Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Struggles as a gifted adult

Overthinking and perfectionism, in many areas of life. This leads to problems in various ways:

-unable to make major house repairs/renovations in a timely fashion, because we consider every possible pro and con. Repeatedly. Also being worried that something won't turn out as well as imagined, so project is never started.

-simple writing tasks, like sending a quick email or post, take forever sometimes because the wording has to be just right.

-unable to get rid of stuff because I can think of a dozen different uses for something (or maybe the kids will want to take it apart, or maybe we can use it for parts, or....)

Yes. My personality was already oriented this way, and then my graduate training involved collaborative consultation, and of course, colleagues and superiors are much easier to work with when they realize that you will use your skills and intelligence to advance institutional and client outcomes without necessarily demanding credit. There's a lot of selective pressure to maintain this communication style.

I'm blessed to have had supervisors who valued this enough to offer me incentives to increase the attractiveness of the position (not financial ones, of course, in public education! but scheduling and support resources that were important to me in terms of lifestyle and being able to be the kind of professional I want to be), rather than merely taking the credit. I think it helps that, though I never have to voice this, they know that I have no desperate need to hold onto any given current position.

It's only in the last few years that I've begun to learn a better balance between being my essential self and adapting to my communication/work partners.

yes yes 100% yes. I didn't realize this was related to my giftedness until this moment. One thing that has worked well for me is FlyLady (it's a sort of organization system for people who tend to be well, disorganized). Letting go of perfectionism is a big part of it.

I do have a real problem in letting objects go- I don't like things to end up in landfills so I am always trying to figure out how to get one more use out of them, or who I could give them to who would be able to use them. Thank goodness for Freecycle and Goodwill etc. In addition, my brother is Buddhist, so he is always reminding me that all things are impermanent, and no matter what I do, they will eventually end up in a landfill, it is not my responsibility to caretake objects forever.

As far as renovation, personal style, etc. sometimes I hate that I am able to see so many possibilities all the time, it can be paralyzing.

DH is the king of research... he has to research and research for a long time for so many things. (but we balance out because I tend to immediately execute... I can only wait so long before I have him tell me what he has so far and then just run with it... this even included where to live... if he had his way, we would still be researching different cities, but I really liked the city we ended up moving to 6-7 years ago, and just started the plan to move a few months later, leaving him stunned when it was time to go)

And we will both have moments of agonizing over making sure the emails are just right for whatever we want to say.

I am an extrovert and desire the company of others. However, I connect with very few people. I get very lonely.

Four years ago, I got into heart failure. This harms intellectual performance. I can tell that I am not up to what I used to be. However, I still have all the signs of being gifted. It is a depressing, complex problem.

This is definitely the spouse. Also micromanaging contractors to the inch/cm. And learning enough about a totally-unfamiliar field in the course of a new project to present the contractor/expert with a completed proposal/plan/brief that they then insert a few phrases of professional jargon into, implement, and charge you for. Alternatively, going over their proposal with a fine-tooth comb, finding and correcting substantive errors, and then getting charged for it. Contractors/vendors/advisors either love or hate working with my SO. Usually depending on their own level of skill and confidence in their field.

It is always a challenge adjusting to changes in one's own cognitive profile. Those who experience traumatic brain injury frequently experience a kind of mourning period, letting go of the person you were accustomed to being, the person you thought you would be in the future, and learning to accept and embrace the equally-precious and valuable person you now are.

I hope you know that your worth is not rooted in your giftedness, as delightful as that aspect of you likely is.

I definitely feel misunderstood a lot. I get told to 'just relax' all the time, because I am so focused on little things. And, one of the worst things is I'm so hard to please, because of having such particular things in mind - that I know I have inadvertently hurt people's feelings. I always try and express gratitude toward people, and when I don't like something, I am nice about it. But, there have been so many times where I think people expect me to jump up and down with joy and instead I'm like 'meh' because quite frankly.. it takes a LOT to impress me. It's not as if I grew up being spoiled or anything; I just have specific ideas in my head. It's rare for someone else to hit the mark. It causes my poor husband a lot of stress.

Thanks so much aeh. The first two years were especially difficult. I have learned to live with it. My gifted daughter is a senior this year.

This is where the phrase, "I'm so happy for you!" comes in rather frequently. Or, "I so appreciate the effort you put into this." "Thank you for thinking of me." "I can tell this comes from the heart."

I think it helped me a lot when I shifted from responding to the outcome to responding to the person generating it, and what this meant for our relational connection. The product itself is secondary.