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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 54
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 54 |
DD seems to really be irritated and distracted by her classmates that disrupt class. These disruptions, according to DD occur daily. I know that she needs to learn to ignore those bad behaviors. I also understand that when one or two of the children continually have meltdowns (screaming, crying, yelling at the teacher) that those are hard to ignore. Tonight, for something like the tenth night in a row, she asked to be home schooled. Then, tonight before going to sleep, she asked me how she could make herself get sick so she could stay home  I know that she needs to learn to tune out bad behavior choices, but when it is all day, every day and time gets taken off of recess for the entire class, I can't help but think it's not the right environment for her. I also know that she can be sensitive. Any experiences dealing with this sort of thing??
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Joined: Feb 2012
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How does she know about home schooling as an option?
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Joined: Jul 2012
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As a child in early elementary school, I told my parents that I hated school and didn't want to go. My parents told me I needed to learn to learn to deal with it. What I learned was that my parents were unsupportive and that complaining was futile. I don't think I learned anything in school but how many holes were in the ceiling tiles. I was a high achieving people pleaser, popular with my classmates, and absolutely miserable.
If your child is telling you she needs something, you should listen before she decides you are not worth approaching for help on anything...
Be sure to ask other questions about school. Is she learning anything?
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Joined: Dec 2012
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As a child in early elementary school, I told my parents that I hated school and didn't want to go. My parents told me I needed to learn to learn to deal with it. What I learned was that my parents were unsupportive and that complaining was futile. I don't think I learned anything in school but how many holes were in the ceiling tiles. I was a high achieving people pleaser, popular with my classmates, and absolutely miserable.
If your child is telling you she needs something, you should listen before she decides you are not worth approaching for help on anything...
Be sure to ask other questions about school. Is she learning anything? Minus the high achiever (I only achieved in the few areas that interested me) and the popularity (I am an introvert and if I work/study along side others I need quiet time at much breaks not socialising) me too. I learnt that my needs didn't count and that there was no point asking for anything. When I was told to ignore bullies I learnt that no-one thought it was important - basically as a counsellor told me years later I developed "learned helplessness" and depression. I also promised myself that I would never subject myself to waking up dreading the day every morning as an adult. This has resulted in sone very poor career decisions. Ask yourself - in the future you envision for your daughter will she ever feel obliged to tolerate the behavoir she has to now? Would the behavoir be the norm in any of the professions you know? Would you tolerate it in your workplace? Would your boss? Is she really learning a valuable lesson or just learning to put up with stuff? Can you home school or offer another alternative?
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Joined: Feb 2013
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Could it be that you don't see viable alternatives to this school, and that consequently that makes you not want to see it as being as bad as it really is?
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Joined: Oct 2012
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I was miserable in school, too. Looking back, I think I was one of only 2 HG+ kids in my grade -- and the other girl left for private school. I was subjected to near constant bullying. Some years were better, some were worse. Most of the bullying was verbal, but on one occasion, I was beat up. It was humiliating. I learned to be ashamed of who I was. I had no idea why this was happening except this vague knowledge that I was different. Attitudes to bullying were different then. When I told me mom about it, she comforted me and encouraged me to ignore them, but nothing else was done. When I fell in love with Russian lit at 14 and realized that the Rostov children in War & Peace didn't go to school but learned at home from a tutor, I pretty much decided then I would homeschool my kids.
And, hey! My dd has made it to 11 without any significant bullying! She doesn't feel badly about herself! Isn't depressed! Or lonely! Homeschooling has been great for us.
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Joined: Aug 2013
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Gardengirl, I'm so sorry that this is happening!
You've gotten great advice, and these are hardly sage words, but trust your gut instincts. Gather information as the others have suggested and then go with your instincts.
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Joined: Jul 2013
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OP
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Could it be that you don't see viable alternatives to this school, and that consequently that makes you not want to see it as being as bad as it really is? I see viable alternatives. My husband on the other hand isn't quite on board with that. However, we have a meeting scheduled with the child psychologist that gave DD the WISC-IV to discuss this matter. DH is HG and tends to think more literally and less with feelings/emotions, which is completely opposite of me:-)
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I'd delve a little further. What is it that bothers her? When kids have meltdowns, does the teacher help them feel better? Does the teacher make it easier for the kids to feel good so they don't get so frustrated?
For my dd, it wasn't the meltdown as much as it was the climate in the classroom that she felt wasn't supporting the vulnerable kids. Some kids can see the storm coming and they just get tired of the building anxiety.
If your dd is able to verbalize what it is that bothers her about school, then you can help her think of an action plan that improves the situation. If it's the meltdowns that bother her, then she could consider moving to another part of the room, putting her fingers in her ears, asking to go to the bathroom, reading a book, whatever it is that makes her feel more in control.
If it's a negative teacher or classroom climate, she can think of other things to do.
These are great times for her to learn about herself, and teach her how to take care of herself.
I would not pull out until she knows what's going on and there has been a conference with the teacher. Faking illness is a real red flag that something needs to be done-- and running away isn't a healthy response. Leaving for good reason is a different story. Thanks Master of None! She is sensitive, probably highly sensitive and very empathetic. I think it may be too much going on and it just builds all day long. We did a little role playing last night. She was the teacher and she kept stopping in mid-sentence because some of the "kids" were not paying attention. She also talked about when one of her classmates screams, cries and yells at the teacher how upsetting and distracting it is. (I've seen it and it's not a pretty sight.) So, we talked about covering her ears, taking a deep breath, and focusing on her breathing as a way to manage. We need to delve further. Thank you for your great advice!
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Joined: Feb 2013
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The noise and disruption is just an inconvenience. What really matters is, is she learning at her own preferred pace and being intellectually challenged. If not, you need to consider alternatives.
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