Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Normal or Overexciteabilities?

I sometimes feel so lonely about DS6’s behaviors.

He never acts out at school and is always an angel. It’s a different story at home and when out and about. DH thinks it’s all normal boy stuffs.

A lot of what DS does are indeed normal boy stuffs – being rough, fighting, etc. One thing that really bothers me is that when he is in a “certain” state of mind, he is really out of line – spitting, shaking a baby gate like a caged animal, climbing on top of the table, taking off his clothes, etc.

I _think_ he does it mostly to show off – when grandma is here, when he is with DD, when in the doctor office waiting with a room full of people, etc. Or after too much rough housings.

And he knows it’s wrong. In fact, he told me he doesn’t like himself sometimes because he is being bad.

I am on my wit's end. Are these just all normal boy stuffs and I am just being a perfectionist?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

From time to time, most kids act up at home or in a familiar environment. I have always heard teachers say that if the kid can behave like an angel all day at school, and the wild behavior is at home, it is not a problem. Just a kid letting pent up energy out after a day of sitting still and being good.

My older two girls were always fairly calm. My youngest, now 10, is not so calm at home - always has to be doing something. Her teachers think she is wonderful, so I don't think there is a problem - only that she annoys DH and me, plus her older sisters. Also, she doesn't have anyone her age at home. Her sisters will soon turn 17 and 19, so while they had each other to bug/wrestle/play with, she doesn't have anyone. I forget, is your DS an only child or if he has siblings, is there a large age gap?

There are times when executive control breaks down; his reaction to his own behaviors sounds like impulses are winning out over his intent.

Common causes for a loss of control include stress, tiredness, and sugar/energy levels (high or low.)

I'd start by trying to eliminate or identify one of these by noting time of day, variations in schedule, how recently he's eaten, how much he slept the night before, whether the same patterns show up on a weekend morning as on a weekday afternoon and such.

Is his schooling meeting his needs? Because we had this issue when DD was not being challenged at school (she was also 6/7 at the time). She was good all day (the teacher loved her) but would come home and just flip out. All the frustration from being mind-numbingly bored all day, every day would burst out of her. We had to make a major educational change in order to help her.

My guesses are lack of challenge in school and lack of strenuous physical activity.

On the latter, we just returned from a three week holiday at a large home and property where DS literally spent all day working in the yard, running, climbing, and jumping. His behaviour was spotless. Cue return to tiny loft and he was more frenetic, with energy expended on unfocused activity.

My first question would be, has your DS always behaved this way with you in public, or is this a new development? If the former, it may mean he has difficulty accepting you as a reliable authority figure, but he respects his teachers. If the latter, it may mean he's bottling up frustration at school all day, and then erupting when he feels safe at home.

Nothing new per se.

It's not so much that his misbehaviors bothers me, and Zen Scanner articulated it well. I feel like DS loses control over himself and turns impulsive due to *some* triggers. His triggers vary a lot.

I read Explosive Child as suggested by many on this board. I changed my own attitude toward DS from him not wanting to behave to him not knowing *how to* behave, and we read social stories that are applicable to our situations.

All these made a huge difference for DS! DS is far from perfect behavioral-wise and this is still a work-in-progress, but this has such a positive impact on him and the family dynamic.

Glad to hear it! That book saved us and DS as well.