DD simply has a rather oppositional/contrarian streak in her personality, and no amount of loving/careful parenting is enough to negate that fact.
They really are just all a bit different from one another.
This is my greatest challenge as a parent, actually-- it's not really a desire for autonomy, even, more of a power struggle that is ongoing and continuous, and began when my (very well-attached) DD was about a year old. My devotion and love for her creates a bedrock that allows her to build this kind of experimental space atop it-- and (unfortunately for me) this is her interpersonal test lab. {sigh}
This sounds eerily familiar. With DD, what I encounter seems deeply rooted in temperament. She is a very CURIOUS child and I indeed seem to be her "test lab." When an issue is not up for debate, I am actually much firmer with my DD than I am with my younger DS, because of their different temperaments. If I show any sign of "weakness" in my discussions with her, she will take this as a signal that an issue is up for debate (if you give her an inch...). DS has been raised almost the same way as DD and simply does not question authority the way DD does - they are wired completely differently this way. DD simply has a much stronger drive to have things go exactly her way. She sees no need to do things as others have (or as they have suggested) - she has her own "vision." It can be extremely difficult to divert her from that. She is NOT a follower. But, unfortunately, she doesn't always appreciate being led (which is, obviously, sometimes necessary).
Overall, I feel as though I need to be much "stronger" with DD to enforce my point than I'd like to be. Sometimes, explaining "why" a rule is necessary just leads her to then conclude that it must then be negotiable. Still, we have had lengthy discussions about "why" various rules exist when not in the heat of the moment. Sometimes, though, less talk is better.
So interesting to hear the experiences of others - thank you!
