Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy "I am way above average for a first grader."

Ds 7 has dropped this line into several conversations with adults in the past few weeks. He's right - but it still can come across as obnoxious. Any tips as to how to redirect him without making him feel as though he needs to hide his giftedness or feel ashamed of it? Signed, HG+ mom still in recovery from being called "The walking encyclcopedia" in 3rd grade.

Tell him that, in a matter-of-fact way, and ask him for different ways he might say that.

My son always surprises me with his intuitive understanding but if he doesn't know the social etiquette, he can't be blamed for not adhering to it. :-)

I tell my DS "smart is as smart does." People will know he is intelligent by his actions.

Maybe something more specific. As in I really like maths and am good at it. It sounds a bit less boastful or odd and still allows the person to ask further.

Is it just spice or is it in response to something?

Like Phineas in Phineas and Ferb...
Some random adult: "Aren't you a bit young to be building a nuclear sub?"
Phineas: "Yes, yes I am."

My son will sometimes say: "I'm age defying."

I tell him that people don't like to hear unsolicited bragging. And we've talked about from how it sounds to him if someone else does similar.

I pointed out such children to my DD when she was small-- though she had already noted that bragging in this way (especially unsolicited) made others feel resentful and that nothing good came of it, socially speaking.

We discussed that "for my age" is really not a reasonable benchmark when you are unusual, anyway. And besides, "I was the best reader in my kindergarten class" sure isn't something you hear teens or adults mentioning off-hand... wonder why that is...




I consider this kind of thing a good opening to teach about social nuances and how we portray our authentic selves to the world at large. Being "true" to that self can also mean being quiet-- if part of your identity is "a person that others find comfortable and pleasant to be with."

The fact that he has suddenly started saying this suggests that he has recently reached a new level of understanding about the differences between him and his age-peers. A comment like this could reflect his exploration of this difference, and perhaps an attempt by him to grapple with feeling incongruent.

The next time you hear this, there may be value in casually asking him why he said it. (Obviously, not in front of the recipient of the comment!) That might give you some insight into the direction you should go in discussing the social appropriateness of the comment.

We have frequent small conversations with our offspring about where the value of a human being lies, the diversity of giftings, appreciating others without artificially downplaying oneself, and how being blessed with any exceptional gift brings with it the proportional responsibility not only to use it for good, but also to be gracious to those less-gifted in that area.

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