Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy New here, how to best help 10 year old who hates..

Great advice. Yes, my dd is very social with her theatre friends. They are from all over the area, most either attending private or public schools, some also homeschooled. Outside of school, she has never had friend/social issues. It is inside of school that she does (at least at her new school - we moved).
No, to a grade acceleration. We tried that a few years ago where we use to live, strict rules on that. The current school said she must be "perfect" in all areas, plus they talk about how they individualize to every child, etc.
We sat down and had about 4 meetings with the school. To be honest, I really like the school and teachers - for my other child. I do not like this "must be perfect" approach for my 10 year old. I think the bully incident this year, really took a lot out of my dd - that I was not happy how they handled, that is for sure.

Unfortunately, being told that a child must be consistently scoring at 100% before a school would consider acceleration is not uncommon. This stance by a school can fuel perfectionism, while "treading water" and not learning challenging new material can fuel underachievement.

Knowing that each year most children are routinely promoted to the next grade with less than 100% mastery (as 76%-79% is often considering a "passing" grade) some families have successfully advocated for their gifted or high-achieving children to take the school's end-of-year tests early to grade skip (one grade level or more).

Others have had success with out-of-level academic talent search tests and the accompanying results reports with suggested academic placement.

The Iowa Acceleration Scale is another option which some schools have utilized to develop confidence that grade skipping is a viable educational path to offer a particular student.

Not saying that this is necessarily applicable to your dd, or applicable at this time, with this school, etc. Just sharing an alternative view that families need not be dissuaded from considering acceleration if a school's initial response is negative or consists of setting the bar unusually high.

So many gifted kids have some type of behavior issues. What kind of problems did you have while you homeschooled and what types of things "burned you out"?

Remember there are lots of different types of GT kids so take all advice with a grain of salt. I'd look into a good therapist...maybe an education psychologist or someone who has experience with GT kids to help with some of the transition, bullying, behavior issues. It sounds like you're overwhelmed and may need some help sorting these issues out - you could talk to someone as well.
Maybe switching schools will do the trick but it may be what you are looking for and not the real answer. Have you looked at other schools before? Be careful of making a sudden, drastic change. It sounds like you like the school she's at and it would show her perseverance if the bullying issue is resolved. How do you know you aren't going to deal with some bullying at the new school, some may argue you'll have more problems due to the affluent population of the private school you referred to?

I LOVE the above posts and think because there's been lots of changes in your daughters life, more routine and a schedule is important to establish future expectations (esp if she starts at a new school). When we established more routine, I realized my daughter thrives on knowing her schedule and expectations and did so much better.

You need to address the issue of her attitude towards topics, chores, or things she doesn't care to do or learn about it. No matter where she learns, she's going to need to do things and learn things she doesn't want to (I hated anything to do with geography when I was younger but it's SOOO IMPORTANT to learn).

SOmetimes kids with anxiety or low self esteem issues need to be "handled" because they don't know what to expect (sounds like you have had lots of changes in the past couple of years and kids don't always react the way we expect them to). You could have a little 3 month trial period but keep to a schedule no matter what!!!!
Have her do things that will result in higher self esteem (less talking, more action) like:

Daily chores (hard physical work is very important and kids end up feeling USEFUL around the house even if they complain)

Less running around/activities - sends the message that schoolwork and family time is important.

Exercise at home- daily if possible (walking, jump rope in garage, yoga on dvd, family dance time)

Some service time - reduces the self centered stuff around her activities/interests but ends up making her feel better about herself- she could get creative and come up with her own project but in the meantime you could give her 5 choices and she can pick (getting a neighbors mail/paper, cooking for someone once a week, shoveling or gardening, writing a relative/friend a letter (brings so much joy to people), working on Saturdays at your church or homeless center.

AGAIN, sticking to a schedule and routine every day, every week - NO MATTER WHAT - is important to reducing anxiety and making any transition go smoothly. Try it for 3 months and then re-assess with your husband (you don't need to discuss details with your daughter...this may increase her anxiety if she feels pressure to come up with a solution).
If things improve and her anxiety and stress is reduced, you'll really be able to assess her GT and she will really flourish. You may be better off at the school you're at because you can go deeper on some subjects at home and if she's not up for it, you can take breaks. But if she's at a more challenging school, you'll end up with more stress trying to get all the work done and more stress will only make things worse not better.

Good luck - sounds like you need a well needed weekend away! You are a wonderful mom who loves her kids (that's obvious) but you have to take care of yourself too or you'll start to get resentful and angry towards your kids.
Reducing things around the house will help all of you, not only her. No ones world won't fall apart if you don't make dance or swim lessons for a few months. Set your priorities and then stick to them.
Keep us posted. We all need to learn from each other.