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    Joined: Feb 2011
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    YES!!

    Further, I think that it ignores the reality that different children need different 'ideal' parenting to start with.

    Benign neglect actually is "ideal" for some kids. Just as fairly involved parenting is right for others.



    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    It's very interesting to have a child that requires so much less involvement than her sisters. She still requires buckets of attention, she's an extremely extroverted 3yr old with the skills to vocalize every single thought that she has, so of course she does. But she does not require extreme measures of baby proofing (only the middle child needed that), or constant guidance towards appropriate behaviour, etc. She's extremely talkative, she has major food issues, but she's otherwise so easy compared to her sisters. Has common sense (reasonable fear of dangerous situations), learns from her mistakes (except with the dog)... The three of them each have quite different needs but #3 is most different.

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    LOVE THIS!! Thanks for sharing. Sharing with all my fellow parents and teachers . . .

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    In his recent weekly digest recap of daily posts, Tim Elmore shares two booklists:

    1) "12 Must Read Leadership Books for Young Adults" is the featured post dated January 22, 2014 (link-
    http://growingleaders.com/blog/must-read-leadership-books-young-adults/)

    2) "My Favorite Books of 2013" is his post from Monday January 20, 2014 (link- http://growingleaders.com/blog/favorite-books-2013/) Two of his favorite books of 2013 have recently been mentioned on the gifted forums: The Price of Privilege and How College Affects Students. Possibly as we read Mr. Elmore's thoughts, he is also reading ours?

    Thank you, Mr. Elmore, for your thought-provoking and insightful work which helps parents in "Growing Leaders".

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    I have done something wonderful for my kids by accident. Two of my preemie twins have bladder reflux. A trip to a discount store entailed at least ten bathroom breaks between the two of them and their respective twin also needing to go the normal one time. My husband and I got so tired of carting four kids into a stall that we started scouting out places we could go with visible bathrooms and letting them go alone. They started going to public restrooms unattended at age four (mind you, I could see the door in and out of the restroom and the building at these places). One little twin whose very confident started at age 3. My kids were unaware I could see them, and an issue that could cause a decrease in confidence (constant urination and our frustration over it) instead became something that caused their confidence to soar. Now when they are six and seven, I find myself appalled to see adults attending a restroom with their eight and nine year old emotionally and intellectually healthy child. Aside from that, I have been too overwhelmed much of the time to hover, and that's a blessing since I have OCD and was gifted myself, so I could easily fixate and helicopter them.

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    Originally Posted by Twinkiestwice
    eight and nine year old emotionally and intellectually healthy child.

    Well since you can clearly tell by glancing at the child that you don't know at all that he/she is "emotionally and intellectually healthy" perhaps their parent is actually doing something okay after all? One of my pet peeves - making judgments on whether or not a child that you do not even know and look at for a mere few minutes is "emotionally and intellectually healthy" and making judgments as to what that child's needs are. Someone could see me writing/scribing for my child and be appalled - you can't tell by looking at him that he has EDS and dysgraphia. Just something to keep in mind about being "appalled" smile

    Last edited by Irena; 01/25/14 11:06 AM.
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    Also a child that looks 8 or 9 may actually only be 6. My kids are very small (eg my 8 year old is 6 year old clothes and my almost 5 year old is barely in 3T) However it seems like many children run big! So, my 4 1/2 year old has friends who are just about as big as 7 year old! Regardless of how big my rather small four year old appears physically I am not letting him go to a public bathroom by himself. So far he is very "emotionally healthy" smile Mu eight year old does go by himself but that was just since he turned eight and requested it. I do not have multiples but I am still usually way too busy and distracted to be "appalled" by much other than people hitting and screaming at their children... having friends with children with all kinds of needs and special needs and "invisible" issues has made me way less judgmental.

    Last edited by Irena; 01/25/14 11:08 AM.
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    These are kids I know personally. I couldn't know how old a child is or if they were intellectually and emotionally healthy unless I did know them personally, could I? Judging, judging everywhere. smile

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    Yes, it's rare-- but it happens to someone's children.

    Playing the odds is fine, but understand that as healthy and well-adjusted as the KIDS are-- their parents may have reasons they haven't disclosed to you for particular quirky behaviors. My DD didn't go to the restroom alone until she was about 9yo, and even now, I prefer to be able to SEE the vicinity as described.

    I was only 8 when I had the luckiest day of my life--

    escaping from a determined child-predator who had me physically cornered... in a department store restroom. I know that I was lucky that day because I remember his face, his build... and he's the same person who was later convicted of murdering two other 7-9yo girls in a nearby town not three weeks later.

    I have another friend who has refused to allow his son to serve as an altar-boy. Irrational? Oh, probably. But I have a hunch that I know why.


    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    Originally Posted by Twinkiestwice
    Now when they are six and seven, I find myself appalled to see adults attending a restroom with their eight and nine year old emotionally and intellectually healthy child. Aside from that, I have been too overwhelmed much of the time to hover, and that's a blessing since I have OCD and was gifted myself, so I could easily fixate and helicopter them.

    It is not my intent to attack your parenting viewpoints. However, many of those other parents may merely be following the law even though such laws are often violated, particularly by parents in poorer neighborhoods. In the states where I have lived as well as many (most?) other states, the legislature has long enacted laws that require 8-year-olds (sometimes older) be within sight at all times.

    Last edited by Quantum2003; 01/25/14 11:37 AM.
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