Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy giftedness and agreeable kids

While articles such as The Parenting and Education of Gifted Students by Jan Davidson Ph.D. are positive and informative regarding gifted traits and identification of the gifted, it is mentioned that "unchallenged bright students are at risk for frustration, depression, underachievement, and often give up on school as a place of learning" and that they may exhibit "an inability to concentrate on a task that is not intellectually challenging, including repetitious ideas or material presented in small pieces."

These traits are not describing malcontents, but are raising awareness of the unfortunate impacts of a learning environment which does not "fit". This information helps alert parents and teachers to signs and symptoms, and also offers suggestions on providing a stimulating, challenging, supportive learning environment.

Two more books which seem to understand very well and which many find supportive are What To Do When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough and Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good. While insightful, these are written gently for kids, in a style that is fun and engaging. Some parents pre-read books before giving them to their children, others prefer to read/discuss together with their children.

FWIW, your description of your daughter reminded me of this old Linda Silverman article about gifted girls being chameleons at school
http://www.jeffcogifted.org/images/jagc/pdfs/where_have_all_the_girls_gone.pdf

I was thinking maybe you could also have a friend or family member question your DD independently as well. A lot of children may also be parent pleasers and say what you want to hear. With others they be more forthcoming about their feelings and actual experiences as they are not taking your feelings into account. Sometimes pretend or puppet play can do this too, even if you're there, a lot of children will talk to the puppet and say their true feelings.

I was sitting here scratching my head, like, "How does she know what state I live in? There's gifted, and there's psychic..." HA! I assume you may think I live in Oregon but I don't. That's just the website where I found the list the school sent home. I'm in VA. :-)

I really appreciate all the replies. This is FANTASTIC. The recommendations on perfectionism seem really apt. I agree people-pleasing can hold people back. I'm a people-pleaser, too, to an extent, but I think DD got it on both sides, and she's more mellow than I am.


I also just wanted to clarify that I didn't mean "malcontents" disparagingly or anything. I just know as a kid I came home and told my parents, flat out, that school was boring because "they won't let me learn." That kind of thing made me easy to spot, giftedness-wise.

I agree, just because someone is acting happy at school doesn't mean she shouldn't be taught to her level. Not only the dissatisfied kids deserve a challenge...

This site needs a "like" button. :-)

I don't have personal experience either way, but I've certainly read of plenty of cases where precisely the opposite happens.

Ahhhh!

Wow, though-- not a good sign when other states are relying on (ahem) "Mississippi-o-the-north" for GT resources.

Sorry, but that is what locals to this coast call K through 12 education out here. For a lot of very good reasons, I might add. There is a smart cohort of kids in the system, but wowie, does that system ever fail them in myriad ways, while patting itself on the back that they're doing a great job. Well-- no. Actually, given the budget they work with, OR should look like MA. And boy, howdy it sure doesn't-- in any respect whatsoever (other than the distribution of white-collar parents and the basic demographics of families). A quick comparison to WA (which should look identical for a host of reasons) reveals just how hideous public education has become in Oregon over the past fifteen years. There are major structural problems, and most of them translate into problems for the classrooms, too. GT is one of the hardest-hit domains, sadly.

What I know of YOUR state, on the other hand, is all second-hand and while not nearly "rosy" it isn't quite as bleak as the picture in OR.

Oh...this comment intrigues me. Do tell!?

Again, not my direct experience, but from reading threads on this forum and elsewhere, I gather that in some schools, children who obediently do all the boring busywork correctly are favored (for access to advanced work) over those who refuse because it's to easy, or who made mistakes due to frustration/boredom. They are not given the chance to demonstrate more advanced skills, but instead must demonstrate compliance with non-advanced tasks. Another problem is that lack of exemplorary classroom conduct may disqualify one for access to advanced work. Instead, the imperfect classroom conduct is focussed on as a problem to be resolved before academics are considered.