Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy UPDATE: Teacher disciplining disability AGAIN

HappilyMom, there just comes a point when you look at your child, you look at the school, you look at the stack of information that you're using to advocate... you look at the rate of progress on that advocacy front, and consider the energy involved...

and you wonder;

Is it better to spend this energy directly WITH and ON my child? Or continue to spend it on his/her BEHALF?

Because the time/energy investment is somewhat similar. Different parents/circumstances give different results, but for me the turning point was in realizing that I'd spend LESS time if I DIY'ed, and it would be much closer to meeting my child's needs. It also would mean that my DH and I wouldn't spend most of every day wondering if we'd see her alive again.

It may be worth pursuing an IEP even if you homeschool-- I recommend that, in fact, as it establishes the diagnoses for the purposes of future accommodations which may be needed in testing, or college.

Oh! HK how do you pursue an IEP when you home school??

A district is STILL obligated under child-find to locate and provide services for children who need "services" (think speech therapy, OT, etc.) as part of that educational plan.


There, though, you're highly advised to seek out a parent advocate who has experience, preferably LOCAL experience, to draw from.

Warning - I'm typing on my phone so I apologize for typos, etc

It is scary how similar our situations are Happily. I assume you have followed our saga as I have documented it here. The good news is I have laid a roadmap of sorts for you if you choose to follow that path. It has been hard. It has been taxing. It has been expensive. The good news, though, is that my DD is about to start an out of district placement that should finally provide most of what she needs.

Her program will cost our school district a small fortune - there is no way a parent could cover all the costs privately unless you are among the wealthiest of wealthy. This is the benefit of fighting for FAPE through your local school district. If they had acted in good faith and treated her with good will a similar program could have probably been provided in district for a fraction of the cost. I think they have learned from this experience because I have 2 friends - one with a recent 2E identification and one with anxiety - who just yesterday were telling me how much support their kids are receiving and thanked me for the battle that I fought. You CAN get your DS what he needs through your local district but you will probably have to fight for it and fight hard.

The reality is that parenting kids like ours is hard. Really, really hard. There is no easy answer. There is no right answer. Whatever path will get your child what he needs is a right path.

Don't make any decisions before you have a frank discussion with your advocate. Feel free to pm me if you want more specifics.

Good luck and enjoy your son. Taking time for the fun things is what kept us (sort of) sane.

http://www.hslda.org/strugglinglearner/sn_states.asp

I'm not sure how updated it is so I'd ask your advocate about the specifics and how homeschooling families are actually treated. If your state does not provide SPED services to HS students then you could look into online public school charters. They are obligated to provide SPED services and accommodations.

You might want to ask advocate if there are ways to keep your son at home while sorting out the eligibility issues and upon his return, if his 504 or IEP is not followed, you have additional legal recourses.

Only have a moment but met with the Advocate... WOW! She is wonderful! She has given me an approach to re-open the discussion at school by sitting down with the teacher to talk about Emotional Safety. She is a 2e expert and presents often. I've sent an email and have a plan. I also invited the school psych and social worker to join us and share their expertise.

She told me her story about being a rigid teacher in her past and how she learned to approach teaching and life differently... She was very wise.

So I'm trying to meet Monday for a heart to heart about making the classroom environment safe and supportive for my child. (Social/Emotional Learning is a big initiative there and I tied my email in to that and made it very personal.)

Family Doc referred us to a Pediatric GI and won't be helpful beyond that. Advocate gave me a referral to a new local Psych that she recommends for us.

How wonderful to have someone who is so wise on your side!

So glad you found an advocate that can help. That sounds like a wise strategy.

I'm so impressed at how much you are getting done this week. I know it feels dreadful that you've not gotten things fixed for your son, but you've made a lot of progress by assembling your advocacy, medical, and expert team.

Well... My husband and I sat down last night and decided that the battle wasn't worth the cost with the fragile state our 6 yr old is in. He has been begging to "do homeschooling" for most of the year.

I got an email back with the teacher's response to my request for a meeting. She says she'll "hear" about Emotional Safety but she wants to tell me about "school/classroom expectations" and the ideas she has to try. Our advocate is terrific but our teacher is truly toxic.

With the immensely difficult things we are dealing with in our marriage and some other significant stressors, we just feel like the road at school is longer and harder than we can currently manage. And frankly, even the successful result of good hard advocacy still doesn't resemble what our child needs. I don't want that to be true but it's clear that it is.

My mother said, what if we decide to go back in a year or two? I told her it was unlikely. He is currently in 1st and needing about 4th grade level work across the board. He makes more than a year of progress in an academic year. School ends at 5th there. I don't think I'll want to place him in middle school in a year or two either. So here we are in our PG 2e boat where nothing really fits.

I'd still go to that meeting with the teacher-- just to be crystal clear in your mind and not have "I wonder if..." hanging there unresolved.

And you never know-- it's possible that she will say something that is revelatory to you. (Possible)

I suspect that it won't be something that you'll WANT to hear-- and that it will make you angry. But it's probably still worth hearing so that it's in the back of your mind.

Why do I say that? Well, because it's far too easy to scaffold 2e issues in a home environment-- up to and well beyond where such issues would be deemed "unacceptable" in a classroom setting... and in the context of an emergent problem, those are things that you want to know about from an unbiased observer's perspective so that you can (if needed) identify them and be AWARE of them. 2e problems can go unidentified in a homeschooling setting because of the flexibility.

Your ds is young enough that some of those things could well still be just at the horizon.

So I'd go to that meeting and listen. I wouldn't necessarily take it all to heart, or place my child back into her care, mind you... but I would tuck away what she says, and be observant as a homeschooling parent.

I hope that makes sense.