Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Tiny free-range giftie

Okay, so here's a new problem in my life. DD6.0 is finally taking advantage of permission to go out into the neighborhood without me. (We live in a housing complex with its own playground and pedestrian paths between the buildings, very safe.) This is freaking out a few of the other parents, who still keep a closer eye on their children who are older than my DD.

To make matters worse, DD is tiny, barely 5th %ile for both height and weight, so people assume she's younger than she is. And on top of that, she simply is more mature and responsible that some other kids her age, so I am giving her more freedom than a parent might reasonably give a different kid.

DD is experiencing some of this blowback herself. The other day she got stopped by a couple of well-meaning adults who didn't know her, who were freaking out that she was lost, even though she explained to them that she wasn't lost.

Then there's the whole angle of parental guilt. Any time you let your child explore new freedoms, you're taking a risk. DD is very strong willed, she rides her scooter like a maniac, and I know for a fact that she will break some of the rules I'm setting for her, such as how far she's allowed to go. (I remember doing this myself as a child.)

Anyone else got experience with free-ranging your gifties?

My son is 5.8 and I still don't let him play alone even in our own fenced-in backyard. So would not let him play outside by himself either. Living in a housing complex would probably make me even more worried than living in a suburbian subdivision. I let my kids explore as much as possible, we even unschool so they get a lot of freedoms but this is not one of them. Being gifties seems to make them be even more at risk (in general). Their curiosity trumps their sense of caution. Probably won't let them be out alone until I feel they are ready to be home alone too. Right now I might leave them home alone for the one minute it takes me to go get mail from the mailbox but that's about it.

I don't think this is really a gifted issue since some of our kids are mature and others are less so. More of a general parental-philosophy/zeitgeist issue. However, it will probably help you that your daughter is presumably well-spoken, and it sounds like she is not shy. I would role play this stuff with her so she can explain confidently that she is not lost, it is okay with you that she is doing this, etc.

I live in a very safe neighborhood myself where one can walk to the playground without ever crossing a street. Many parents let their kids out to play around 8 or so, but the kids are usually so busy you never see them except holidays. I let my kids go out to play by themselves about that age, they really weren't interested when they were younger. I was certainly letting my son walk to the bus stop (3+ blocks) away on his own by 3rd grade. Now that my son is 15 he bikes 2 miles to school and back on his own.

Not sure what you can say to other parents, as parents have gotten a lot more paranoid about this issue over the past 30 years. If they are older perhaps having them remember what they did when they were kids. I walked by myself to school in 1st grade, 3/4 of a mile of suburban streets.

Yeah, I agree this is a parenting issue rather than one of giftedness. It might also be the city where you live. In my city, I wouldn't be comfortable with the scenario you describe-- and my kids are considerably older than your daughter.

We let ours free range where they don't have to cross streets and luckily the nearby families do same.
Feeling lucky right now.

I'm one of these paranoid parents. I grew up completely free-frange out in the sticks and had several near-death experiences before moving away to a different town at age 6 & 1/2:

1) was hit twice by a car while riding a bicycle
2) got buried in snow while walking back home
3) almost drowned
4) while playing hide and seek, fell on a broken bottle and nearly bled to death

Given that my DD may have inherited my propensity for getting into trouble, I'm keeping her within my sight for a long, long time.

Sorry - no experience but just wanted to point out that it may be a legal/social services issue in many areas today. Some local housing complexes have a policy of contacting the police if its personnel encounters a young unsupervised child. At least you appear to know the other parents so there should not be a risk of a neighbor calling social services. Again, not passing judgment (to each her own) but just wanted to shed some light on your responses.

I am lucky in that the ds who wants to "free range" which in olden days was "ride my bike" or "go outside and play" happens to be tall for is age and has always looked older. And I send them both out together many times. Younger ds gets bored easily so doesn't stay out for very long. Once around the neighborhood and he is back in.

It is a parenting issue. I raise my kids to be very independent and I am not a fearful parent, but I am a careful one. We live in a very safe neighborhood. Yet I would never let a 6yr old "free range" alone. I wouldn't let my 10yr old off alone. I would let my 10yr old and 8yr old walk together to a specific location. It does not have to do with the intelligence of the child but the circumstances and people they may encounter. A child can take a chance on the monkey bars and if no one is around, not be able to get help. Child predators love "safe" places. The place is probably safe because parents watch their children and they are looking for the one who doesn't. That is the reality of the world we live in. Letting a 6yr old wander off your property alone might have you end up with a visit from child services.