Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Fantasy/reality lying

Has anyone experienced a high level of lying in their children? DS 5.5 has started lying a lot over the last 6 months. When I ask him about his day he makes up stories. When people ask him standard greeting questions he lies. He makes up very elaborate stories. I have been getting frustrated because it seems like most of what he says is lies.

Today we got feedback from his gifted program teacher, and she is very concerned and says she thinks he is just making stuff up during the entire 3 hour class. She is not sure if he can tell the difference between reality and fiction. I have been frustrated with him, but always assumed he knows he is lying. It happens across all situations with all people. I am not really sure what to do.

I have not experienced this with my own children, but do know another child (not PG) who did this at about a year or two older in age. This child could stay in role for days, insisting with a totally serious expression that some patent untruth was so, including copious detail, even when logical inconsistencies were found, or a reliable reporter had contradicted them, coming up with ever more outlandish explanations for the inconsistencies. This went on for several years, actually, from about age 7 to around age 10, when the behavior faded on its own. The child is still a highly creative person. What I ended up doing in my interactions with this child was entering into the spirit of the story for a few minutes, and then ending with comments like, "You are a marvelous story-teller," accompanied by a warm smile and a twinkle. I won't claim that this would be the way to handle every child with this behavior, but in this case, it seemed to work as both an acknowledgement of the untruth of the statements, and an appreciation for the creativity involved.

I would throw a couple of thoughts out there: your child is around the age when, developmentally, children are exploring the boundary between reality and fantasy. It is not uncommon for kindergartners to invent elaborate imaginative explanations for observed phenomena. I seem to remember a book in grad school that was all about the extended fantasies created by a group of kindergartners in a uni lab school, mostly led by one boy. The title and author escape me, at the moment.

Secondly, even confabulations communicate something real about thoughts, feelings, and perceptions, if sometimes a bit dressed up. Is there any theme to the stories--an emotional thread, persistent reference to certain types of ideas, tasks, or relationships?

Thirdly, do you have any other reason to suspect poor reality testing, other than the story-telling? If not, I would not be nearly as concerned about distinguishing reality/fantasy.

For bibliotherapy, you might like "And to Think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street" by Dr. Seuss. The story is about a boy who loves to tell outlandish tales about what he sees on his walk home from school. Bottom line: he engages in fantastic imagination but tells the truth.

I always add my own line at the end of the book, "But upon further reflection, Marco decided to tell his dad about all the wonderful things he had imagined, too, knowing that it was just pretend." The dad just seems too stern and insensitive otherwise, like be couldn't care less about things that interest his son.

Thanks for the replies. No time for a proper response now, but it's appreciated.

My 7 year olds pants are on fire all of the time! (Liar, liar!) I would love to know more about others experiences. So far, I have tried to quietly tell him that I don't think he is telling the truth, which makes him dig his heels in further with the lie.
I don't want to embarrass him but I also don't want him to live in a fantasy world. I know a couple of pathological liars who are adults and they aren't much fun to be around!

For peace of mind, DH told outlandish lies at this age too & he did not turn out to be a pathological liar as an adult. He remembers it well, and seems to have thought of it more like a game & a way to interact/entertain others. In 1st grade he told his teacher that his house had caught on fire the night before & his entire family had jumped off the balcony and into their pool to escape. Apparently he was so convincing that the teacher belied him... turns out it was the plot of a Dallas episode.