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    PanzerAzelSaturn
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    Once again, thank you everyone. After reading all of this and thinking a lot I've decided to look right away for some place for him to finish the year and work very hard to find something right for him next year.

    I specifically chose Montessori to avoid the play based stuff because I was sure in a room full of toys and kids he would be lost. His play skills aren't very good and I thought all of the learning material at his school would really appeal to him. And it has, he just can't use it as he hasn't had lessons on it yet. I was also worried that in a play based environment he would just do non functional stuff in his own space and not really get anything out of it socially or academically.

    I'm definitely going to look into a preschool like you used DeeDee. My son does have an IEP, which at this point has gotten so huge the print is now bible sized, lol. The IU has flat out refused any IU preschool placement for him as they don't have the right fit. I guess since preschool is not officially a required grade they don't have to provide anything? They basically said find a local preschool and we will see him there. They also said that all the behavior problems usually disappear when Mom is out of the room. That worked out well obviously.

    We have not had any success getting any ABA therapy. We have been told that he is too high functioning to need it. Wraparound was so hard to get to begin with and I think that they think it's ridiculous that I think my son needs services. Not his therapists themselves, the doc who does the recommendations and evaluations.

    My son looks pretty normal in a 30 minute observation. In fact I think that most people who work with him doubt his diagnosis. I don't think there is a lot of experience with highly verbal borderline kids. During his initial evaluations he scored right at the cutoff on everything, on the autism side on half and on the NT side on the other half. Even I have trouble figuring him out sometimes. He can tell us all about level planes and angles needed to build elaborate structures, but he rarely even asks for food when he is hungry.

    As his mom I just want to see him happy and successful at whatever he chooses to do. Thank you all so much for your insight and advice, it's great to be able to talk to others who have already been through this rather than just "experts."

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    Our district has integrated preschools--about half the kids were on IEPs, and half were "regular" kids from the community. It was hard to tell who the "special ed" kids were, most of them seemed borderline. The more severely impaired kids were not in these integrated classrooms, for the most part. The big difference between them and "regular" preschools was the fact that the integrated classrooms had a lot more staff, like aides/paraprofessionals/special ed teachers. So that they could work with kids on the goals in the IEPs.

    I hear what you're saying on play-based preschools, I think what you need is something that is highly structured, but does not force academics that are way too easy for a large part of the time. So if the preschool has learning centers with something that even an advanced child could enjoy, that would probably work well. The integrated preschools that my kids were in had a mandatory parent day where where parents were supposed to stay with their child and do the centers with them, sit with their child in circle time, etc. I think that helped the kids (even the typical ones) learn what was expected of them.

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    Hi, (just my opinion) but I say always follow your instincts and trust your gut. Don't worry about whether the child is officially labeled gifted or not, proceed working on your areas of concern -- asynchronous development, how to balance everything. It never hurts to do what is best for you as a family. It's important to have a happy home. The child is very young but your early intervention since you are concerned is helpful no matter what. Anytime (at any school) I did not want to drop our child in the care of a school, we did some version of home-schooling that worked for us until we felt that our child would be a good fit for the school. For us, the goal is not the school, it is the life after school. Remember many famous, successful, talented people have dropped out of the most prestigious schools to pursue their dreams, passions, talents, and gifts. The schools are supposed to help the people.

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    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    The IU has flat out refused any IU preschool placement for him as they don't have the right fit. I guess since preschool is not officially a required grade they don't have to provide anything?

    My understanding of IDEA is that your son's right to FAPE under IDEA started when he turned 3.

    Quote
    Public agencies that do not have an inclusive public preschool that can provide all the appropriate services and supports must explore alternative methods to ensure that the LRE requirements are met. Examples of such alternative methods might include placement options in private preschool programs or other community-based settings. Paying for the placement of qualified preschool children with disabilities in a private preschool with children without disabilities is one, but not the only, option available to public agencies to meet the LRE requirements. We believe the regulations should allow public agencies to choose an appropriate option to meet the LRE requirements. However, if a public agency determines that placement in a private preschool program is necessary as a means of providing special education and related services to a child with a disability, the program must be at no cost to the parent of the child.

    Emphasis mine, quote taken from http://www.dkattorneys.com/publications.cfm?id=191

    In other words, not having an appropriate placement for your DS is their problem to fix, not yours.

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    Montessori is very strict on things being done the right way every time. It does not suit all kids. If he was only asked to count 30 objects then he will only be recorded as able to count 30 objects.

    I would just keep him home and go to activities where you will be present to support and guide him.

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    Originally Posted by Mana
    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    The IU has flat out refused any IU preschool placement for him as they don't have the right fit. I guess since preschool is not officially a required grade they don't have to provide anything?

    My understanding of IDEA is that your son's right to FAPE under IDEA started when he turned 3.

    Mana is correct. As a child with a disability served under an IEP, they have a FAPE obligation. It is for the whole team, including parents, to determine what's appropriate (not the IU unilaterally). But once that determination is made, the child has a right to that appropriate education.

    Have you gone back to the IU with your concerns?

    DeeDee

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    I do not know where you are located but have you looked into joining CARD, center for autism and related disorders? My CARD rep. has been a life saver over the last three years.
    Also verbal behavior when done correctly can help any child no matter where they fall on the spectrum.

    Last edited by maisey; 02/27/14 06:34 AM.
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    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    His play skills aren't very good and I thought all of the learning material at his school would really appeal to him.

    That's a fairly standard problem for a child with ASD. They don't necessarily play with toys OR peers, and they may just wander around a classroom in frustration.

    We taught DS11 play skills as part of his ABA therapy. It helped quite a bit.

    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    I was also worried that in a play based environment he would just do non functional stuff in his own space and not really get anything out of it socially or academically.

    Seems very likely to me. It's great that you have the dx in hand now because it means you can target skill-building-- but much has to be actively taught and supported for preschool to be successful for a child with ASD. You can't assume they are going to pick up social skills or school-behavior skills from their environment.

    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    The IU has flat out refused any IU preschool placement for him as they don't have the right fit. I guess since preschool is not officially a required grade they don't have to provide anything?

    See Mana's and my previous posts. They owe him a Free, Appropriate Public Education. From the age of 3. Do not let them tell you otherwise!

    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    They also said that all the behavior problems usually disappear when Mom is out of the room. That worked out well obviously.

    Either they are ill-informed, or they are hoping you'll go away. You may have to be tenacious to get this done.

    Originally Posted by PanzerAzelSaturn
    We have not had any success getting any ABA therapy. We have been told that he is too high functioning to need it.

    If there are issues of aggression, poor play skills, etc. then he's not too high functioning to need it. "Functioning" is essentially a label for IQ, but it has nothing to do with how disabled a person is by their autism. My DS11 has a very high IQ, and is highly verbal, but he is also quite disabled by his autism and has really benefited from direct teaching of skills through ABA.

    The nice thing about ABA is that it's individualized. Our team quickly learned that DS did not need some of their standard stuff-- and he DID need some stuff they weren't used to teaching-- but their strategies could be adapted to teach DS precisely the things he needed. We still use them to shape behavior now, at age 11.

    Those early years are a really good time to build skills, because you'll never have this much control over his time again (unless you homeschool, which isn't the only way to get the job done). I'd go back to the IU, call an IEP meeting, and press for an appropriate placement as well as services.

    What state you are in matters, too. In some states there are state-run scholarship programs that fund private school placements for kids with autism where there isn't something appropriate in the local district. A local parent support or advocacy group can probably advise you about what's working well for other families.

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    PanzerAzelSaturn
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    Hi, thanks again everyone. We are in bucks county, PA. Our IU is 45 minutes away. How do I get ABA? Who is supposed to offer it? Everyone seems to tell us to go everywhere else for everything. What I'd like the most is for someone to come into our home and teach him to play with his toys here and then add one of his playmates and teach them to play together. I try to teach him whenever possible, but he's not very cooperative and I'm honestly very busy trying to clean up after him and take care of everything and I'm often too tired to put a lot of energy into one sided pretend play on the floor. Right now because I'm not directing him and typing on my phone he's grabbing everything nearby and stacking it on me. While I clean that up he will probably run up and down the hall counting or go make another pile in another room. The only thing he wants to do with me is his preferred stuff. I have to take away his workbooks to get him to try anything new, like playing doctor, which he will do while crying trying to earn back his workbooks. I want play to be fun!

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    You could start here. See if they can help you.The Bucks County Autism Support Coalition.

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