Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What is going on with DS6?

If it is print size or book size a lot of people find a kindle or other dedicated e-reader helps. It really sounds like end of year syndrome though. A relaxed summer will probably sort it.

If that was intended for me, glasses did the trick.

Sometimes I'm so afraid of pushing that I don't realize when something is actually wrong.

Just noticed this got bumped up. He got over this particular issue. But there is some other odd stuff going on with him. Still avoiding chess, and seems to be having difficulty concentrating, which is unusual. Also unusually emotional. He has some mysterious medical stuff going on (a lab test came back extraordinarily high and the doctors are trying to figure out why) that is as yet undiagnosed.

This must be very scary for your entire family. I hope it's nothing serious and that it's something that can be quickly treated.

I hope things get better soon.

Your son is acting in uncharacteristic ways and displaying the following behaviors: Regressing, bursting into tears, and having difficulty concentrating.

Your post here, ultramarina, made me immediately think of one very uncomfortable possibility.

These behaviors are all typical of children who have been sexually abused.

What really alarms me is that you wrote:

�He is very good at chess and got a lot of attention for it last year, especially from coaches and other adults in his life. He began to see that he was unusually good at this thing. He has now retreated from chess.�

And:

�He chose not to attend chess camp after begging to go earlier in the year. This is very surprising coming from someone who used to eat/sleep/breathe chess.�

I am very concerned for your son. I am finishing my final year of doctoral studies in clinical psychology, and I have thousands of clinical hours working with children in various settings. Your son is showing classic signs, particularly in tandem with his sudden desire to avoid chess.

I hesitated to post this, because this is such an uncomfortable possibility. However, I felt I would be remiss to not say this to you.

I would be on alert for one of the adults connected to chess, who you reported in your original post had previously shown your son a lot of attention. Most importantly, I would urge you to take your son to a competent child psychologist to sort out the issue, whether it is indeed sexual abuse or not, and if so, who perpetrated it.

I think it is so important to follow-up on the reason for the tears. For me, tears come when I want to say something that I have noticed, but I know that someone will get hurt feelings or maybe somehow get in trouble if I say something, but I need to express what I am noticing and it is an internal conflict and the outward symptom is tears. To me it is a form of an expression of the anxiety we feel. There is a pressure to being so in tune with everything that is happening and with everyone around you. So, the tears might be an example of what experts may call our over-excitabilities, but it is a way we are showing that something is wrong. It is interesting to see how adults react to gifted over-excitabilities. That is one area that I fear that people surrounding gifted people don't understand. Maybe it makes an adult angry and they want the child to stop crying. Maybe it makes the adult panic if the tears come in public and they feel embarrassed. It could make the adult feel insecure that they cannot make the child happy. Some adults trivialize it and say the child is being silly. I would examine before (the crying) and after (the crying) to try to analyze the situation. I would listen very closely to what the child thinks was upsetting. I would try to see if listening intently to the child made the child feel better. I think it can be overwhelming for a highly intelligent child to be so smart. Being with loving parents allows them to just be a kid. When a really intelligent child is with 'average' kids they almost take on an adult role especially if the supervising adult is not managing the environment for the child. Your child probably picks up on every problem of every other child in the room they are in or on the playground. That can be very stressful. Stress can produce tears.

jdw, I take your concerns seriously. This is an issue we have always discussed with our children, but I think it is worth carefully broaching with DS.

I am concerned about DS generally. There does seem to be something going on with him. We continue to notice lack of concentration and perhaps a seeming loss of skills. However, I don't know if it is emotional or physical. We will be trying a course of one medication to see if it brings down the number that was way too high. We will then retest. It is also always possible that the test was spoiled. If not, he will be seeing an immunologist, GI specialist, and I am not even sure who else.

Ultra, sending all good wishes as you sort it out.

Ultra, that sounds scary and frustrating. I hope you are able to get it sorted out. Sending your ds lots of good wishes!

polarbear