Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy peer tutoring -- uncomfortable spot

Got an email this morning from another parent in the class.

DD is in a split 4/5 gifted class. She is in 4 but can log on and do her CTY math online during math class, so she ahead.

One of the girls in grade 5 struggles with math. Apparently she asked DD to help her since she has to redo the test (like no child left behind, they can redo is the score is bad). The email asked if DD could provide peer tutoring to her child.
One, I feel this is a huge responsibility for a 9 yo. And DD is short on time.
I responded, allowing for one time, that I would be there and could assist in the tutoring since I felt that helping a child that struggles more in math to have a different tangent in presentation. Since I did some of that when I was in college and teaching high school student that struggled in math.
After I sent the email offering one day next week, the only day DD had available, I felt a little off put.
Advice?

How does your daughter feel about this?

Her first response was feeling cool and flattered that she was asked. But she is 9. I remember a kid in high school approached me in the library. She was really struggling in math. I wanted to help and spent my free period helping her to understand something basic. She was on the non university math track which led to fraction rules in grade 12. It was satisfying that I helped her but I really did not want to spend my future free periods doing this. And it was a struggle. She had a hard time with any concepts let alone math.
I think DD is thinking that they spend a few minutes on math and then have a playdate. She doesn't quite get how a kid doesn't get math.

It's a hard one-- if my child were struggling in math or another core subject, I would be investing in tutoring center and spending extra time helping at home. Peer to peer is nice in that it can help with empathy, but it's a huge responsibility, and a child's learning time should not be taken with tutoring other students (my opinion).

Also, my DS is younger and intense. I would worry that he would start to become frustrated and eventually say something impatient to a struggling child. He's a nice kid and generally patient, but does not have adult reactions and adult empathy.

Totally. I would either help my child or get a tutor.

If my son agreed to help another child, I would help to coordinate that happening. I would also talk to him about reasonable levels of expectation so that he doesn't paint himself into a semi-permanent position along with a little reminder about patience.

Highly dependent upon personality I'd say-- my DD loves helping other kids, and even at 9-10, she was thrilled to do this with her friends and classmates.

BUT-- she had the free time to burn, and she enjoyed it, and she has the right temperment for it. Not all people do.


Personally, I think it's been good for her to see what genuine struggle with a subject looks like, since she has major perfectionism issues and often incorrectly conflates growth with "struggle" herself.

With all of that said, though, she didn't start seriously tutoring math until she was 12 or so.

Teaching someone who is just not getting it is. Very. Frustrating. A 9yo, especially one with emotional intensity, is likely to cause as much harm as help because of their emotional reactions. It takes maturity.

Also, it's 4/5th grade math. It's a black/white, right/wrong subject. That naturally lends itself to a different mindset that is less tolerant of mistakes. My DW recently pointed out what a sharp difference she notices when I work with my DD9 on math (DD's favorite) versus any other subject. Math is the only one where DD has occasional meltdowns.

So I'd say you can tell the other parent that you don't think it's a good idea because your DD's maturity level may not be at the level necessary to maintain her patience and understanding, and exposure to that might actually harm the other child.

They are trying to get (exploit) your kid to do it for free instead of paying someone.

That said, you arranged one meeting so go with that one, but no more. If they suddenly understand everything then no more tutoring is needed, and if not, then they really need to go to a professional.

I would go ahead and go in for the one session you've promised, and use that session to get an idea of where the other student is at, then let the teacher know that the other parent had asked your dd for help. If I were you, I'd drop my involvement at that point, and also my child's. I can't imagine any of my kids (all of whom have wildly different personalities) wanting to be in the position of actually tutoring at 9 years old. If the other student needs tutoring, she needs to be getting it from either an adult or a high school student.

Several posters mentioned that the student's parent should help - I have no way of knowing (and I doubt wren knows either unles she knows the parent) if the parent is simply trying to get easy, free help and is shirking their own responsibilities, or if the parent genuinely doesn't understand how to help their child with the math. Making the teacher aware of the request allows the teacher to address the situation - in any number of ways, depending on the child and parents' abilities. It might be as simple as the teacher giving the student extra help, or finding help for the student within the school, or making a recommendation for a specific outside school tutoring group.

If you do this, you've extended your help, let your dd help, and you've passed along the info to a logical next-step person who should be able to help set up the student for ongoing help.

polarbear