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    Joined: Jun 2014
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    LAF Offline OP
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    So my DS9 has not been able to sleep without someone sitting with him in his room, and every night ends up sleep walking into our room to sleep with us. He has been this way since he was a baby, and we even tried cry it out (as a baby), bribery (worked for a week when he was in kindergarten- now there is no bribery that would work), everything super nanny recommends (including putting him back into his bed, checking on him every 5 minutes), NOTHING works. I can't really talk to anyone else about it as I get the "you aren't being a strong enough parent" talk. My husband knows this is not the case, but anyone else doesn't get it.

    Seriously, at night the kid is terrified to be alone, and neither my husband or myself (or my son) like the situation but we don't know what to do about it.

    He loves to learn about dangerous and toxic things (like dangerous animals, disasters, poisonous or toxic substances, deadly diseases) which makes things difficult, as while he is fascinated during the day, at night he cannot go to sleep, he is terrified of being alone. He says it is because he is afraid of zombies and vampires, and he knows they don't exist but it doesn't matter. During the day, we will make a plan but at night it all changes. Last night he said the only thing that would work is to take away his closet (this is after we had checked it several times). I explained that nothing can get into the closet, but logic doesn't work.

    During the day he also has separation anxiety at home only. I don't think he gets it at school because he is never alone there. Anyway it got so bad at one point that he wouldn't go into any room in the house alone - I had to go with him. My DD7 started catching it from him, so that got pretty bad- we were all going everywhere together. I finally decided to do exposure therapy by giving them points every time they went into a room by themselves, when they got 100 points they got to pick out a toy at target.

    This has worked really well, especially with my daughter, but we cannot get my son to go to sleep on his own or to stay in his bed. We are attempting to just get him to go to sleep on his own as while we put him to bed at 8-8:30 he will not fall asleep until 10-10:30 and so my husband and I end up sitting in the hallway for 2 hours and get no adult time together.

    The person who assessed him for giftedness confirmed he is HG, but said he has anxiety which made his processing speed very low. I'm sure poor sleep habits also figure into it. Has anyone had this problem, and what did you do? The assessor says I can bring him in to her for therapy but she is $$$ and we tried it a little bit already and the thing that has worked is what I came up with (the points system).

    Additional information- when I was a kid I had the same problem, I loved dramatic and tragic things like Pompeii etc. that would not bother me during the daytime but as soon as it would get dark I would start imagining the tragedy and get really freaked out. The darkness always made everything magnified.

    In addition, the assessor said he has anxiety at school which is why he zones out. Back story on this is that about one third of the kids were picking on him as he sucks on his fingers and (yuk) picks his nose in class -which I take to be a way of handling anxiety- but I spoke to him this morning and he said he never feels anxious or scared in class, just angry if someone teases him or if the teacher yells at him.

    I handled the nose picking by taking him to the allergist and he got allergy meds which has helped tremendously. At the teacher's suggestion we got him chewing gum to help with the fidgeting and the finger sucking, this also helped.

    Anyway, any thoughts?

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    Things that have helped our sleep walker:
    Music, bedtime reading together, plenty of pillows, getting a new mattress, checking vents in his room to make sure temperature is fine, talking/coaching about lucid dreaming and being in charge of his dreams.

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    KJP Offline
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    Some ideas:

    Redecorate his room with his help and use some cool nighttime light features. I am thinking of something like a lava lamp, aquarium, art using dark blue/green Christmas lights.

    Would it help if the kids slept in the same room? That and having the top bunk helped me at that age. Maybe set up one room for sleeping and clothes storage and the other for playing/media.

    I know a family who frequently have one kid on the love seat in the master bedroom and one kid in the dog bed with the dog on the floor! They don't put them there, they just find them in the morning.

    Maybe giving him a flashlight in his bed or let him set up a small tent in his room for sleeping. Maybe since a tent hides you while you sleep, he'd feel less afraid.

    Just some ideas.


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    I had horrible nighttime fears well into my 20s. For me rational dismissals didn't help, because the fear itself was not rational. In fact, rational dismissals made me more upset because it was ignoring my fear, which was very real to me. I needed a cell phone I could call for help on, a window I could potentially climb out of, etc. so that I knew I could get help if I needed it.

    I went though some therapy that helped me recognize the feeling of anxiety earlier and earlier. If I could catch it early enough, then I could apply some strategies before it spiraled out of control. This was mainly helpful during waking hours, but decreasing my overall anxiety helped lessen the general anxiety I took to bed with me.

    I hope you find some help. I know this is terrible for both of you!

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    LAF Offline OP
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    Thanks all - MON was the SSRI for sleep walking or night time fears or both? Which SSRI?

    KathrynH did you do cognitive therapy? The assessor says she doesn't think cognitive therapy will work for him, I can't remember why.

    KJP- he has two fishtanks in his room, I don't think redecorating will do it somehow but I will try anything at this point. He does have a nightlight and we keep the regular lights turned down low. I have a boy and a girl and they did share a room until they both wanted their own rooms when my daughter was about 3 or 4.

    I was hoping the allergy medicine might help with the sleep walking but he's still doing it - it's a habit I guess. Someone else I know tried biofeedback which appeared to work for her PG kid, but I think he went to bed fine to begin with.

    Last edited by LAF; 06/19/14 11:21 AM.
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    DD11 was a terrible sleeper from birth and all the things we tried sound a lot like all the things you tried. So I am hugely sympathetic and know how hard this is. I also understand how unsympathetic other people can be. So I hope you take my suggestion in the spirit of that sympathy and not as judgement.

    Children often love things that are not good for them (sugar!) or that may not be good for them at a certain time in their life. We do very little sheltering or censoring of DD in any way... except when we see an obvious correlation between something she's doing and some unpleasant result. That's why she's not allowed to watch Disney TV anymore. Because there was a direct correlation between the amount she watched and how bratty and smartmouthed she would then be.

    Recently she had a huge anxiety attack in the night. She was fearful because she was reading a ghost story before bed and after the lights went out her imagination ran away with her and she panicked. The story was fine in the daytime, but became too much after dark. And it didn't help that she'd been staying up very late several nights reading and then waking up cranky.

    The next night I didn't let her read after a certain time and insisted on lights out. She slept good and woke up happy. And we talked a bit about how sometimes we need to do the thing that's less fun (like not reading and going to bed early) to make ourselves happier... that what we want is not always what's best for us or what will actually make us happy in the end.

    If you believe the source of the night fears are the scary topics he learns during the day, then I would firmly restrict and redirect those interests to other areas for now. I suggest going cold turkey for a while -- no vampires, no toxins, no news in front of the kids. No scary shows or books or even game play. Stick to flowers and puppies and stories of kindness for a while (even if you all start to get cavities). See if it makes a difference.

    This may help you decide if the anxiety is source specific or more generalized, which could help you make treatment decisions down the road. It also focuses the effort and attention on the day time and not in the night (when emotions run high and no one is feeling rational or happy). It also seems like asking him to change his reading for a while is something he can actually do. Whereas asking a child not to be afraid isn't really a fair request.

    It could even be that you couple the change in mental source material with additional night nurturing. So he has to quit researching ebola (bummer!), but he gets to put a sleeping bag next to mom and dad's bed for a while.

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    I have a much younger cosleeping son, and he has sensory issues that prevent him from falling asleep if he isn't touching me. (As I type this on my iphone, he is draped across me asleep.) He has a double bed so that I can snuggle him until he falls asleep, then I slip away to spend time with my husband for a few hours in our room (just a few feet away) until DS wakes, at which point I rejoin DS.

    Have you ever tried snuggling to sleep as an extension of sitting with him? It's such a lovely, gentle way to ease an anxious/sensory child to sleep, and I know from personal experience that the cuddles are a wonderful way to reconnect after a busy day and build the emotional side of your relationship. The warmth, pressure from contact, and rhythm of your breathing...it helps drown out other sensory stimuli. A full body pillow and heated blanket can simulate that contact after you slip away. smile

    When I was your son's age, my dad used to wrap me up like a burrito and give me gentle head rubs until I (or he!) fell asleep, which I always loved.

    Another option might be to listen to some beautiful music or do a guided relaxation exercise together in your DS' room while snuggling. Aromatherapy--maybe doing a gentle hand or foot rub with lavender scented cream, or sprinkling some lavender oil on the pillowcase, might provide a sensory cue to relax.

    Another idea might be to create a "safe" sleep zone for your son in your bedroom, if you're comfortable with that, with a small separate mattress or sleeping bag--in a tent for added fun! (I can appreciate how many people might prefer to keep a master bedroom child-free, too.)

    ETA: As a final note, don't discount the value of tryptophan-rich foods as a way to prime your son for sleep. A zinc and magnesium supplement can also support sleep hormones and promote relaxation.


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    I also like Ivy's idea of a scary material purge as an experiment.


    What is to give light must endure burning.
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    LAF Offline OP
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    Ivy, we have purged scary things in the past but nothing really works to fix it - it just gets worse when he reads scary stuff. Even if everything is fine he won't go to sleep (or even stay in his bed) if we aren't in the room or in the hallway. If in the hallway he calls out to make sure we are still there. Aquinas he definitely would sleep better if he is touching me (and that's what he does when we are co-sleeping) but cuddling to sleep ends up with him waking the minute I move to go out. Substitutes not acceptable. Also, if we do that, then he starts staying awake because he is afraid the moment he closes his eyes that we will leave.

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    It depends how desperate you are. I stayed in bed because I was more afraid of my father than the images in my head. He was fine with the odd incident and sympathetic to nightmares but he wouldn't have tolerated fusses at bed time. When my grandmother babysat and there was no-one taking in the lounge I called out occasionally and asked if she could cough from time to time.

    Ds5 has trouble falling asleep but his room is off the lounge so I let him have the door part open an go in and give him a cuddle occasionally.

    I would stick with the purge. As an adult I simply don't read ir watch things that will cause nightime fears if I am in a sensitive period. And SSRIs do seem to prevent dreaming although it may be they just prevent the stress dreams that wake you up in a panic. I forgot to take mine for 5 days lately and started having dreams where my kids died.

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