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    Joined: Dec 2009
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    Originally Posted by KnittingMama
    Overthinking and perfectionism, in many areas of life. This leads to problems in various ways:

    -unable to make major house repairs/renovations in a timely fashion, because we consider every possible pro and con. Repeatedly. Also being worried that something won't turn out as well as imagined, so project is never started.

    -simple writing tasks, like sending a quick email or post, take forever sometimes because the wording has to be just right.

    -unable to get rid of stuff because I can think of a dozen different uses for something (or maybe the kids will want to take it apart, or maybe we can use it for parts, or....)

    This. Totally this.

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    Originally Posted by it_is_2day
    Mainly adding to this for the programming motif. When someone asks how my algorithm works, I struggle to first figure out at what level I need to simplify the explanation, or use analogies. I know that if I simplify it too much s/he will feel I am talking down to said person. If I don't simplify it... glazed eyes..., but I do not see any portion of it as complicated, so I do not know where a certain person will get lost. Most of the time, I side step the question and just show them how to use it.


    Regularly, I have to document workflows and setup instructions, and I always have to assume they know nothing. Some of it is that I really don't know how technical people are going to be and whether they can fill in the blanks (there are a few folks that I know I can write very basic outline and they can fill in the blanks, but that is like 5% of the people I deal with) and some of it is that I have to assume they are not native English speakers. So often times I really write it in simple terms... and find people often copying snippets of what I wrote to supplement their documentation. For instance, instead of saying "edit the file and make change xyz", I found I have to write "type 'vi test.txt' and then move to the line that contains xyz..." even for documentation that is directed just for my team.

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    Thought I'd add on more than my lemonade...

    On the non or anti-perfectionism side of the realm (which I'm not sure is innate or extreme mis-compensation or maybe it is intrinsic perfectionism vs. extrinsic perfectionism... nothing needs to be "just right" in fact I want exactly what's on the menu, after I've read the whole thing.)

    Similar to HK and AEH, my style is such that when I walk into a room, everyone there gets smarter. Also have the training thing, but barring mandatory/dodging lawsuit work training, I've always managed to persuade employers that a fifty dollar book and a day of free time is better than a fifteen hudred dollar course and a week offsite.

    Then the other thing is the talent for finding the minimum effort for maximum returns honed to an art in elementary through high school. Mix that in with the self effacing manipulation techniques and a flexibility of thought that is willing to adapt to situations, it is really, really hard to be assertive unless something is extremely important.

    What I don't know is how much is inherent to the mind and how much is a product of the mind in a specific environment, which leads to angsty thoughts such as will traits I'd like to pass on to my son (in smaller doses, I'd hope) depend on him having less than stellar school experiences.

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    Originally Posted by notnafnaf
    Regularly, I have to document workflows and setup instructions, and I always have to assume they know nothing. Some of it is that I really don't know how technical people are going to be and whether they can fill in the blanks (there are a few folks that I know I can write very basic outline and they can fill in the blanks, but that is like 5% of the people I deal with) and some of it is that I have to assume they are not native English speakers. So often times I really write it in simple terms... and find people often copying snippets of what I wrote to supplement their documentation. For instance, instead of saying "edit the file and make change xyz", I found I have to write "type 'vi test.txt' and then move to the line that contains xyz..." even for documentation that is directed just for my team.

    Totally.

    And its ugly cousin, where I'm being treated like a moron by level 1 tech support. I try to get in front of that early in any call. "I know you're supposed to behave like I know nothing about computers, because I worked helpdesk at one point myself, but I'm an IT systems programmer with X years experience." Sometimes this works great, the person on the other line is happy to be working with a peer, and feels free to ask more advanced questions/directions, like "what's your DNS set to?" rather than walking me through a ten-step process to find it.

    And other times... [headbangdesk].

    I once had to call someone in my own department because my work laptop battery was dead. I identified myself and my role to her. And she walked me through the stupid, obvious questions anyway. At one point I lost my patience enough to mutter to myself, "treating me like an idiot," she decided she'd heard an f-word, and made a formal complaint. The managers involved accepted my explanation, but I still got a counseling sheet in my record, and was asked to make an apology.

    She never got it, and she never will.

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    Originally Posted by aeh
    This is where the phrase, "I'm so happy for you!" comes in rather frequently. Or, "I so appreciate the effort you put into this." "Thank you for thinking of me." "I can tell this comes from the heart."

    I think it helped me a lot when I shifted from responding to the outcome to responding to the person generating it, and what this meant for our relational connection. The product itself is secondary.

    Oh, I definitely do - and perhaps I'm being over sensitive but I always feel like people want a bigger reaction to things. I always do my best to communicate something that makes them happy but I can't fake an over the top reaction.


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    Originally Posted by St. Margaret
    Originally Posted by KnittingMama
    Overthinking and perfectionism, in many areas of life. This leads to problems in various ways:

    -unable to make major house repairs/renovations in a timely fashion, because we consider every possible pro and con. Repeatedly. Also being worried that something won't turn out as well as imagined, so project is never started.

    -simple writing tasks, like sending a quick email or post, take forever sometimes because the wording has to be just right.

    -unable to get rid of stuff because I can think of a dozen different uses for something (or maybe the kids will want to take it apart, or maybe we can use it for parts, or....)

    This. Totally this.

    Wow, this sounds familiar.

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    The hardest thing for me was 12 years of relatively decent gifted education led me to believe the world was full of people just like me, and that I'd be able to do anything.

    I never learned to focus on what I truly enjoyed and was good at, nor that for a lot of people in the "real world" another person's intelligence and giftedness is a threat, not an asset. As a result, I feel like my career has been spent drifting from one "oh that sounds interesting" to another without ever having found something that fulfills my mind and soul.

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