Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Mental health days?

DS8 is having a rough school week, for reasons that aren't entirely clear (and not for a lack of trying to find out). His reluctance/refusal to enter the classroom has gotten worse and lasted longer each day. I've read on other threads of parents giving their children mental health days, but those cases seem to involve really toxic school environments. Our school has been magnificent this year, both with accommodations and attitudinally. They are genuinely concerned about his rough week and are trying to turn it around. I have no physical safety concerns (I suspect another class's teacher got upset with him about something and he's so sensitive that such things can derail his happy train for days).

So do I give him a mental health day tomorrow, when I am confident that the school generally and his teachers specifically are trying both to figure out the problem and to engage and uplift him? Or does that just teach him that sufficient morning reluctance buys him a day off? And undermine the teachers? Or am I being too hard on my sensitive young man who has never taken advantage before and may really need a down day. He knows he would be spending the day with me at my office, doing schoolwork, and was still adamant this morning that he would prefer that to school.

Can you pick him up at mid-day for a treat if he goes without fuss?

That would be ideal - my mom did that for me in elementary school and it made such a difference. My office is some distance away, but I might be able to manage it tomorrow. Although I'd worry about setting up expectations and that he'd behave the same at the end of lunch as at the start of the day and I'm not sure I'm up for dealing with that twice in a day...

I would go ahead and give him a mental health day.

I gave my son a mental health day at least once a month (sometimes once a week) when he was in 4th & 5th grades.

A psychologist actually recommended it, after seeing his IQ and achievement results. My son had gotten progressively more depressed about school and said he never learned anything, and said it was just busy work that wasted his time. She agreed with him (well, his achievement test showed that to be true), and said that if he wanted to stay home and focus on a passion area, or to just take a break, it was fine. I tended to think that way anyway, but it helped to have a psychologist back me up.

How do you get that past the attendance?

My mother gave us mental health days growing up, but they were limited. We knew going in that when we used one- it was being "used up." I don't remember how many we got- perhaps one every 6 weeks or one a semester? I think if we'd truly needed more she would have found a way to change the rules. But she set it up so that we didn't think getting one meant an open pass to get more through whining.

I meant keep him home for the afternoon. That way you would both only miss half a day and he would know it was not a reward for making a big fuss.

My mom gave me one day a year when I could tell her I didn't want to go to school and she'd take care of the rest. I only actually ever did it once, but it's still a special memory for me. Maybe your son could choose if he wants to take a mental health day now or save it for later.

i said he was sick.

A few weeks ago we showed up at DD8's school to check her out for an afternoon dentist's appointment. She had no idea she was doing anything else until we pulled into the driveway at the movie theater.

I had a similar situation with my DS8 this year. He begged me to let him stay home on mondays when I am home from work and work on EPGY. He is in second grade but just started the EPGY 5th grade math. He always enjoyed school but began crying in class at the end of first grade and he was asking to come home. He cried before school for the first month of this school year. He has been diagnosed with anxiety by Dr. Spomenka Newman. His school has been working with him and he no longer cries in the morning. He is in a private K-8 school and I keep him home with me most mondays. It began as a mental health day but we both loved it so much it has continued. In fact, we are home together right now. I am a big believer in mental health days.

OP, give him a mental health day tomorrow. Just don't make any connection between his relucatnce to go to school and taking a day off - so as not to set up any expectations for repeats of those days off. Tell him that if he wants to work on school stuff with you (in your office or otherwise) he can do so for a change just this once. If you decide to repeat it at a later date, just do so and pretend it is spontaneous so that he does not connect it with issues going on at school or his sensitivity.
When I am working crazy hours and feel that my DS is not getting much time with me, I do take a day off and make a field trip and lunch outing out of the day. I tell the teacher that I am taking him out of school to go on a field trip because he is in a private school and DS meets and exceed attendenace requirements all the time. Teachers have always been appreciative of it and have remarked that my DS was happier than usual after such trips.