itself a gift. Chameleons often have small ways to dust a conversation with hints that there is more. As long as it isn't a complete mask, and look for opportunities where she can fully unleash with true intellectual peers.

Not sure how to counter that stereotype, my son certainly isn't helping the cause When a teacher may encounter an HG+ kid once every few years, when non-subjective differentiation isn't a standard part of a school, then stories of the marvelously gifted but non-quirky kid don't circulate.

then stories of the marvelously gifted but non-quirky kid don't circulate. [/quote]

This has been our story too. I think that the stereotype of the quirky gifted child is so strong that teachers and even parents don't see giftedness when the child behaves well in class and doesn't complain. I missed it with my PG DD10 until third grade, when she began to express her unhappiness with her teacher and school in general. At that point she began to tell me that she didn't want to be smart anymore. This had apparently been going on since first grade but she had never expressed anything. Long story short, when I had her take the WISC to get into a private school, I was astonished. Now we're doing achievement tests in the hope of getting into DYS so that she can meet other gifted girls and appreciate how intelligence can be a good thing.

I think it's totally possible to be socially adept at dealing at others at their level while embracing your own LOG. DD11 is extremely social and very good at getting along with people and adjusting her presentation to make them comfortable. She's also taking her first high school level classes and is pretty comfortable with that too (nervous, because it finally might be hard, but not uncomfortable). If the latter weren't true, I'd be much more concerned.

In the past, when she was not adequately challenged, she did have the tendency to dumb herself down to be liked, which we found detrimental to her sense of self. Although that could also be due to age and increasing maturity over time.

The fact that she doesn't present as highly gifted as she actually is in social situations is a good thing IMHO. It means she has friends and that teachers (those who know how smart she is) see her as well-adjusted. Ironic that her ability to fit in and "act her age" should reassure her instructors, but it's their opinions that keep her in classes far above grade range. If she came off as a tiny "Poindexter" stereotype who alienated other kids her age and annoyed the teens in her class, they would not be as accepting of her. However because she reads as "normal, a little goofy, kind of cool" the older kids tolerate her pretty well and her friends (who are 1-2 years older on average) aren't put off. The teacher are happy to have her in class most of the time.

I also have to point out that she is highly and very skillfully manipulative. After calling her on attempting to manipulate us, we now focus on "using her powers for good" as master of none already mentioned. Teacher feedback frequently mention her as a leader in class.

I have one gifted quirky kid and one gifted socially savy-ish one. The 9 year old is still a bit egocentric but he is a leader and makes friends easily. He doesn't hide anything...he is open and honest and endearing most of the time ... Unless he is hungry then all bets are off.

The gifted quirky kid is quiet and the hider.