Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy GT school not enough for DS - what now?

Please keep us posted! Hope it goes well!

Try not to worry ahead of time - it may be a positive sign that the school has called a team meeting to address the issues of academic challenge as well as social development. Go in with an open mind, listen, and remember that you don't have to respond to everything (or anything) at that one meeting - keeping this in mind helped me a lot when advocating for my ds.

Being matter-of-fact is a good target, but sometimes tough to do. Can you take someone else with you who is less likely to react emotionally? It's always helped me to take my dh to IEP meetings because he is calm and rational through everything (sometimes he's also probably half asleep because he's so mellow).. but having that trusted calm person with me helps me regulate my own emotions a bit. I also plan and practice an "out" statement for me if I feel the emotions creep up to where it's going to be hard to speak without my voice cracking or me showing too much frustration - just something simple and matter-of-fact to put a halt to whatever is being discussed at the time and either move on to the next item on the agenda or postpone the meeting until a later date if necessary. Not sure if I've explained this well - and honestly, just having the statement/plan in mind has been all I've needed to help me stay non-emotional (outwardly) - I've never had to actually use my statement

Good luck with your meeting - let us know how it goes!

Best wishes,

polarbear

eta to change "ds" to "dh". I didn't take ds to IEP meetings when he was in elementary school... and he would not have been either mellow, non-emotional, or asleep. I am thinking my ds would have been completely freaked out and petrified by some of the things that were said in those meetings! Sorry about the typo

+1 to everything pb said.

As a quick checklist and refresher, here's a link to another post which summarizes meeting prep... http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....ocating_and_a_big_meetin.html#Post182175

Thanks - that is a good list!

polarbear - I didn't see it before you changed it but yes, I would imagine my DS would not like going to that meeting LOL I am taking my DH but as usual, I expect to do most of the talking as I am the one who has spent the most time reading/researching/going to appointments. Plus, that is just my nature to be in control It's the bane of my existence sometimes!

I know a lot of people have recommended this book on various boards, but From Emotions to Advocacy really helped me with keeping my emotions in check during these meetings. I feel much more comfortable with my role as advocate having read that book. I found that I was able to get through it relatively quickly.

I do have that book on Kindle but haven't finished it yet. I tend to have about 10 things I want to read at the same time and never finish any of them.

I just wanted to report back on the meeting last week. Overall it went pretty well. It was pretty informal with the teacher, assistant principal and a school psychologist (who has never met DS). It felt a little rushed but otherwise, not many complaints.

Both my husband and I were impressed with how well the teacher was able to describe the issues with my son. The AP even knows him some as she said she talks to him all the time at lunch about the books he is reading. She went on about how she just loves DS and he talks like a little adult. She said he often reads by himself at lunch and doesn't socialize with the other kids. I frankly don't see that much as a problem but you know, most people think it is He just really loves to read. He is quite extroverted and gets along with other kids but he does have some issues with social skills and reading social cues, which was one of their primary concerns - also impulsive, impatient, has his own agenda, doesn't self-regulate very well, etc.

So for the rest of the year they are going to try a social skills meeting at lunch time with the guidance counselor. The teacher also has some checklists to help him regulate his work to make sure he is completing things. I requested one of those disks to sit on for the sensory stuff. I guess the math has been addressed at the class level. We didn't really get into talking much about the academic part - the teacher did say that he self differentiates quite often in class (making powerpoints, reading adult level books, etc.) and encourages him when appropriate.

So we'll see how it goes but overall I've been impressed with the school and the district and how much they seem to care about gifted ed. This is our first year in the public system and I have been bracing myself to duke it out if necessary but so far, I haven't had to. But, he's only in second grade so lots of adventures ahead, I'm sure.

Any good recommendations for learning social skills? We try to explain things to him as they come up but he would probably enjoy reading something.

Our LEP recommended Michelle Garcia Winner's books for social skills. We bought one for DS to read (You are a Social Detective), but DS did not seem to get much out of it, even when we had discussions about the content. It is in the form of a comic drawn similar to Simpsons. She does have several other books which have good (but not many) reviews on Amazon, though.

Bronalex - You did well in the meeting. I tend to hate those too and do all the talking while DH sits until the end and might say something.

Social/emotional skills. I can say that within the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to directly address them and ds8 has been turning a corner. Remember, I've got the ds8 who had severe SPD, visual processing deficits, and other 'fun' stuff.

I do believe some of the lag or delays with social/emotional are time, maturity, and brain maturation issues. Saying that, it doesn't hurt to prompt these kids. Also focus on the positive and give positive reinforcement. Try to dismiss or make it light if ds doesn't do something (usually annoying or forgetful like not flush the toilet). Once ds does something that's more 'big' boy, point it out and say something like - oh, I noticed you did X, that's 'big' boy stuff. How does that make you feel? Oh, I notice that you didn't have a meltdown like you normally do over Y, that's 'big' boy stuff. I know it must have been frustrating, annoying, or whatever - but you held it together.

I've been addressing the anxiety, inattention, sensory, etc. - by asking tons of questions to ds. I ask if X makes me glad, mad, sad - or it makes ds glad, mad, or sad. Do you like being glad, mad, sad or feeling bad about yourself? IF you don't like feeling bad about yourself, then what can you do? How can you be happy? What can you do? Sit there and wallow or do something?

Try using a scale. Is this a 1 incident and doesn't need a 5/10 response? Talk about how a 4 incident may make someone feel angry, frustrated, etc. but there are options to avert a 10 response! Try to point out when ds is overreacting. Ask if it's increasing his anxiety or decreasing it/helping the situation or making it worse. You can use thumbs here to gesture up/down.

With social interactions. I've been pointing out that if ds acts like a 'little' boy then a friend who is 10 yrs old and more of 'big' boy may not want to play or be friends with him. With other kids who are acting immature and ds8 has a wobble, I ask him what he didn't like, how it made him feel, and how the other child may be acting like a 'little' kid.

So in other words, I try to help ds understand that he's in control of his behavior and how he reacts to situations. I've been using the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne.