Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional More trips to the principal

Today my son was sent to the principal because he told a boy he was going to cut his forehead off. (Sigh)

I have tried to tell the staff that our son says this stuff to try to be funny. He has a hard time communicating with same age peers. He doesn't know what to say to be funny that appropriate. Apparently he smiles at the teacher and she thinks he is being a smart you know what.

Our son does have those issues where his communication is quite a bit elevated from children his age. He isn't trying to be mean, he is trying to say something funny that is "age appropriate". He doesn't realize that making noises etc and pestering the other kids is making them mad. And apparently this is all happening during class time. He told me the particular incident happened after completing their book and he had his work already done. I think he is partially bored and filling his time with unconstructive activities.

He just asked me if I knew what it meant to "be left out". He said that he is left out and has no friends. I think the teacher spends her time trying to correct a behavior that is his way of trying to make friends and be funny.

I feel like no one understands my child.

We have no resources. None. And there apparently is no time to explain and talk with our son and the other children together. There is no time for teachable moments at school concerning social issues.

Have you ever tried social stories? Carol Grey has a website with some wonderful information. Also, you can sometimes find social skills groups that are helpful. Using social stories may help your son to learn what is appropriate in certain social situations. Often they are used for Children with ASD but I have seen them work for gifted children as well.

Talking seems to not do much. Especially since I or another adult is explaining. He understands when I explain them and when he is out of the social context. He needs other kids to practice with, which I can't provide.

Sorry to hear things are continuing not to go well..

Most children I know of with similar issues to those you are describing go to social training courses after school, maybe that is an option? Any threatening statements made in jest or otherwise would be treated very seriously at our schools.

Could you try requesting social skill training on his 504 plan?

HNZ, have you approached school about an IEP? (I remember there is back-story, I just don't recall what it was.)

The school should be evaluating your DS for social skills issues, and remediating those issues under an IEP. The intelligence of the child has no bearing on this need. These issues of social judgment get more serious if they're not addressed, especially if they can be perceived as threats to others.

IMO you should be documenting all of these incidents (in ink, with the date)-- and using them as evidence that your child needs specialized instruction in social communication.

We did not qualify for an IEP as our ds does not have academic issues. He is entitled to a 504 but no one seems to have any idea of what to put in the 504. The OT states he doesn't need any other help, so the school has never implemented any strategy suggested by the PT or developmental psych.

I asked a friend in special Ed and she said there aren't any autism or special social play groups in our area. I doubt our school has an social skills training they apparently aren't very adept at doing any type of extra help unless it deals with academics. I'm looking to see if I can connect with a homeschool group that we might be able to socialize with. If you run across any free downloadable stories I can use let me know.

I sent the school counselor a long email asking about social skills training and observing what is happening in the class. I have a very strong suspicion that the class is at times very unstructured and that ds is allowed to get into mischief when he completed his work. They need to give him concrete rules to follow, and extra activities to keep him busy. There would be less social problems if they just would give him some extra work or something constructive to do.

This is frequently misunderstood and/or misrepresented. An IEP covers not only academics, but also functional skills, including social skills. I do not have time to give you the full spiel on this, but go to wrightslaw.com and type "functional" in their search box.

If the child does not have the functional skills to succeed in the school environment, the school has an obligation to that child. They should be providing services to remediate those skills.


If they aren't currently equipped, that does not mean they are allowed to ignore the need. They can hire a Board Certified Behavior Analyst to come in and provide the service, at their expense.


Sure, But ultimately, he will need (with support) to build the skill of being OK with having free time, and knowing how to use that time well, and not getting into trouble with his words. IME, this will require direct instruction in those skills.

Is there anyone in the school competent enough to go into the classroom and observe his behavior, like a school psych? You could try asking for a functional behavior assessment. http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/discipl.fab.starin.htm
If someone goes in and watches him, they they can see for themselves what is triggering behaviors and you'd have a better idea of what to put in a 504 plan. Of course, if no one in the school is competent enough to do this (which would be the case in our school), it's pretty useless.