Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do you communicate with teachers/school staff?

Do you call and leave a message and they call back? Send an email? I usually send emails but have noticed that sometimes the kids' teachers don't even reply or it takes them several days. Is this typical? If I call, I worry the teacher will call back at a time that's very inconvenient (for instance I'm in the car with my kids listening to the conversation).

I read something about dealing with managers at work that said that it is important for employees to find what the bosses communication style was (in person, phone, email, paper note) and to mirror it.
It is just plain rude for the teacher and principal not to write back to you!

I talk to my children's teachers with a lot of different methods. At drop off, at pick up, by email, they are always responsive. I am always at the school, I am the one who offers to photocopy spelling lists, who organizes the Fall Festival, who re-shelves books in the library. I am probably at each of my children's schools 5 hours a week. My house is a mess but my children are being educated well! My advice is to get into the classroom and be as helpful as you can. If you work, as the teacher if there is something you can help with from home. It really does make a difference!

In third grade they don't want anyone in the classroom, except for special events. I am going in on Halloween to help with a party and hopefully that will give me a better idea of what goes on in there.

DS's first grade teacher put out a request for volunteers, but each parent is only on the schedule about twice per month (for only an hour at a time). One parent at a time, even though I'm sure they could use more help. DS's first grade class has 22 or 23 kids and no aide. It's like they don't want parents in there--are they worried about being on show and don't want parents watching them, or what?

For drop off/pick up, the parents never see the teachers. The kids just come out the doors on their own. The last time I tried to talk to a teacher after school the secretary had to open the locked school door for me.

Really? My dd is in third and they can't seem to get us in there enough, they love having parents there!
I don't know how I would react to a school not allowing me to be present. The teachers know that I am there to take in what my children are doing and learning and not to judge the teachers at all. That just doesn't seem right to me!

^This.

I try to determine which method any particular teacher or administrator PREFERS right away each year-- in part so that I know, and also in part so that DD does.

We use the method most likely to yield positive and rapid results. That differs by individual.

I'm having the same issue. DS5's teacher even mentioned that email is the best way to reach her but then out of 4 emails she only responded once and that was couple days later. I don't need a lengthy reply. Just an acknowledgment that she got whatever I sent and if she has any input. A simple ok or thank you would be enough! When I have something really important, I put a note in DS's folder because I know the teacher checks it every day. She DID call me once as a response to my email because it required a more lengthy conversation so that was a nice change. But overall I'm not very happy with the communication but I wasn't expecting it to be anything too good given my experience with DSS who's now 20 and whose teachers back in middle school when we had issues always promised to keep me in the loop, regularly email me, blah blah blah and never did past the first week of our agreement.

I wonder if this depends on geographic region, because I have a problem getting people to return my emails just in general. It's like people just don't understand that you should return an email just like you would return a phone call. The most annoying thing is that I went in to talk to her the week before school started and told her that there was a breakdown in communication last year and that DD was doing poorly on her meds for a few months before I even heard about it. I told her it's going to be really important to communicate back and forth and she seemed to agree. So for her to just ignore an email after that discussion is over the top. In the email I mentioned that I think DD should be evaluated and I've brought up her possible need for a 504 a couple times in the past, so it's possible she's checking into that, but why not just write back and say that. I guess instead of becoming furious about it I should just call her, hope she calls me back, and ask her if she received my email.

I find this to be a school culture issue. Some schools are open and great about communication and some are not. My neighborhood public school just got email accounts 2 years ago (hello 21st century!). From what I hear, they never use them. My current school, a charter school, is generally GREAT about email communication. They openly acknowledge that they have to be if they are to be up to date.

However, as much as they tell everyone that they are open to parents in the school, I have personally found that NOT to be the case. They don't want parents to be anywhere near academics. They want parents to come only at lunch and recess.

When dealing with the brick wall of not being allowed in my child's classroom, all I can think of is a line from the movie, "Crossing Delancey" (I must have seen this in my teens). Paraphrased, "I made myself into a piece of furniture and planted myself there." That's what I did to get into my child's classroom. I asked and asked and offered to volunteer and teach and whatever. Finally, I just showed up and sat down.

If I understand correctly, public school e-mails can be subject to open records (with student information redacted) and may be admissible for any possible future legal proceedings. Therefore teachers/schools/districts may prefer to receive written e-mail communications but may be hesitant to respond, or may be instructed not to respond under certain circumstances.

Might this be put in the positive, possibly by saying that once contacted about your daughter's meds, you were able to address that, for the benefit of all (your daughter, fellow classmates, the teacher)... that you look forward to hearing the teacher's observations so you can continue to provide needed support.

Some have had good results by including a request in the e-mail for the teacher to please contact them when they've received the message.

E-mail is known for a flat, impersonal, or abrupt tone, which can come across as negative and sabotage communications. Some have found good results by writing following a "sandwich" formula:
1) positive opening: for example agreeing with, thanking for, or sharing a positive observation.
2) the middle: your "beef"... the "meat" of the situation... talking "turkey"... etc (apologies to vegans, I know no vegan expressions for this... YET)
3) positive closing: for example looking forward to hearing their thoughts, working together, expressing confidence in them and in finding a great way to move forward. Sometimes it may reduce a sense of feeling pressured, if a parent asks if they've not reached out to the correct person, would the teacher share with you who you might contact with these thoughts.

Lastly, there is good and bad in everything... public forums provide great crowd-sourced information in a short amount of time... parents are not the only ones to read forums, but teacher/schools/districts may as well. Therefore some posters choose to remain as positive as possible on forums, knowing their child's teacher/school/district may view their posts. Families may not realize they are communicating with teachers/school staff through forums.

If I need to I talk to the teacher after school (mornings are a bit hectic). I have never sent an email - it is like sending someone out in the dark and hoping they make it back which is far too stressful for me. I can't help thinking though if even half of the parents of the kids in ds' class sent one email a week it could still cause quite a bit of work.

Are they contracted to work there til a certain time? Do you tell the teacher ahead of time or send in a note saying you will be stopping by? The few times that I've done this I feel like they are rushed and I'm keeping them from getting to wherever they need to be. Plus there are random meetings scheduled, or they are on bus duty that day, or something else.
For drop off, parents can't enter the school building unless they sign into the office, show ID, get a name tag, etc (big hassle). And then there is the issue of a bunch of kids being right there and the teacher attending to them while you are trying to talk.

The teachers hand out these calendar books every year that they have to write their HW in, and the teacher and Parent write notes back and forth

We have those "planners" but there is no room to write more than a few words. Plus I don't think the third grade teacher ever looks at it. DS's first grade teacher does that ridiculous color chart system so we have to initial that we saw their color in the book (half the time there is no color, I don't initial, and then his teacher circles the spot where I was supposed to initial!). DS's teacher is pretty good about replying to emails, at least within a few days, although usually it's just a one sentence reply and it comes across as blunt or dismissive (even though that's probably not the intention).

I always communicate in the way that the particular staff prefers, which has varied from teacher to teacher. Sometimes they prefer phone calls or notes in the planner (signed or initialed by both parent and teacher daily). Thank goodness, most of the them nowadays prefer email. The only exception is when I wish to leave a paper trail, in which case I used email, going so far as to highlight phone conversations in the guise of thanking them.

I generally get a response within a day, but only if I make it clear that I expect a response. Of course, sometimes they can't respond that fast because what I am requesting may take a week to execute. There are many times when a response is not necessary as I am sharing something or thanking them; in that situation, I do prefer not to have my email box inundated by inane responses.

Good point about the paper trail. The advocate I talked to suggested email as much as possible so that I have documentation of conversations.

One thing I don't like about email is that teachers seem to forward it on to whoever they feel like forwarding it to without asking or telling me. So what might be meant as private information for them could end up circulated all over the school (or district). Every time I send a message to DS's IEP manager (the SLP for the school) she forwards it to about 5 other people and doesn't even tell me when she's doing this or who is getting the message. Some of the teachers have done this as well. Some of my emails contain personal information about my children that is not meant to be circulated that way.

Meh-- I use the phone for conversations where I think that the other party is likely to be more forthcoming without the paper trail.

Doesn't bother me because I'm a master at the letter of understanding (that is, the e-mail follow up on the phone call that is superficially a "thank you" but actually documents the parts of the conversation that need to go on the record).

Many times teachers are well aware that their e-mails are NOT PRIVATE. And they aren't. So they may be willing to identify problems verbally that they won't put into writing.

What about the other way around? Teachers forwarding on emails that parents have sent? The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am getting at the fact that my emails with personal info about my kids keep getting forwarded. A week or two ago I called the person in charge of the gifted/talented program. She never called back. So I decided to send an email in hopes of actually getting a reply. In the email was very detailed info about both of my kids, including info about test scores and their disabilities. She responded saying "I'm including X, Y, and Z in this discussion" (high level admin people). So my email was forwarded to at least 3 other people in the district, and I had no say in it. It was at least nice of her to tell me she was forwarding it and who she was forwarding it to, because normally that doesn't happen with DS's IEP manager. I know she is forwarding my messages, but I'm never quite sure to whom or which messages are forwarded.

Our charter specifically says they want parents to drop off/pick up their children in order for them to be accessible to the teachers and vice-versa.

Recently, my husband and I had a question about the class procedures and requested (by phone message) a convenient time for DS' teacher to meet with us. She asked us to come to the school fifteen minutes before class.

We came with DS and while he got ready for his day (sharpening his pencil, etc.,) we talked with his teacher. It was comfortable for us.
But if we had had a larger issue to discuss, perhaps right before the beginning of class wouldn't have been optimum. We would have requested more time at her convenience.

But this is our charter's way of doing things in general, I believe. They really emphasize the parent/teacher connection. The school expects parents to be an active participant in their child's education. (And states so on their website.)

I've dealt with that by being VERY aggressive in 504 meetings about "need to know" and my child's right to medical privacy. They know better than to cross me there.

I've flatly told administrators and attorneys in meetings that if they circulate the information about my child widely, or otherwise paint an identifying target on her back-- they are handing other people the means to kill her-- without necessarily also ensuring that those people understand the gravity of the information they've just been handed, or believe it. I was particularly testy when they were distributing such information to other parents. Bad, bad juu-juu.

So they are mostly afraid of me. Sorry-- that probably doesn't help you.

I basically assume that unless I specify confidentiality, ANYTHING that I put into an e-mail is at least hypothetically going to be circulated.

That's how I've learned to operate, though.

Disclaimer: I am not attorney and this is not legal advice:
Thinking of sharing information under the "need to know" principle brings FERPA to mind. The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) is discussed online at ed.gov (U.S. Department of Education) and uses the terms "school records", "legitimate educational interest" and "school official" which are to be defined by the educational institution. There is language about information obtained from others not being protected (this may apply to e-mails from parents?). FERPA also discusses access to student records, requesting to amend student records, not requiring student records, and allowing the destruction of student records.

Being open records, anyone may request public school e-mails. Some institutions may redact the name of a minor, some may redact all personally identifying information. FERPA may be one of several laws/codes/policies to consider.

That being said, information posted on a public forum may also be widely read, e-mailed, and otherwise circulated.

FERPA is far less protective than HIPAA-- and information that you provide to the school is automatically leaving the protection of the latter.

This is why I've not provided them with access to my child's physician(s), medical records (except specific questions to be asked of our providers), etc.

Need to know.

Then again-- once you enter IEP/504 territory, there's a secondary privacy issue involved in keeping a HIDDEN disability confidential, too.

I think I'm going to put CONFIDENTIAL on every single email, even if it's something silly like "DS needs to leave 10 minutes early today." Of course they can still circulate it but at least I'm sending a message to them that I don't want emails forwarded. And for anything involving private or personal information, I will email and ask them when the are available to talk on the phone or in person.

This works best for me. My preferred communication method is email, but some teachers hate that. I had one teacher who was happy with drop in after school visits, and another who preferred notes in my son's agenda. I just do what works for each teacher. This year they both like email so I'm pretty happy

Actually, I think you will have better luck if you only mark those emails that actually include confidential information, even if you have a pretty expansive definition of "confidential." If you mark even obviously nonconfidential emails, you run a greater risk of their deciding to ignore it in all cases.

Good point. I'm just going to call on the phone whenever possible from now on, even if I have to leave 5 messages before people call me back. I'll say in my message that if I'm not here when they return my call, let me know when a good time would be to call them back.