Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy G support negative towards PG differentiated path

My husband and I were delightfully overwhelmed when our son was RIAS tested with a composite score of 150, Verbal 119, Non-Verbal >165. The psychologist wanted to point out to me how unusual our son was, saying that he was clearly not approaching his limit on Non-Verbal and that he was so fast that she thought he was guessing, until she realized he was correct each time. Anyway, I only make these points because I'm trying to explain how I see a future stretching out in front of him that could be really fantastic or really painful, depending on the environment.

He just turned 5 last week, which still pains me to think of my baby growing up so fast. But I digress. He's spectacular - well adjusted, loving, curious, cautious, and as far as I can tell sprinkled with fairy dust. Sure, I may be biased, but what Mama isn't?

He's been thriving in a Montessori environment from the age of 2, where he started 2 days a week. The student population at this school appears to be 95% G, with a smattering of PG, according to the staff. School is two year olds through 5th grade, with a total of something like 4 kids in grades 3-5. The majority of students are in the 2s class and 3-6 year old class.

One downside I see is that he hasn't mastered his letters yet, while most of his peers are reading. I have been remiss in not going over basic school work, but have already started correcting this oversight myself. He has very little natural interest in reading and prefers to be read to. We read for 30-45 minutes every night and he loves this special time.

His vocabulary is lacking compared to his peers in school, and is not terribly verbose in general. He's been a serious, introspective thinker from birth. On that note, I didn't speak until after I was 2, and my husband and I both completely left brained engineering types, so he doesn't hear tons of dialog at home that other children would - day to day chatter is just nominal in our household.

I talked with one gifted specialist at a perspective new school who predicted that if retested post-reading, his verbal score will shoot up. It would only raise the stakes for us as parents, as far as I can tell. I doubt this will happen, as his parents also lack strength and skill in Verbal.

So, background established, enter present challenge. I've been reading about the DYS program, learning about the Davidson Academy, exploring educational options here in St Petersburg, FL, USA and have been slapped with some fairly surprising responses from what has been my support network thus far for my son. Educators at the current school seem to think PG is not a big deal, and that what is most important is to do what I think is best for him, no matter what his score may be. They say that the path I picked out prior to testing is the path to take. That sounds great, except that I'm not terribly educated on what to do with a PG kid. I picked out a great path for a G kid.

Extended family has adamantly stated that there is no way they would support our family moving to Reno to go the Davidson Academy, and others I have consulted with have said things like 'don't you want to give him a childhood?'

Only my mother who has special education in gifted children studies seems to understand what I've learned, which is that PG and G are about as different as G and mentally handicapped. Still, she is unabashedly aggressive about making sure we stay 'local' (several hour commute), and think that chasing a better educational program would tax her grandchildren by way of no extended family while growing up.

Family has individually and collectively said that if he needs that school in Reno, I should make one here, or home school. I actually put out feelers to see what would be involved in building our own PG school, but am already of a mind that I can't do this completely alone, which is what it sounds like from the responses. Responses have been negative, and I've been told by several in our network that 'I've gone off the deep end.'

On a last note, we live in our present location without deep roots. My husband works from home for himself, I am a stay at home mom for the time being, and family who used to live close by has all moved to be no closer than 45 minutes away. We see them sometimes, but not often. I find it hard to hear from them that they couldn't bear for us to leave, since they see our children so infrequently now.

So I see a few choices in our immediate future and near future. Do we move to a new 'A' school with a great gifted teacher advocate for K, go to an all G public school for grades 1-5, and then uproot our family and head to Reno? Are there elementary schools in Reno that are so well accustomed to PG that we need only uproot a few years ahead of schedule?

Alternatively, do we make do with what we have here and supplement his education from home, i.e. never move to attend the Davidson Academy?

Have I gone off the deep end?

Lots of question from a scattered mind this morning. I'm sorry for the long post, but just didn't see how to cut it down and still present my dilemma. Thank you for enduring this post.

First - TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

Nothing has magically changed since you got his RIAS scores. He's the exact same child. I certainly wouldn't begin to plan uprooting your family over this.

Does your child enjoy his current school? Is he having behavior problems of any sort?

Honestly, I don't want this to come out wrong, but he can't even read yet, I'd slow way down on the planning side of things. Personally, I'd continue where he is, unless there's some issue you didn't mention here, and plan on having him re-tested around age 6.

Do you have just the one DS? I'm asking because the fact that my PG DD(8) has a younger brother (4) has complicated our school choices.

I'm pretty sure the Davidson academy doesn't do elementary, so you may be ahead of your self. But in any case, I would be inclined to stick with the Montessori and see how it goes over the next couple years before uprooting. Unless you really just hate Florida and want to make a change, then maybe? But if you feel like the school is a good choice for him now, then they may well be able to handle his needs for some time.

Others may have more experience with or knowledge about the RAIS test, but given the spread of the scores, I would want to test again with a one of the longer, more standard IQ tests. My DD also had a huge gap between verbal and non-verbal on the RAIS and I was really concerned because a big gap could indicate a hidden learning disability; so we re-tested the the WISC with a tester who had experience with 2E kids, to make sure we had all our ducks in a row. FWIW the gap was not repeated on the WISC and her scores in both areas were higher than on the RAIS.

Take a deep breath. You do not have to plan his entire education now. Even if you do it is pretty much guaranteed he won't follow your plan. If he is happy and learning be grateful and wait until his needs change.

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I do need to take a deep breath and slow down. Point taken.

I'm trying to make sure that the choices our family makes during these early years - especially given our general flexibility - ensure that he stays happy and well adjusted. There appears to be a fine line between being proactive and being a spaz. With so much to learn, I'm no doubt tipping over into the spaz department.

What was not stated very clearly in my original post is that he is completing Pre-K now and is not enrolled at this school next year. We had a plan to migrate him to public school once he was eligible, assuming they had adequate services for gifted, which they do. He has been accepted at our first pick public school, which is great. There is no allowance for changing our minds now either, as his current school is full for next year and already has a long wait list. Change is imminent.

Also, I am aware that the Davidson Academy starts in Middle School. However, it occurred to me that people who reside in Reno with children attending the academy likely have PG younger siblings. Where do these siblings go? Is there already a concentration of younger PGs in Reno with a less advertised public school program that is successfully meeting their needs? If so, this might be worth uprooting for early.

Epoh:
Does your child enjoy his current school? Yes, very much.
Is he having behavior problems of any sort? No. None.

Augilia:
Do you have just the one DS? No, we have a DD1 as well.
Unless you really just hate Florida and want to make a change, then maybe? Frankly, we dislike our city but found that other G options in the surrounding areas were far less promising. So we are here for the education, and general proximity to family.

Thanks again for the thoughtful replies. It is a tremendous help being here and being able to talk about the future.

I hear you on being concerned about meeting the academic needs of a PG kid. It is a daunting thing to think about because it might be ok where he is now… or it might not be. It will need to be assessed more often as to if he is happy and thriving where he is now, or not.

The good thing is that you have a subject to work on that will be a challenge for him with the reading/verbal. That is a wonderful place to start and find a way to encourage his development there.

Kids are so very uneven at that age about reading. I work with some gifted kids in my homegrown LEGO League (FLL JR) class, but my DS6 is the only one able to read well. He can read just about anything. That class has helped me immensely with verbal skills too because I am not one to talk much either. Every kids has to present their ideas, so it's a very practical way to learn. I can't say enough good things about that class in terms of creativity and a great way to get smart kids together to do something fun.

I am so like you in that I wanted to just move to Reno right away. It's super cheap to live there! We are prepared to uproot everyone to meet our DS needs. We do have a DD4 as well who is likely G, but I'm not sure if she's PG.

We applied to new private schools for next fall and are getting more familiar with homeschooling as that might be our only option next year. I can't let him continue to be where he is at now because it is a terrible fit. Depression, anxiety and boredom are taking their toll. That is not happiness. Happiness is the most important thing you can aim for.

Some people have great classes that help their kids and if your school is providing challenge to your son and he is happy there, you are in a wonderful place. Let him grow a little bit and address problems as they become problems. If it's not a good fit now, then certainly start planning ahead. I'd just slow down and plan for next year. Take it year by year. Kids change so much in a year.

PG likely means having it easy in school without having to try too hard. You just have to find a meaningful challenges for him. They probably won't even be academic. It could be learning to swim, ride bikes, martial arts, music or make something. On the flips-side, encourage what he's good at too. Find a way to challenge him there by seeing how far he can go. You'll find that sweet spot of learning when he doesn't get all the answers right all the time.

Good luck! I know how overwhelming it can seem at first! You aren't going off the deep-end. It's good to take this seriously and it shows that you are a committed parent. Just realize this is a process. There isn't an "end" even if you think you have everything all mapped out. Maybe he takes up gardening and loves botany more than anything - just saying, you just don't know what's next

Test - will this iteration post?

Thank you for your post, QueenCobra. It was very uplifting and thoughtful. I'm glad to hear of another Mama ready to relocate upon learning about this little Utopia.


I love this! What a great idea. I love how you used Legos with your son to build verbal skills in a social environment. Do you have any packaged info you could send my way?

Your comment about an 'end' was great too. Very insightful. Still, I'll never be able to *not* plan out where his education will take place, just like I can't not plan and map for the rest of lifes eventualities. I'm a planner to the core.

Hm, I responded to earlier posters questions but it has yet to post.

Epoh:
Does your child enjoy his current school? Yes, very much.
Is he having behavior problems of any sort? No. None.

Augilia:
Do you have just the one DS? No, we have a DD1 as well.
Unless you really just hate Florida and want to make a change, then maybe? Frankly, we dislike our city but found that other G options in the surrounding areas were far less promising. So we are here for the education, and general proximity to family.

Something I ought to have explained in the original post is that DS5 is in Pre-K now, and his current school, though wonderful, is private. We had always planned to migrate to a public school when he became eligible. We have gotten in to our first choice school, which is great, but received test scores after we made the decision. His current Montessori school cannot take him next year - they are full with a long wait list. Had I to do it all over again, I would keep him there. Long story short, change is going to happen, no matter what.

The fact that you have to change makes all the difference. You do have choices though - but maybe that just makes it harder. I always have this moment of great envy when you guys go on about PS vs charter vs gifted school etc since our choice is several almost identical public schools and home schoolwhich isn't viable. Then I imagine having to make such a decision and my head hurts. It is a awfully big decision.

IS your daughter younger or older? If you end up with two pg kids and don't feel strongly about where you live now Reno might be nice.