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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181
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Based on these two comments, I have a question: BUT-- any processing step that occurs in someone else's kitchen, or around an allergen-- renders safe food unsafe. So yeah-- no offense to people in my life who have sometimes gone to extreme measures to try to feed my DD (new pans, buying new flour, etc.), but I know just how easy it is to make a mistake in a single microsecond of inattentiveness. Would having those people over to your house to prepare a dish for your DD in your kitchen, from your known-safe ingredients, and with your equipment satisfy their need to give her a food treat? Honestly? There are not that many people I trust enough to turn loose even in MY kitchen. I have pretty big control issues about my kitchen. Seriously.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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Joined: Dec 2012
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I think hunger has gone from being something normal to something to be immediately fixed. Maybe because it is one of the few things we can fix? And of course if you feel you need to fix hunger immediately you find yourself using unhealthy food.
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Joined: Apr 2010
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I don't trust most people with my life-- and neither does anyone else, really, when you stop and think about it. HK, the level of vigilance your family and especially DD must live with has to be so wearying. It makes her achievements-- and yours as her advocate-- even more impressive.
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Joined: Aug 2010
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Well, we do trust people to drive us and our kids around. Sorry. Devil's advocate. I realize it isn't the same, since generally, people know how to drive. At least kinda.
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Well, we do trust people to drive us and our kids around. Sorry. Devil's advocate. I realize it isn't the same, since generally, people know how to drive. At least kinda. Not the same because normal, adequate driving doesn't kill people, whereas their normal cooking might well kill HK's DD. It's the fact that other people have to do something really out of their ordinary that makes it so hard for them, and so unreliable for the allergic.
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Exactly-- and while I trust an airline pilot to be able to fly me to my destination on a commercial flight, and an anesthesiologist to be able to wake me right up at the end of a routine colonoscopy... I definitely don't trust my neighbor who is neither a pilot nor a physician to do either of those things.  Even if he were REALLY persuasive. Nahhhhh-- but it's just like a big lawnmower that flies, right? How hard can it be? I've watched a lot of movies about flying airplanes, and I know all about it...  There's a certain specialist skill set involved, if that makes sense. And while it might SEEM as though it should be easy to fly a 747, or monitor vitals with one hand on a digital regulator... and while sure, there are protocols to follow for both activities, it's just a LOT to ask someone to get right on the very first attempt. What is sad is that some people really can't understand that. I mean, I understand that my kitchen would be a nightmare for a person with a different food allergy-- we do a LOT of cooking from scratch, and some things are really everywhere in my kitchen. So I would make that crystal clear to another person (in fact, I do-- to friends with celiac, for example)-- I'm not pushing my food on them, but I'm open about what goes into what I've made (what goes in on purpose, anyway). No way could I make something truly free of all wheat contamination at this point. The difference is that I'm experienced enough to know better. Most people are not. In fact, the pushier people are, the less I trust them. DD had that one figured out when she was only five or six years old, in fact.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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Joined: Nov 2012
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Nahhhhh-- but it's just like a big lawnmower that flies, right? I assume you're referring to the scope, no?
What is to give light must endure burning.
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Joined: Nov 2012
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Based on these two comments, I have a question: BUT-- any processing step that occurs in someone else's kitchen, or around an allergen-- renders safe food unsafe. So yeah-- no offense to people in my life who have sometimes gone to extreme measures to try to feed my DD (new pans, buying new flour, etc.), but I know just how easy it is to make a mistake in a single microsecond of inattentiveness. Would having those people over to your house to prepare a dish for your DD in your kitchen, from your known-safe ingredients, and with your equipment satisfy their need to give her a food treat? Honestly? There are not that many people I trust enough to turn loose even in MY kitchen. I have pretty big control issues about my kitchen. Seriously. Fair enough. I can respect that.
What is to give light must endure burning.
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Well, we do trust people to drive us and our kids around. Sorry. Devil's advocate. I realize it isn't the same, since generally, people know how to drive. At least kinda. No, we don't, at least not willingly or without anxiety. I hate any of us being driven by someone who doesn't drive for a living, and avoid it when I reasonably can. DH and I both have licences but don't drive; in my case, this is because I realised I was always going to be aware of how much of a role luck was playing in our not having an accident. I don't think I was a particularly poor driver; just had inadequate illusory superiority in that domain. Quantitatively, those of you with highly allergic children may be running much higher risks when you trust other people with your children, but qualitatively, I'm guessing the feeling is fairly similar to how I feel when I see DS driven off by someone I don't think of as an excellent driver. Thinking that it may be like that but far worse... well, you have my deep sympathy, and I promise never to be offended when someone doesn't trust my food!
Email: my username, followed by 2, at google's mail
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We love to cook and love to eat. But as I always say when DD complains that she's hungry and dinner's a half an hour away: "It's not like there's a famine on."*
DDs life is like a rolling buffet, far beyond the bounds of what's logical or reasonable. Every week is some kind of celebration and the last week of school, it seemed like every one of her classes had some kind of unhealthy treat. Sporting events always involve an after game snack (lest the little darlings perish on the 15 minute drive home -- or to the nearest drive through. And every parent she comes into contact with seems to want to feed her. Any expression of hunger is greeted with a reaction of horror by adults in the vicinity.
A busy day starts to look like a Hobbit's meal plan: Breakfast, second breakfast, brunch...
A friend of DDs is pre-diabetic and needs to avoid refined flour and sugar, yet every place he goes he's confronted with temptation. And then we hand wring about childhood obesity.
While this trend probably explains the urge adults have to press food on every child within fork range, it has to be a nightmare for parents of allergic children.
If a child has extreme allergies, I'm happy to NOT feed them. I want the child and the parent to direct that conversation and experience.
* Of course I realize that in places there IS a famine going on and that even in the US some children go to bed hungry... which makes the context even more upsetting IMHO. Didn't want this to get lost in the shuffle-- love this observation. I have to think that most parents are simply not even aware of how often their kids are being fed by-- well, by pretty much everyone in their lives. I have an infamous line-- it's one that cracks people up, but it's also something that I recall actually asking with some wariness when my daughter was about four. "So-- and pardon me if this sounds peculiar to you-- will the children be having any snacks or anything while they are dissecting the OWL PELLETS??" Experience suggests, however, that as ludicrous as it seems, that was not a foolish or paranoid question. 
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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