Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Dealing with an advanced toddler

Hi all,

I have a 2 � year old. I know this is early for this discussion, but I�m trying to figure out if he�s just precocious or is gifted, because if he is gifted I know that supporting him as early as possible will help him be happier and contented down the line.

He just turned 2.5 on July 1.

My son is determined to learn. He knows his alphabet, upper/lower/cursive, and can read letters even upside down or backwards (through glass signs) no matter the font. He can list dozens of words starting with each letter. He knows what sound every letter makes and is trying to sound out words on signs, T-shirts, etc. Not able to quite put it together into words yet, but he can sound out each letter in a word and then waits for me to put the sounds together for him. If you say a word to him, he can immediately tell you what letter it starts with.

He can count to twenty by rote, and can count objects (one to one correspondence) to 12, and just yesterday started (on his own) counting backwards from 5 and doing one-to-one correspondence with that (he knows that if he has 5 objects, as he takes away 1 he goes down 1 number). OK, as I was writing that he took 10 slices of orange and did the same thing all the way from 10, although he stopped and re-counted at 7 and 6. No one taught him this or ever worked on something similar with him.

He makes up elaborate stories about his toys, and speaks in full paragraphs. He frequently and properly describes his own feelings and the feelings he sees in others (happy, sad, angry, etc.). If you say a new long word in front of him, he repeats it and repeats it until he has it memorized.

He identifies all colors and shapes, including 3 dimensional shapes-cylinder, cube, pyramid, etc.

He comes up with conclusions we can never expect from a two year old--yesterday my husband said to him, "Daddy and Robbie are boys," and without a beat my son said "and Mommy and Sissy are girls." He is constantly throwing concepts like that at us.

And he does this on his own�of course we help him play once he starts a game, and get him the toys, videos, etc. that teach him, but only because he absolutely demands it and is just so happy learning things.

He�s a total love bug and is very connected emotionally, and very happy most of the time, but he is also explosively temperamental�lots of daily battles. Particularly related to his perfectionism, and an utter inability to share. He is extremely possessive.

Suggestions? Thoughts?

Jennifer

Welcome!
Not being able to share is a pretty common trait for a 2 year old. I would say he is definitely gifted. When we were dealing with perfectionism in our girls we tried really hard so that they wouldn't see us saying something we did wasn't good enough or that they would see us saying "well, that's not too bad, I didn't think I could do it that well." or something like that. We struggled with perfectionism with our younger daughter on a daily basis until recently when she has slowly started to let it go. It still required reminders that no one is perfect and that we try our best to do whatever it is, but sometimes things don't go as we planned but what we did end up making is still good and we should be proud of it.
Good luck!

+1 for another gifted vote. My son is 2.9 (read 2 years, 9 months), and they have many similarities. Please feel free to look into some of my started threads if you'd like a point of comparison at differen ages.

And, welcome to the forum!!

Yup, gifted. I think these are things you can't "teach" an average kid that age. Well, maybe you could, but you wouldn't have a happy toddler. Enjoy!

Welcome!

You may wish to explore articles and resources on the Davidson Database, including
- The highly gifted baby
- FAQs about Extreme Intelligence in Very Young Children
- Small Poppies: Highly gifted children in the early years
- Parenting Gifted Preschoolers
- Profiles of the gifted and talented.
Ruf estimates may also be of interest.

You may wish to keep a dated log or journal of your child's milestones to refer to in the future. When your child is reading, you may wish to also list books read.

Many find the book A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children helpful in understanding and parenting a gifted child.

Jennifer,

Welcome to the forum.

My DD was your DS's age when I found this forum. This place has been a source of support for me since then.

Welcome Jennem,

This forum has been a wonderful source of support in helping us cater to our son's needs and has offered amazing advice on what to do accompany him in his activities and interests. I do not post often as I have very little time but reading other parents' experiences and concerns have offered great solace throughout the past couple of years (the signs started at 2 months old, he is now 2.4). All forums here have a lot to offer

What I found the most challenging were the high HIGH energy levels (he can sleep as little as 4 hours a day and is ALWAYS on the go and into things), the asynchrony (emotionally 2.5 for the most part i.e a temper tantrum because he wants to sit in THAT chair and not another identical one but intellectually much older than that i.e obsessed with details about planets, the systems of the human body, numbers, letters (and turning them upside down so he can discover new ones ) and recently for some unknown reason, Russian orthodox mass ceremonies on youtube ) and empathy levels so high that they cause anxiety (it is our National day where we live and there were fireworks and he got so upset because he was convinced Mercury got hurt in the process, we had to sit him down and talk it out with him)...In short, you may go through a lot of head-scratching and anxiety yourself when you see your baby thrive unlike other children that you might encounter...it can be a lonely experience but it doesn't have to be.

How I started was by reading a lot on the internet (the above links posted were a great start), buying toys and games that were beyond his age but always according to his interests of that moment and letting my own father who is profoundly gifted to do many activities with him on a weekly basis (that helped a LOT, so if yourself, a close friend or a family member is similarly inclined, I would say don't be afraid to ask for their help and advice, not being fearful to explain things to him as if he was 8 but always keeping in mind that he is only 2 and that rolling in the mud, drawing on my walls (even if those are numbers rather that squiggles) and temper tantruming is totally part of his development...

In terms of being a perfectionist, how we handled that was to not to try to teach him when he was rolling on the floor because he didn't write a perfect M at 18 months old. We waited until another time when we initiated a game and asked him if he would like to write together...he was much more receptive..possessive is normal for his age...reading stories about sharing can also help

The ride will be challenging but exciting...Your son sounds wonderful...welcome!

Hello and welcome- yes, your son sounds advanced and probably gifted.

My DS had the same high energy levels and explosive tantrums at that age.It was worrying because we were "green" parents, did not suspect giftedness or how it contributed to his strong feelings and asynchronicity.

One of the better things we have done when parenting DS was to "go with the flow" of his interests. If it was weather, we bought weather books, watched the weather channel, etc. and didn't discourage his need to explore that interest. Later, DS developed other interests, but they are frequently in-depth and long-term.

Gifted toddlers and preschoolers can be *hard.* All the capability, none of the judgement is what we used to say. The curiosity, emotional reactions, energy, and focus seemed so much more extreme for DS than my friends' children. He had tantrums often multiple times per day- usually over trying me trying to re-direct him.

We waited until K was nearly over to have a WISC administered, a year later we did the the WJ test for achievement. I recommend waiting until six (unless there is a compelling reason to do it earlier) on both so that you can get an accurate, stable result. Joining Davidson, both the public forum and the Young Scholars Program has been invaluable for advice and support. We changed schools this year, and I was able to vent sort through the decision here. If your child turns out to be on the extreme end of giftedness, it is quite common to deal with school issues.

Good luck to you and definitely use these forums for support- I know something of what you're going through.

Our DD was also similar in many ways at that age. We had her start preschool at a small, Reggio-inspired, Spanish immersion preschool at 2.5. Probably not necessary for all kids, but we both work and keeping her in toddler-aged daycare was not going to work for her any longer. Her preschool teacher urged us to get her tested, which we did at 3.4. We collaborated with her preschool teacher, the psychologist who tested her, and the Head of School and teachers at her current school to determine the most appropriate placement for her for this past school year. She entered K in fall 2013 at 3.8 and thrived there. She'll start first grade this fall.

The psychologist we consulted recommended testing at young ages only if it will impact your academic plan for your child. If he's going to be home with you regardless, you can just follow his lead and enjoy the next few years learning with him! If you're looking for school/care placement, it might be worth looking into having him tested. Information is almost always a good thing.

Yes, I share the uncertainty, of whether my 2.5 yo daughter is gifted due to the fact that she does not continuously act super smart, but those moments when she is singing frozen songs without a mistake and in fairly good pitch at the top of her lungs and acting out the scenes like saying "Do you want to build a snow man... It doesn't have to be a snowman" in the same voice as in the movie under the bathroom door I think to myself... Self, your daughter is something else.

Later, when she is whining about not wanting to do something that she is supposed to do, I think, no she is just a normal 2 year old.

Later still she want to go save Captain hook, and needs to make some more pixie dust first and I start thinking again she is something else.

There, are those moments where she will say very thoughtful things that seem years above her, and this tells me that I must not treat her in every way like an ordinary child because she understands so much more, but at the same time I do have to treat her like an ordinary child because she is still just this very little girl.